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[习作点评] ISSUE43[5F] [复制链接]

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发表于 2007-11-22 19:58:39 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
TOPIC: ISSUE43 - "To be an effective leader, a public official must maintain the highest ethical and moral standards."
WORDS: 422          TIME: 00:38:08          DATE: 2007-11-21 17:59:21
POSITION         PARTLY AGREE
syllabus:1.基本的道德,民族观可以使领导们得到人民的认同和信任
       2.相反,如果国家被缺乏基本道德观的人领导会引发灾难
       3.但是领导门也是普通人而已,不是圣人,不可能具有最高                  的道德观。对于一些不可避免的过错,人民应该谅解

I agree with the statement above with my own reservation. While there is no doubt that to be a qualified leader, a common sense of ethical and moral standards are indispensable, there is doubt as to whether they have to possess the highest standards.

For one thing, ethos and morality is of great significance in order leaders can be deeply trusted by populace. Leaders or public officials are those who in charge with the social agencies. They feed on tax given by citizens and feed them back with effective management. While, on the other hand, morality is the firm foundation to maintain the society or nation, also it associates people to the society closely where they live directly. Such features granted that the average moral standard should serve as the prerequisite to be a qualified citizen beforehand, let alone to be a qualified leader. Assume that leaders fail to convince the public that they are the very person that they can trust, such leaders will no longer be able to effectively deal with his job. For instance, When President Richard Nixon's dishonest and indecent operations in the re-election was revealed to the public, people all through the nation doubt if Nixon was still reliable enough and had the qualification to be the president any longer. At last, Nixon was impeached and become the first one in American to step down during his term of President. Again, the scandal between Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky severely influenced the prestige of his eight years' administration which should have to be effaced totally just for the sake of the moral mistake.

On the contrary, when any society or nation totally controlled by leaders who lacking of a basic sense of morality and ethos, it is self-evidence that the result is either war or coup. They probably will expose the whole society even nation in a dangerous situation and what is even worse is that disaster will influence the whole world. In such a situation, leaders is not only preventing himself from being decent and justice, ironically, he/she is jeopardizing the benefit of everyone in advocating of peace and democracy .The World war II is a good example here. Adolf Hitler had won the trust of German people in 1930, making them believe German was eager to devour the lands of other nations, with his strong ability of agitation. As a result, the world was brought into abyss of World War II; thousands of innocents were killed in such a tragedy.

However, a public leader is all the same to every one of us physically and mentally, no matter how significant role he plays in the public or society. It is difficult and almost impossible for any public leaders to possess the highest ethical and moral standards. If we were to take the speakers' assertion too far we would risk becoming a world without leaders, who are bred of the ability to manage our society effectively. Weakness and shortcomings filling them out, leaders could not have been ultimately perfect.

In summary, we may define leaders and public officials as catalysts when the whole society are the reagent,  reagent of the society  without the assistance of proper catalyst can not react effectively.  
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沙发
发表于 2007-11-24 09:50:40 |只看该作者
I agree with the statement above with my own reservation. While there is no doubt that to be a qualified leader, a common sense of ethical and moral standards are indispensable, there is doubt as to whether they have to possess the highest standards.(开头直截了当,值得我学习)

For one thing, ethos and morality is of great significance in order (in order后面要么跟to do  结构,要么就是that从句,这里应该加一个that)leaders can be deeply trusted by populace. Leaders or public officials are those who (加is) in charge with(改为of) the social agencies. They feed on tax given by citizens and feed them back with effective management. (这个句子学习啦)While, on the other hand, morality is the firm foundation to maintain the society or nation, also it associates people to the society closely where they live directly. Such features granted that the average moral standard should serve as the prerequisite to be a qualified citizen beforehand, let alone to be a qualified leader. Assume that leaders fail to convince the public that they are the very person that they can trust, such leaders will no longer be able to effectively deal with his job. For instance, When President Richard Nixon's (加is)dishonest and indecent operations in the re-election was revealed to the public, people all through the nation doubt if Nixon was still reliable enough and had the qualification to be the president any longer. At last, Nixon was impeached and become the first one in American to step down during his term of President. (这个例子太棒了,表达也很到位)Again, the scandal between Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky severely influenced the prestige of his eight years' administration which should have to be effaced totally just for the sake of the moral mistake.


On the contrary, when any society or nation (加is)totally controlled by leaders who lacking of a basic sense of morality and ethos, it is self-evidence that the result is either war or coup. They probably will expose the whole society even nation in a dangerous situation and what is even worse is that disaster will influence the whole world. In such a situation, leaders is not only preventing himself from being decent and justice(改为just), ironically, he/she is jeopardizing the benefit of everyone in advocating of peace and democracy .The World war II is a good example here. Adolf Hitler had won the trust of German people in 1930, making them believe German was eager to devour the lands of other nations, with his strong ability of agitation. As a result, the world was brought into abyss of World War II; thousands of innocents were killed in such a tragedy.

However, a public leader is all the same to every one of us physically and mentally, no matter how significant role he plays in the public or society. It is difficult and almost impossible for any public leaders to possess the highest ethical and moral standards. If we were to take the speakers' assertion too far we would risk becoming a world without leaders, who are bred of the ability to manage our society effectively. Weakness and shortcomings filling them out, leaders could not have been ultimately perfect.

In summary, we may define leaders and public officials as catalysts when the whole society are the reagent,  reagent of the society  without the assistance of proper catalyst can not react effectively.  (结尾也干脆利落)

总的来说,这篇文章太赞了,让我自惭形秽啊。我虽然很仔细很仔细想挑你的毛病了,无奈它的光芒还是掩盖了那些小小的瑕疵。学习了,以后一定多向你学习。加油!

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板凳
发表于 2007-11-24 10:31:00 |只看该作者
argument 那个帖子不知道为什么我这里没法回复,所以拍在这里了。

The arguer tends to believe that the revenue of Medicine Inc will go on increasing due to the analysis of the business analysts. At the same time, the arguer proposes that Medicine,Inc should plan to open an additional drugstore next year. A careful examination of it would reveal how groundless it is.(这段简单了点,最好简述一下作者用以支持他论点的理由)

First, the argument is based on a hasty generalization. According to the cited analysis, drugstore's profits are unlikely to decline significantly even when a nation's economy is weak. This fact does not automatically lead to the conclusion that drugstore’s profit will increase all the time, in spite of (in spite of 后面只能跟名词、代词或者名词性从句,因此可以改为no mmatter whether, 因为后面有个or not)the economic mood is in a depression or not.  What if the economic mood is strong enough next years? Does the profit still increase, or it will fall down? The arguer tells nothing about it.  It is entirely possible that when the economy is in a better situation, people spent much more time in exercise, therefore their physical condition is much better than the depression period, and subsequently decreased the profit of drugstore. So in such a situation, the revenue is decreased rather than increased.(drugstore要么用复数表示所有的drugstores,要么加冠词the 表示文中论述的那一家。profit用单复数要统一,同时注意相应的动词形式。)


Again, even if we assume that the general drugstore profit will increased nation wide, arguer can not safely draw the conclusion that the profit in the local area will also increased.  As we all know different places have a different condition, chances are that, while the general profit is increased all through the nation, the revenue in the local direct is still on a balance, or even probably decreased.

Finally, the arguer fails to consider some other relevant factors that may influence the revenue of the new drug store. For instance the local drugstore competitor is out of consideration. Perhaps there is already an over-mounted drug store established this year due to the optimistic drug market in the local area. And the new store will only make the situation even worse.  Moreover, opening a new store in order to promote the profit , the capitalized cost should also take into consideration.

To bolster the conclusion, the recommender should at a minimum provide the more specific drugstore profit analysis of the local area as well as exclude other interrupting factors for opening a new drugstore.   

论述的条理还是蛮清晰的,就是每一条理由扩展得不够。继续努力

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地板
发表于 2007-11-26 09:42:11 |只看该作者
呵呵,这篇是参考了很多别人的例子. 写文章还是找素材最累了.
谢谢komy_lee 同学的认真修改, 让我明白了不少写作中的小问题.
有一点指出,就是文章开头是算背景描述,并不被看做认证部分.所以开头只用适当的入题一下就可以了.

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