作业 arg2 & arg3

强夫UID: 2156262

TOPIC: ARGUMENT2 - The following appeared in a letter sent by a committee of homeowners from the Deerhaven Acres to all homeowners in Deerhaven Acres.

"Seven years ago, homeowners in nearby Brookville community adopted a set of restrictions on how the community's yards should be landscaped and what colors the exteriors of homes should be painted. Since then, average property values have tripled in Brookville. In order to raise property values in Deerhaven Acres, we should adopt our own set of restrictions on landscaping and housepainting."
WORDS: 556          TIME: 00:55:00          DATE: 2007-11-2 下午 10:30:00

The argument is well-present, but not well-reasoned. By making a comparison of the acres of Deerhaven, the community with no restrictions on the yards landscaped and exteriors of homes and therefore lower property values, with the acres of Brookville, the community with restrictions on the yards landscaped and exteriors of homes and subsequently higher values on average. The argument for adopting new set of restriction on landscaping and housepainting in Deerhaven Acres to raise the property values seems logical.

However, the committee is failing to consider other possible alternatives about the property values rising in Brookville. Such alternatives may conclude the fact that there are more needs of houses in Brookville, or the price of the real-estate has increased a lot during seven years. It is possible that there are more residents living in Brookville than Deerhaven Acres and less available real-estates. In addition, the committee has failed to consider the community environment and other living measurements in Brookville. Perhaps Deerhaven Acres is located in a remote area which is not very convince to go shopping and visiting friends, or no children caring places for working couples and less clubs for young men. It appears reasonable, therefore, for the committee to put focus on the environment and living measurement in Brookville than to adopting a set of restriction on landscaping and housepainting.

The letter to all homeoweners is one-sided argument about the restrictions on landscaping and housepaiting. The committee may have a deal with the landscaping and housepainting company, or may want to boost a community by such restrictions. But the committee fails to consider the opions of the people in Deerhaven. What interest do they have in landscaping and house painting? Without such restriction the residents can cultivate everything they like in their backyards. Restriction is a restriction. Since adopting the restriction some residents who like free life would move out Deerhaven Acres to avoid the restrictions. Also some people who prefer no restriction about landscaping and housepainting might not choose Deerhaven any more. In turn, the property values of those houses in Deerhaven might not rise as much as expected.

Seven year is not a particular long time for committee of Deerhaven Acres to determine that the restriction of landscaping and housepainting has influenced the property values in Deerhaven. It is mentioned that the price of houses in Brookville has tripled during the time period. This may have been a time that the economy in Brookville has been bloomed by investment of some international enterprises or some transport centers build in Brookville, as a result, the living standard of Brookville has increased a lot. However, the economy environment of Deerhaven Acres dose not change obviously leads to lower property values compare to Brookville. One can not deduce from the information above to establish a causal relationship between adopting restrictions and rising real-estates values.

Overall, the reasoning behind the reason of the committee about the adopting the restriction to rise the values of the property seems logical as presented above since the committee of the houseowner are acting in their own best interest and want earn more. However, before any decision is made out about measuring the restriction of the landscaping and housepainting, the committee should evaluate all the possible alternatives and causes for lower property values of Deerhaven Acres over the past seven years compare to Brookville.

3.The following appeared in a newspaper article about law firms in the city of Megalopolis.  
"In Megalopolis, the number of law school graduates who went to work for large, corporate firms declined by 15 percent over the last three years,  whereas an increasing number of graduates took jobs at small, general practice firms. Even though large firms usually offer much higher salaries, law school graduates are choosing to work for the smaller firms most likely because they experience greater job satisfaction at smaller firms. In a survey of first-year students at a leading law school, most  
agreed with the statement that earning a high salary was less important to them than job satisfaction. This finding suggests that the large, corporate firms of Megalopolis will need to offer graduates more benefits and incentives and reduce the number of hours they must work."  

40min

The argument is well-presented, but not well-reasoned. By making a comparison of the corporate, with larger scale and therefore decline ratio of employment of graduate student, with of the firm, with smaller scale and subsequently increasing ratio of employment of graduate student. The arguer continues by addressing this problem with more benefits and intensive and less work hours. The recommendation of the argument seems logical.

However, the arguer is failing to consider other possible alternatives about the decline ratio of the employment of graduate. Such alternatives might conclude the fact that there are fewer students pursuing their future in a large company, or the ratio of applying further education is increasing sharply. It is possible that more and more graduate student(including the law student), in current days, is tired regular and flexible working life as their parents and want to chase their own dream such as being a traveler, an artist or creating their own business. Also, since more graduates realize the importance of education and ensure what they want to be such as a professor, they would apply a master or PHD degree. Alternatively, the decline ratio of graduate student’s employment does not equal the large corporation could not hire the graduate student. As our certain knowledge, when the large corporations do not have any position, they would not hire any one no matter graduate student or experienced workers. All above would cause the decline ratio of the employment of graduate student in large corporate.

The analysis is a one-sided argument about the establishment of cause-effect relationship. No firm evidence can support the arguer's conclusion that the decline ratio employment of graduate student in large corporations due to their benefits and shift hours. It entirely possible that complex relationship in large corporation might be scared those naive students or the intensive pressure might also be too harsh to a graduate students. It is more reasonable, for the large company, to focus on the fair and harmony competition environment for the young graduate student.

The survey in this argument has failed to consider the suitable object. When the survey is conducted, the selected object is the first-year student at a leading law school. Actually, the thought of first-year student could not present the choice of the graduate student. Four-year is particularly long time frame for young student to changing their mind and determining which way to go. Therefore, unless more evidence of the real thoughts of the graduate student has been offered, we can not accept the arguer's conclusion.

Overall, the argument for the reasoning behind the measure of increasing the ratio of graduate student seems logical as presented above since the arguer is acting in their own best and want to help these large corporations. However, before any final decision has been made out the arguer should evaluate all the possible alternatives and causes to determine the benefits and work hour has influenced the decision of the graduate student. It would also be improved by offering validly and reliably survey about the graduate student’s career decision.  

两篇写的时间隔得长，一个星期左右，其实能看出来一些差别。第二篇吸取了大家拍得一些意见，看下毛病改了没有呢，请拍

hope~~UID: 2416007

:loveliness: .因为只做了第一篇,就只改第一篇了!楼主你太厉害了！argument 都能写500多个字啊！
改的不好请楼主见谅啊！
The argument is well-present, but not well-reasoned. By making a comparison of the acres of Deerhaven, the community with no restrictions on the yards landscaped and exteriors of homes and therefore lower property values, with the acres of Brookville, the community with restrictions on the yards landscaped and exteriors of homes and subsequently higher values on average. The argument for adopting new set of restriction on landscaping and housepainting in Deerhaven Acres to raise the property values seems logical.


However, the committee is failing to consider other possible alternatives about the property values rising in Brookville. Such alternatives may conclude the fact that there are more needs of houses in Brookville, or the price of the real-estate has increased a lot during seven years. It is possible that there are more residents living in Brookville than Deerhaven Acres and less available real-estates. (这句话能不能这么改啊！我觉得句义会更明确些！It is possible that there are more residents living and available real-estates in Brookville than Deerhaven Acres) In addition, the committee has failed to consider the community environment and other living measurements in Brookville. Perhaps Deerhaven Acres is located in a remote area which is not very convince to go shopping and visiting friends, or no children caring(cared 不清楚是不是说的没有照顾小孩的地方啊)places for working couples and less clubs for young men. It appears reasonable, therefore, for the committee to put focus on the environment and living measurement in Brookville than to adopting a set of restriction on landscaping and housepainting.（楼主举得例子都很好啊！那我就收下了!:loveliness: ）


The letter to all homeoweners is one-sided argument about the restrictions on landscaping and housepaiting. The committee may haveadeal with the landscaping and housepainting company, or may want to boost a community (提高小区的环境吗？) by such restrictions. But the committee fails to consider the opions（options） of the people in Deerhaven. What interest do they have in landscaping and housepainting? Without such restriction the residents can cultivate everything they like in their backyards. Restriction is a restriction. Since adopting the restriction some residents who like free life would move out Deerhaven Acres to avoid the restrictions. Also some people who prefer no restriction about landscaping and housepainting might not choose Deerhaven any more. In turn, the property values of those houses in Deerhaven might not rise as much as expected.(前面几句好像表明的是同一个意思吧!感觉有点罗嗦啊!)

Seven year is not a particular long time for committee of Deerhaven Acres to determine that the restriction of landscaping and housepainting has influenced the property values in Deerhaven. It is mentioned that the price of houses in Brookville has tripled during the time period. This may have been a time that the economy in Brookville has been bloomed by investment of some international enterprises or some transport centers build in Brookville, as a result, the living standard of Brookville has increased a lot. However, the economy environment of Deerhaven Acres dose not change obviously leads to lower property values compare to Brookville. One can not deduce from the information above to establish a causal relationship between adopting restrictions and rising real-estates values.


Overall, the reasoning behind the reason of the committee about the adopting the restriction to rise the values of the property seems logical as presented above since the committee of the houseowner are acting in their own best interest and want(wanting) earn more. However, before any decision is made out about measuring the restriction of the landscaping and housepainting, the committee should evaluate all the possible alternatives and causes for lower property values of Deerhaven Acres over the past seven years compare to Brookville.
楼主的逻辑思路蛮清晰的，举例也很好啊！就是第三段有点罗嗦!

[ 本帖最后由 hope~~ 于 2007-11-10 21:15 编辑 ]

LeonS.KennedyUID: 194492

The argument is well-presented, but not well-reasoned. By making a comparison of the corporate, with larger scale 这单词没有规模的意思and therefore decline ratio of employment of graduate student, with of the firm, with smaller scale and subsequently increasing ratio of employment of graduate student. The arguer continues by addressing this problem with more benefits and intensive and less work hours. The recommendation of the argument seems logical.这样开头，是想说明他合理，还是为了引出那个however？勿用这种表述

However, the arguer is failing to consider other possible alternatives about the decline ratio of the employment of graduate. Such alternatives might conclude 这可不是包括的意思the fact that there are fewer students pursuing their future in a large company, or the ratio of applying further education is increasing sharply. It is possible that more and more graduate students(including the law student), in current days(nowadays), is（are） tired 中间少个介词regular and flexible 应当是不灵活吧？working life as their parents and want to chase their own dream such as being a traveler, an artist or creating their own business. Also, since more graduates realize the importance of education and ensure what they want to be such as a professor, they would apply a master or PHD degree. Alternatively, the decline ratio of graduate student’s employment does not equal the large corporation could not hire the graduate student. As our certain knowledge, when the large corporations do not have any position, they would not hire any one no matter graduate student or experienced workers. All above would cause the decline ratio of the employment of graduate student in large corporate.

The analysis is a one-sided argument about the establishment of cause-effect relationship. No firm evidence can support the arguer's conclusion that the decline ratio employment of graduate student in large corporations due to their benefits and shift hours. It is entirely possible that complex relationship in large corporation might be scared those naive students or the intensive pressure might also be too harsh to a graduate students. It is more reasonable, for the large company, to focus on the fair and harmony competition environment for the young graduate student.这段开始没有让步，这段的意思是和前一段相反的，应当说明一下

The survey in this argument has failed to consider the suitable object. When the survey is conducted, the selected object is the first-year student at a leading law school. Actually, the thought of first-year student could not present the choice of the graduate student. Four-year is particularly long time frame for young student to changing their mind and determining which way to go. Therefore, unless more evidence of the real thoughts of the graduate student has been offered, we can not accept the arguer's conclusion.这段放在前面会好一些的，最后再谈待遇及满意度的问题。

Overall没有总之的意思, the argument for the reasoning behind the measure of increasing the ratio of graduate student seems logical as presented above since the arguer is acting in their own best and want to help these large corporations.这句没看懂，太繁琐了 However, before any final decision has been made out the arguer should evaluate all the possible alternatives and causes to determine the benefits and work hour has influenced the decision of the graduate student. It would also be improved by offering validly and reliably 这两都是ADV survey about the graduate student’s career decision.

有些句子很繁琐，可以简化一下

段落句子之间衔接不好，建议看一下模版



[ 本帖最后由 LeonS.Kennedy 于 2007-11-10 22:29 编辑 ]

强夫UID: 2156262

确实第二篇很多笔误，主要还是限时的原因吧。。。限时.......