1208二战，决定每日作文一篇，求达人修改啊～～

squall3000UID: 2315646

1103一战作文只拿了18，而目标学校要求作文25，天煞的，严重影响申请。现在离二战只剩10天，决定每天大小作文各一篇。
昨天把1103的真题重新拿出来写了一下，不限时完成的，还望达人帮忙修改啊：）

Practise1127

JJ 1103
Independent Writing: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People who do not work because they have enough money are rarely happy.
================

Some people, especially those who are hardworking but not rich, believe that people who do not work because they have enough money are rarely happy. Their reason for this is quite simple: our happiness derives from our colorful life and what we are busy doing, thus people without any work to do are seldom happy. However, this kind of logic is not convincing enough for me, and of course, I disagree with this statement for the following reasons.

To begin with, it is evident that working hard is not a sufficient condition for being happy. There are innumerable people in this world who dedicate their precious time and energy into their work but still feel no happiness. They work so hard and undertake a variety of pressures that they have no time to enjoy with their family. Could these people feel happy? Obviously not! In fact, a majority of them feel unhappy just because of their overload. At the same time, most of us have ever made a wish that one day we would possess countless fortune, free from endless workload, and hence lead a happy life forever, which might suggests the possibility that rich people could be happy without working.

Furthermore, the people who believe that the rich who do not work are unhappy usually live under the illusion that the essential source of happiness lies in working. To be sure, substantial lifestyle is related with happy life to some degree. However, the aforementioned analysis has demonstrated that not every person engaging in work would feel happy; and thus nor is it entirely fanciful to suggest that the essential source of happiness is not hard working itself; radically, it is healthy attitudes towards life that promise our happiness.

Still, there is no denying that almost every person who lives a happy life holds a healthy and positive attitude towards life; consequently, why could not the rich who is free of work but holding a positive philosophy of life be happy? Take Zhen Chen, one of my close friends, for example. Zhen Chen is a millionaire who lives a happy life without doing any work. He had a dream that one day he could visit all over the world, communicate with people from various cultures, and photograph the most splendid and gorgeous landscapes and sceneries. Since he knew that the fulfilling of his dream requires great amounts of money, he established a company with his partners seven years ago and kept working diligently. Now he has become a millionaire and he does not work anymore, because he has enough money. He has been traveling around the world and fulfilling his dream. It is clear that, as he told to me himself, Zhen Chen is a man of happiness and success, while he is free of work at present. Needless to say, as long as holding a healthy philosophy of life and a proper way in pursuit of happiness, a rich man without doing work could enjoy a happy life.

On balance, from what has been discussed above, it could be argued that people who do not work due to enough money they possess could be happy. And considering the tremendous cardinal number of the rich, the happy ones among them are not rare.

543字

[ 本帖最后由 squall3000 于 2007-12-4 01:09 编辑 ]

firhadayUID: 2287086

同一天考试,互相帮助吧!

jeffcn510UID: 2344863

我也同一天考
同样为作文头疼
帮顶～～

squall3000UID: 2315646

Practise1128

JJ1028
Teacher should be paid according to how well his students perform.

yes
1.efficient
2.communication
3.money
================

There is a general discussion over education reformation these days; one of the questions under debate is whether teachers should be paid according to how well their students perform. Some people, especially amounts of teachers, contradict this kind of reformation, since their benefits would be hurt if they were unwilling to work hard. However, as far as I am concerned, I strongly support this new policy for the following reasons.

To begin with, it is evident that paying teachers according to their education achievements can stimulate their initiative and hence raise teaching efficiency in our colleges. Since the payment is related with students' performance, teachers have to try their best to help their students understand the knowledge instructed in class. According to Lau's report (2007), during the last one year in Nanjing Normal University, where the new payment policy has been implemented, the students' academic performance has been improved drastically, while the students' gross points average increased by nine percent. This fact demonstrates convincingly that the new policy, disbursing teachers' payment based on students' performance, could exert a favorable influence on the education quality.

In the second place, this policy could help to establish and advance the relationship between teachers and students. Previously, teachers' payment was independent of students' performance; and unsurprisingly, a great number of students maintained that their teachers didn't care about them, and even the communication after class between them was scarce. However, such adverse conditions could be changed through carrying on the new payment policy. In order to ensure high salaries, teachers under the new policy need to improve students' performance; and consequently, teachers have to communicate more with their students, inquire how much students understand and get feedback, which could aid to build up a close and stable relationship between them.

What is more important, the excellent teachers could benefit a lot from the new policy. Since they are adept at imparting knowledge and edifying students, their education achievements would be remarkable, and hence their salary. Needless to say, under the new payment policy, the excellent teachers would enjoy the high salary, as well as the respect from their students. And of course, they deserve it.

On balance, from what has been discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that the new payment policy has plenty of advantages. Therefore, nor is it entirely fanciful to argue that teachers should be paid according to how well their students perform.


404 words

[ 本帖最后由 squall3000 于 2007-12-3 00:42 编辑 ]

squall3000UID: 2315646

Practise1129
JJ1021
把钱花在度假旅游上好还是存起来好.
someone spend money for traveling and vacation and other persons spend money for future use,which do your prefer.
Yes
1/fun,health
2/exp
3/comm,friend
====
Thanks to the durative economic growth of our country, people in increasing numbers earn much more money and become richer than ever before; and hence a general concern is raised about how to deal with the money. Some people, especially the elder in our society, tend to save money for future use; while others, including most of youngsters, choose to spend money for traveling and vacation. And as a young man, of course, I definitely prefer to enjoy traveling and vacation using the money earned for the following reasons.

To begin with, it is evident that traveling is conducive to both our physical and mental fitness. Because of the great pressure we undergo during our work, we desperately need certain measures to ease the strain; and apparently, outdoor activities, typically traveling, are one of the best ways we can appealing to. When hiking on a renowned mountain or in a national park, we could enjoy the splendid and gorgeous landscapes and sceneries, which helps to relieve our pressure and stress, while the activity itself benefit our health physically.

In the second place, traveling could expand our horizons and enrich our experience of life. When traveling to remote regions of the country or even to another country, we might experience something new, and even something we never thought. We might communicate with people from other cultures; we might visit a centuries-old culture relic; and we might even visit a miracle of architecture; all of which could provide us with fresh but exciting experiences.

What is more important, through traveling, we could make friends with people who share the same interest as ours. According to Lau's report (2007), there are thirty-five percent of people who participate in the survey asserting that some of their close friends are made during their travel or vacation, which convincingly indicates the significance of traveling in terms of making friends. Let alone the instance of Zhen Chen, one of the most successful businessmen in China, who maintains that amounts of his commercial opportunities were given by the friends he made during his travel.

In sum, it is traveling that benefits us a lot in terms of relaxation, enriching our experience, and making friends. Nor is it entirely fanciful to argue that spending for traveling and vacation is worthwhile.

381 words
=====
What is more important, through traveling, we could make friends with people who share the same interest as ours. Take my own experience for example. Last year, when I traveled to Lijiang, the most beautiful small town located in southwest of China, I picked acquaintance with Lau, a writer with a sense of humor. We both love hiking and photography, and naturally we became good friends soon. We planed our tour path and enjoyed the sceneries together. And currently, we still keep in touch with each other through the Internet.


第四段偶写了两遍。第一遍写完觉得太不正式了，第二天早上就又重写了一次～～～都是无限时完成的

[ 本帖最后由 squall3000 于 2007-12-3 00:42 编辑 ]

squall3000UID: 2315646

刚刚完成的，加了一个让步段，不过感觉结构有点散。不凡了，先睡一觉先

Practise1130

JJ1020
Is it more important to spending time on job than spending time with
families

families
1/joy
2/comm
3/healthy

Some people, especially demons for work, maintain that working has priority to family life. However, other citizens believe, as I do, that it is more essential to spend time with families than on jobs.

Admittedly, working is of great importance. After all, it is working that provides us sufficient income supporting our families and ensuring our decent life. Nevertheless, what are we working for? Is working the ultimate pursuit of our life, and hence outweighing our families? Obviously not. In nature, it is personal life, especially family life, that holds the center of our life; and thus it is necessary to pay more time with families. There are several specific reasons to name.

To begin with, the life with families is an essential source of happiness. As a great writer ever said, everybody is a detached island. If this is true, then family life would be the right remedy for our lonely soul. When we picnic with our families, sitting on a cozy bench, breathing the fresh air, enjoying the splendid scenery, what a pleasant time! Needless to say, in contrast with the boring, endless work, life with families is of tremendous happiness.

In the second place, only through the time we spend with families can we communicate with them and hence ensure our families in harmony. According to Lau's report (2007), a great number of families, consisting of thirty-five percent of the families surveyed, broke up due to lack of communication and limited time with families. It is evident that no harmonious family, no happy life. Without a family in harmony, even if we gain amounts of achievements in career, it is still hard to say that we are successful.

What is more important, spending time with families is conducive to our mental health. Because of the great pressure we undergo during our work, we are in desperate need of certain measures to ease the strain; and apparently, spending time with families, is one of the best ways we can appeal to. Since we could communicate with our families, talk about what we have encountered during work, the time spent with families could relieve our pressure and stress, which helps to keep our health mentally.

In the final analysis, family is of the most significance in our life. If our family life is not important, nothing is. Therefore, nor is it entirely fanciful to argue that we should spend more time with our families.


405 words

===
数据表达的另一种替换
According to Lau's report (2007), there are thirty-five percent of families' break due to lack of communication and limited time for family get-together.




[ 本帖最后由 squall3000 于 2007-12-3 00:50 编辑 ]

squall3000UID: 2315646

:confused:

firhadayUID: 2287086

这个怎么那么多啊!我慢慢看哦

firhadayUID: 2287086

下次把字弄大一点点吧,那样看的舒服!
看见了一些小的语法问题,不过不影响理解的,个人感觉很好啊,层次也很清晰,用词也多,就是你觉得第二段的转折词用了多了些吗?感觉怪怪的!
其他的感觉都还不错!
哈哈,学习了哈~~~

squall3000UID: 2315646

昨天休了一整天，狂有负罪感。。。今天一定争取把习作补上～～～

chou123chou1234UID: 2323836

看了一下,除了小小的语法问题,基本可以拿5-6分.
但是很重要的是你的模版不好,其实模版是很重要一部份
你的模版过于简单,而且用词的高度也不够
把一些简单的词换成复杂一点的就能上一个档次
比如.借用NN斑竹的一句,你的是to begin with  ,furthermore , still
nothing is more important today than the one that refer to the  adj
sth is another indispensable and critical reason i have chosen to put there .
superior  as  sth is , everything has its duality that ... ...
好长时间没打了，都不知道打错没有
就是告诉你一下，这样不仅文章上一个档次，字数也多了不少
一般字数越多 ，分数越高．一般都要４５０＋

加油

squall3000UID: 2315646

你的建议太好了！学习中～～～

1/nothing is more important today than the one that refer to the  adj
2/sth is another indispensable and critical reason i have chosen to put there .
3/superior  as  sth is , everything has its duality that ... ...

[ 本帖最后由 squall3000 于 2007-12-3 01:22 编辑 ]

wyshUID: 2339937

字体太小，看着很吃力啊

squall3000UID: 2315646

Practise1202

JJ1017
agree or disagree that: 学校至少让学生学一门course of culture of a country rather than their own

yes
1/tolerant,personality
2/comm,joy
3/horizon,exp

===

There is a general discussion over education reformation  in many universities and colleges these days; one of the questions under debate is whether students should be required to study at least one course of culture of a country rather than their own. As for me, I, definitely, advocate this new policy for the following reasons.

To start with, in terms of pedagogy, studying other cultures could be conducive to the building-up of students' personality and help to reshape their outlook of life. It is evident that cultural tolerance is one of the key characters in the plural society, since we always face great amounts of cross-cultural communication. According to Lau's report (2007), a considerable number of cultural shocks, consisting of seventy-five percent of the ones studied, occurred arising from the incomprehension of the other culture; and apparently the courses of other cultures would enable our students to understand more about other cultural communities, and hence be more tolerant to them.

In the second place, as a kind of proper alternative, courses of other cultures are relatively more interesting and attractive for students to study, and thus could be a good way to relieve students' stress. Because of the academic strain students undergo and the tedious courses they take, they are in desperate need of certain measures to ease and even entertain themselves; and learning about other cultures, especially some interesting stories and traditions, might be one of the best ways to stimulate their curiosity and relieve their stress.

What is more important, it is the courses of other cultures that would expand students' horizon and broaden their mind. Considering the inevitable trend of global economic integration, global awareness is of extreme significance in the current society. Needless to say, the new education policy, that is to say, requesting students to study the courses of other cultures is the best and available measure to arouse students' global awareness. Through carrying out this new policy, not only individuals, but also our society as a whole, could benefit a lot in the future.

In the final analysis, from what has been discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that learning other culture has a variety of advantages. Therefore, nor is it entirely fanciful to argue that courses of other cultures should be required to learn for all the students.


387 words


[ 本帖最后由 squall3000 于 2007-12-3 18:13 编辑 ]

squall3000UID: 2315646

刚刚把字体全部放大到了2号，是不是好点了？：）