Argument2【0806G-Sunbird小组】第2次作业

hope~~UID: 2416007

TOPIC: Argument 2:"The following appeared in a letter sent by a committee of homeowners from the Deerhaven Acres to all homeowners in Deerhaven Acres.
"Seven years ago, homeowners in nearby Brookville community adopted a set of restrictions on how the community's yards should be landscaped and what colors the exteriors of homes should be painted. Since then, average property values have tripled in Brookville. In order to raise property values in Deerhaven Acres, we should adopt our own set of restrictions on landscaping and housepainting."
WORDS: 441                DATE: 2007-11-9


In this letter, the homeowner realized if we adopt a set of restrictions on landscaping andhousepainting, average property values have tripled in the Deerhaven Acres. To justify this conclusion the letter’s author notes that during seven years, average property values have raised in Brookville community by means of managing landscaping and housepainting. I found this argument logically unconvincing in several respects.


First of all, in Brookville community the average property values have tripled in is not necessarily due to the community adopted a set of restrictions on how to manage landscaping and housepainting. It is entirely possible that the district has transport facilities, lie in nearby business district. It may be the houses price were all the way cheap. The average property values were not going up until many people bought houses in Brookville community. Since the article fails toaccount for this alternative explanation for the average property values raised, the letter’s author cannot make any sound recommendation to the community based on managing landscaping and housepainting.


Even if the Brookville community’s average property values was going up due to manage landscaping and housepainting. The author provides no firm evidence that the Deerhaven’s average property values will be raised in the same way. Perhaps it actual has a few houses and buildings in the Deerhaven Acres, so only a few people living in the district have low average consumption. Even if they are both in the same environment condition, perhaps addition measures—such as the Deerhaven Acres is an out–of–the-way place, virescence and beautification of the district have perfected, or even the place is fit of most people living.


Even if the Deerhaven Acres will do it as the Brookville community do, but its price has tripled in seven years ago whether price will be go up new. It may be average property values raised in allcountry in seven years ago. Whether average property values are all the way raised in all country is uncertain at new, going without saying about the Deerhaven’s real estate.


In sum, the houseowner’s advices are not persuasive. To bolster it be must provide cleaner evidence that (1) Brookville community’s average property values have tripled without otherreasons, (2) the Brookville community do it suit as the Deerhaven Acres do.(3) people’s attitude about real estate is not alter from seven years ago to new. To better assess the argument I would need to know the statistics showing that a significant number of environment condition about the Deerhaven Acres, a survey showing how many people want to live in the Deerhaven Acres and real estate will the economic outlook in the future.

[ 本帖最后由 hope~~ 于 2007-11-10 11:24 编辑 ]

smilecynthiaUID: 2365304

HOPE~~~我要拍你滴..稍后奉上..忽忽

我改好拉..忽忽
       In this letter, the homeowner realized if theyadopted a set of restrictions on landscaping and house painting, average property values would triple in the Deer haven Acres. To justify this conclusion the letter’s author notes that during the past seven years, average property values have raised in Brookville community by means of managing landscaping and house painting. I found this argument logically unconvincing in several respects.(HOPE的第一段很流畅,我很喜欢)First of all, that the average property values have tripled in Brookville community is not necessarily due to the fact that (due to 后一般不直接加从句) the community adopted a set of restrictions on how to manage landscaping and house painting. It is entirely possible that the district has transport facilities, or there is a business district nearby.(nearby只能作形容词,副词,介词) Maybe the houses price were all the way cheap.(原句中有两个谓语) The average property values were not going up until many people bought houses in Brookville community. (为什么这句的时态突然跟其他的不一样了呢,应该最好要保持时态上的一致吧)  Since the article fails to account for this alternative explanation for the raised average property values, the letter’s author cannot make any sound recommendation to the community based on managing landscaping and house painting.Even if the Brookville community’s average property values was going up due to managing (due to的to 是介词的to) landscaping and house painting. The author does not provide firm evidence that the Deer haven’s average property values will be raised in the same way. Perhaps it actually has a few houses and buildings in the Deerhaven Acres, so only a few people living in the district have low average consumption. Even if they are both have the same environment conditions, perhaps additional measures—such as the Deerhaven Acres is an out–of–the-way place, virescence and beautification of the district have perfected, or even the place is fit for most people living. (这句话的意思有点奇怪,不太懂得)Even if the Deerhaven Acres will (主将从现,will应该去掉)does it as Brookville community does, but (but 应该要去掉)  its price has tripled in the past seven years  whether price will be go up new. Maybe average property values would rise in all country during seven years. Whether average property values are all the way raised in all country is uncertain at new, going without saying about the Deerhaven’s real estate.In sum, the houseowner’s advices are not persuasive. To bolster it, the author should(此处缺少主语) provide cleaner evidence that (1) Brookville community’s average property values have tripled without other reasons, (2) the Brookville community do it suit as the Deerhaven Acres do.(这句话我不太理解,SUIT在这里有什么作用呢?)(3) People’s attitude towards real estate does not alter during the past seven years. To better assess the argument I would need to know the statistics showing that a significant number of environment condition about the Deerhaven Acres, a survey showing how many people want to live in the Deerhaven Acres. Additionally, I also care about whether the real estate will have the economic outlook in the future. (最后一段我很喜欢,HOPE站在作者的立场分析了需要知道的各种事实)




[ 本帖最后由 smilecynthia 于 2007-11-10 20:04 编辑 ]

强夫UID: 2156262

In this letter, the homeowner realized if we adopt a set of restrictions on landscaping andhousepainting, average property values have tripled in the Deerhaven Acres. To justify this conclusion the letter’s author notes that during seven years, average property values have raised in Brookville community by means of managing landscaping and housepainting. I found this argument logically unconvincing in several respects.


First of all, in Brookville community the average property values have tripled in is not necessarily due to the community adopted a set of restrictions on how to manage landscaping and housepainting（due to other possible alternatives. Such alternatives might conculde the fact that Brookville community has developed a effective way of increaing their real-estate value）. It is entirely possible that the district has transport facilities, lie in nearby business district. It may be the houses price were all the way cheap(or the average price of those property is always cheap不知道你要表达的意思是不是这个). The average property values were not going（rasing） up until many people bought houses in Brookville community. Since the article fails to account for this alternative explanation for the average property values raised, the letter’s author cannot make any sound recommendation to the community based on managing landscaping and housepainting.


Even if(accepted that) the Brookville community’s average property values was going up due to manage landscaping and housepainting,the author provides no firm evidence that the Deerhaven’s average property values will be raised in the same way(about the possiblity of Deerhaven's property increased value as compare to Brookville). Perhaps it actual has a few houses and buildings in the Deerhaven Acres, so only a few people living in the district have low average consumption(这句有问题，你应该说房子很多，住的人少需求量少，房价低才更有说服性，房子少人少，能推断出什么). Even if they are both in the same environment condition, perhaps addition measures—such as the Deerhaven Acres is an out–of–the-way place, virescence and beautification of the district have perfected, or even the place is fit of most people living.


Even if the Deerhaven Acres will do it（不要这个it） as the Brookville community do, but its price has tripled in seven years ago whether price will be go up new. It may be average property values raised in allcountry in seven years ago. Whether average property values are all the way raised in all country is uncertain at new, going without saying about the Deerhaven’s real estate.


In sum, the houseowner’s advices are not persuasive. To bolster it be must provide cleaner evidence that (1) Brookville community’s average property values have tripled without otherreasons, (2) the Brookville community do it suit as the Deerhaven Acres do.(3) people’s attitude about real estate is not alter from seven years ago to new. To better assess the argument I would need to know the statistics showing that a significant number of environment condition about the Deerhaven Acres, a survey showing how many people want to live in the Deerhaven Acres and real estate will the economic outlook in the future.

语言是你现在要解决的大问题，逻辑错误上大的都找到了，还是不错的~

hope~~UID: 2416007

真的很谢谢二位帮我改的这么仔细啊!:handshake

虽然中间是问题挺多的,但是自我感觉开头和结尾应该没什么语法错误吧!
希望帮我看看开头和结尾把!
万分感谢了!

[ 本帖最后由 hope~~ 于 2007-11-10 23:34 编辑 ]

chenweibnuUID: 2312469

算了，明天发吧~格式老是不对

[ 本帖最后由 chenweibnu 于 2007-11-11 01:34 编辑 ]

强夫UID: 2156262

用这种开头结尾应该都没有什么大问题的。