Argument2【0806G-Sunbird小组】第二次作业

lewis0409220UID: 2238498

TOPIC: ARGUMENT2 - The following appeared in a letter sent by a committee of homeowners from the Deerhaven Acres to all homeowners in Deerhaven Acres.

"Seven years ago, homeowners in nearby Brookville community adopted a set of restrictions on how the community's yards should be landscaped and what colors the exteriors of homes should be painted. Since then, average property values have tripled in Brookville. In order to raise property values in Deerhaven Acres, we should adopt our own set of restrictions on landscaping and housepainting."
WORDS: 348          TIME: 2小时          DATE: 2007-11-9

In this argument, the author recommends that restrictions on landscaping and housepainting should be adopted to raise property values in Deerhaven Acres. To support the conclusion, the author cites the example of the raising of property values in Brookville. There are several problems which weaken the argument..

First of all, there is no arresting relationship between adopting restrictions and raising property values in Brookville. The property values have tripled in Brookville just since adopting a set of restrictions, but that doesn't mean property values raised because adopted a set of restrictions. There are many other reasons could cause the raising, such as a rapid increasing in population. Because everyone need house to live in and increasing needing would cause increasing prices.

Secondly, the situations between Brookville and Deerhaven Acres are much different. A successful method for Brookville is highly possible a inefficient one for Deerhaven Acres. The differences of society, economy and culture all can cause the opposite results using the same way. Take economy difference for example, if Deerhaven Acres is a less developed place, well landscaping and housepainting house will be unaffordable for people. And less people will buy one. As a result, average property values will fall. So learning from Brookville without taking into account the different aspects should to be considered.

At the third place, seven years have passed since homeowners in Brookville adopting restrictions, and many important even determinable considerations was possibly changed. House with good landscaping and housepainting may arouse people’s appetite for buying which may not exist now. It is possible that adopting a set of restrictions on landscaping and housepainting is bootless for raising property values even in Brookville today, saying nothing of in Deerhaven Acres.

In conclusion, the author failed to construct a bridge between adopting restrictions on landscaping and housepainting and raising property values. And the difference between Brookville and Deerhaven Acres both in time and space is out of consideration. To finding an effective way to raising property values in Deerhaven Acres, the author should find the exact reason why average property values have tripled in Brookville.

[ 本帖最后由 lewis0409220 于 2007-11-9 22:48 编辑 ]

zxxx2972UID: 2367399

In this argument, the author recommends that restrictions on landscaping and housepainting should be adopted to raise property values in Deerhaven Acres. To support the conclusion, the author cites the example of the raising of property values in Brookville. There are several problems which weaken the argument..

First of all, there is no arresting relationship between adopting restrictions and raising property values in Brookville. The property values have tripled in Brookville just since adopting a set of restrictions, but that doesn't mean property values raised because (of)adopted(删掉) a set of restrictions. There are （删掉）many other reasons could cause the raising, such as a rapid increasing(increase) in population. Because everyone need（needs） house to live in and increasing needing would cause increasing prices.（这里可以多列一些可能的解释, 对这些解释作下细节描述, 看这些因素是怎样影响房价上涨的，而且there be 用得太多，可以换用别的词作主语引导句子, 还有句子的基本语法错误太多，这个要注意）
Secondly, the situations between Brookville and Deerhaven Acres are much different. A successful method for Brookville is highly possible a inefficient one for Deerhaven Acres. The differences of society, economy and culture all can cause the opposite results using the same way. Take economy difference for example, if Deerhaven Acres is a less developed place, well landscaping and housepainting house will be unaffordable for people. And less people will buy one. As a result, average property values will fall. So learning from Brookville without taking into account the different aspects should to be considered.(这段的举例还不错,没有想到,收下了,但是句子存在基本语法错误, 用词也单调了些,可以多参照哈6分范文)

At the third place, seven years have passed since （可以用别的词替换,老用重复的此显得词汇的运用能力不够）homeowners in Brookville adopting restrictions（since 后引导句子吧？怎么还有BEING结构）, and many important even determinable (重复的形容词使用)considerations was possibly changed. House with good landscaping and housepainting may arouse people’s appetite for buying which may not exist now(这里which指代什么). It is possible that adopting a set of restrictions on landscaping and housepainting is bootless for raising property values even in Brookville today, saying nothing of in Deerhaven Acres.（一定要少用be,is, are,能用动词做谓语就用谓语，这样句子会生动些）

In conclusion, the author failed to construct a bridge between adopting restrictions on landscaping and housepainting and raising property values. And the difference between Brookville and Deerhaven Acres both in time and space is out of consideration. To finding an effective way to raising property values in Deerhaven Acres, the author should find the exact reason why average property values have tripled in Brookville.

文章的逻辑还可以，除了第一段没有详细说。句子和词的变化不够，重复得太多，而且基本语法错误很多，我也没有给你一一指出，你自已要多注意

edith_sleepingUID: 2368536

In this argument, the author recommends that restrictions on landscaping and housepainting should be adopted to raise property values in Deerhaven Acres. To support the conclusion, the author cites the example of the raising of property values in Brookville.感觉这里用of不对 ，如果是我 会用that从句  There are several problems which weaken the argument..

First of all, there is no arresting relationship between adopting restrictions and raising property values in Brookville. The property values have tripled in Brookville just since adopting a set of restrictions, but that doesn't mean property values raised because adopted a set of restrictions. There are many other reasons could cause the raising两个谓语, such as a rapid increasing in population.这个理由还需要解释，有点思维跳跃：人口增长不一定带来经济增长  Because everyone needs house(a house or houses） to live in and increasing (needing可以考虑用needs) would cause increasing prices.

Secondly, the situations between Brookville and Deerhaven Acres are much different. A successful method for Brookville is highly possible an inefficient one for(possible 是用to还是 用for？) Deerhaven Acres. The differences of（in比较好） society, economy and culture all can cause the opposite results using the same way. Take economy difference for example,（.） if Deerhaven Acres is a less developed place, well landscaping and housepainting house will be unaffordable for people. And less people will buy one. As a result, average property values will fall.(这个论证 感觉好像在暗示居委会的restriction是为了卖房子) So learning from Brookville without taking into account the different aspects should to be considered.

At the third place, seven years have passed since homeowners in Brookville adopting restrictions, and many important even determinable considerations was possibly changed用完成时比较好. House with good landscaping and housepainting may arouse people’s appetite for buying which may not exist now. （还是感觉在卖房）It is possible that adopting a set of restrictions on landscaping and housepainting is bootless for raising property values even in Brookville today, saying nothing of in Deerhaven Acres.我喜欢这一句

In conclusion, the author failed to construct a bridge between adopting restrictions on landscaping and housepainting and raising property values. And the difference between Brookville and Deerhaven Acres both in time and space is out of consideration. To finding an effective way to raising property values in Deerhaven Acres, the author should find the exact reason why average property values have tripled in Brookville.
我觉得总体的论述不错 如果可以借鉴一下北美的 句子回更好 另外我觉得在论证的时候可以注意一下逻辑  这只是个人看法 不知道对不对 我们可以讨论一下  呵呵