Aero作文小组第一次作业布置

tonyyoreUID: 2317273

Argument153 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-779426-1-2.html
Issue243 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-779427-1-2.html
昨晚忘了发地址了，呵呵~

ragingfireUID: 186932

Issue243：https://bbs.gter.net/thread-779789-1-1.html

才写好的 实在没时间写Argument了，下次一定努力！

tonyyoreUID: 2317273

要熬夜拍文了~~

[ 本帖最后由 tonyyore 于 2007-12-14 13:14 编辑 ]

wizardzUID: 2268761

第一次作业
Issue https://bbs.gter.net/thread-780012-1-1.html
Argument https://bbs.gter.net/thread-780013-1-1.html

wellwillUID: 2238480

互拍是怎么安排的？

武寒UID: 2300087

我的作业重新发了,上面作业帖子的地址已经更新了

liruixinsnakeUID: 2373729

issue 243：
    Artistic creations is,first of all,quite a part of the value of civilization.（文章缺少一个引子，上来就开始说艺术。。。这应该是第二个自然段的内容，第一段应该表明你的观点，包含Artistic和scientific accomplishment）The Divin Comedy composed by Dante starts the world literature written in a modern European vernacular.And Leonardo Da Vinci created the celebrated painting of the Mona Lisa that remains the most famous portrait ever done.（例子举出来了，但没有和civilization紧密联系啊）From the painting, he doesn`t just want to show his perfect skills, while furthermore, he wants to share his appreciation of the beautiful and to express himself. As for a nation analogously, the crucial element is from the ideaistic aspect which takes a dominant part in the course of almost anything. The artistic creation is one of those methods to express all kinds of ideas. It makes our life more integrated and more colourful without which our life might become a vain or gray one. And all of us will gradually lose ourselves in the same inaminate(inanimate)  job and study as time went by.
    Is scientific accomplishment really significant? Of course. Does any apparatus or instrument around a person can be seen in the antiquity when we were ignorant about the science? Absolutely not. (两个自问自答允用的很自如，表现力很强，能体现出观点性)It is the Technological Revolution that brings us nearly all of the beneficial apparatus and the wonderful skills.（强调句式值得学习） As an essential role inside them, scientific accomplishment does make a great sense. It may , in addition, also occur in any or all of the dimensions such as the body of technical skills or procedures, the organizational networks associated with activities or skills and so forth. Like Henry Ford, he invented the working model of pipelining, hancing the productivity and making it possible that a person can get a model-T car at the price of several hundreds of dollars. Just one scientific achievement can change a lot.(第一个例子可以支持这个观点，但下面微软的例子应该另作观点声明~因为它不止是一个one scientific achievement) The operating systems like Windows and Ms-Dos etc. from Microsoft company undoubtedly make a deep impact on the industry nowadays by  improving the proformance(performance)  of computers and apparatuses. With these accomplishments we can live a happy and cosy life like a cork.
    While in my lights of view, both appreciable artistic creations and advanced scientific accomplishments are the reflection of a civilization’s value. （这才是你的观点，应该开头给出。）They are always prosperous at the same time like Tang Dinasty(Dynasty)  in China and the Renaissance in Italy. One side what we have invented will be of no use without art, (while)on the other hand ,without science, albeit what a wonderful creativity or imagination artists have, it will not be realised(realized). So they are interdependent and as long as they collaborate, we can get to the properity（prosperity）.



优点：很多句式很好，可以看出功底深厚，用词华丽恰当，例子很有风格，比较鲜明
缺点：结构性不是很强，错别字比较多，逻辑性有待提高。

加油哈~！

[ 本帖最后由 liruixinsnake 于 2007-12-16 02:44 编辑 ]

hziu2UID: 2326409

issue 243：
    Artistic creations is,first of all,quite a part of the value of civilization.The Divin Comedy composed by Dante starts the world literature written in a modern European vernacular.And Leonardo Da Vinci created the celebrated painting of the Mona Lisa that remains the most famous portrait ever done.From the painting,he doesn`t just want to show his perfect skills,while furthermore,he wants to share his appreciation of the beautiful and to express himself. 我是想不出这么多的例子了。。赞。但是在一开头就给出，有些浪费了，作者没放对地方吧。As for a nation analogously, the crucial element is from the idealistic  aspect which takes a dominant part in the course of almost anything.The artistic creation is one of those methods to express all kinds of ideas. It makes our life more integrated and more colourful without which our life might become a vain or gray one.（It makes our life more integrated and more colorful, and our life might become vain and gray without it ）And all of us will gradually lose ourselves in the same inaminate job and study as time went by（这个。。有联系么）.
    Is scientific accomplishment really significant? Of course(of course it is.). Does any apparatus or instrument around a person can be seen in the antiquity when we were ignorant about（ignore） the science?(应该用虚拟语气啊，而且这个句子看不懂，希望作者也好好看看) Absolutely not. It is the Technological Revolution that brings us nearly all of the beneficial apparatus and the wonderful skills. As an essential role inside them（指代不清）, scientific accomplishment does make a great sense. It may ,in addition, also occur in any or all of the dimensions such as the body of technical skills or procedures, the organizational networks associated with activities or skills and so forth.Like Henry Ford, he invented the working model of pipelining, hancing  the productivity and making it possible that a person can get a model-T car at the price of several hundreds of dollars. Just one scientific achievement can change a lot.这个例子举得不错，但缺少结论The operating systems like Windows and Ms-Dos etc. from Microsoft company undoubtedly make a deep impact on the industry nowadays by  improving the proformance of computers and apparatuses.With these accomplishments we can live a happy and cosy life like a cork(去掉).
    While in my lights of view（while in my view）,both appreciable artistic creations and advanced scientific accomplishments are the reflection of a civilization`s value. They are always prosperous at the same time like Tang Dynasty in China and the Renaissance in Italy. One side what we have invented will be of no use without art, on the other hand ,without science, albeit what a wonderful creativity or imagination artists have ,it will not be realized(even though artists have  creative and image idea, they can’t  practice ). So they are interdependent and as long as they collaborate, we can get to the properity.(so when artistic and science collaborate each other and develop interdependently, our society will go to prosperity )
作者的论据准备得不错，赞一个。但是论据与论点没有好的结合，使得文章观点不突出。
文章出现很多拼写和语法错误，表达看起来很生硬，很汉化，看得有些吃力，而且有的句子读不懂。我的水平也有限，不能参悟作者的思想。
觉得还是多熟悉句式表达吧，还得补补语法了。
写得不错，思维挺发散的。

[ 本帖最后由 hziu2 于 2007-12-16 10:22 编辑 ]

hziu2UID: 2326409

argument：
     The argument is well-presented, but not hundred-percent well-reasoned(not very reasonable).By making a comparison of the rate of the increase in both teenage crime and violence shown on TV and presenting the relevant national studies and a survey conducted among the parents, the argument reducing the amount of violence shown in order to lower the rate of teenage crime in Alta seems logical.
     However, the television viewers are failing to (fail to) consider other possible alternatives to the increasing rate of the teenage crime after the TV sets appeared in the average home. Such alternatives may include the cause that the policies are more propitious for children to become violent, or that the education about violence during their school time is inadequate. It is also possible that there is too much pressure but too(去掉) few ways to take out. To be violent or（去掉） to do（doing） things with the ultra method is reasonable. In addition, the viewers failed (fail 时态一致吧) to calculate（consider / concern ） the circumstances around their children inside their home（the children at home）. Perhaps quite a few of the parents themselves have the mania to watch the violence shown on television. It appears more rational, therefore, for the viewers to concentrate on these trouble spots than to apply for reducing the violence shown.
    According to the national studies, the children who watch the TV shows featuring violent scenes a lot may display more violent behavior within their home. But what’s the true meaning of the"national"? What`s its real range of the objects investigated? Can it reflect the actual situation? We can`t get any more information about it. And then, what it refers to is within the children`s  home. That is to say the so-called violent behavior is not absolute which is not the real violence（not absolutely a real violence）, maybe, just a kind of way to abreact.作者用反问的排比结构看起来很有力，但只是语气上的加强，却没有论证和论据加以支撑。
    At last,90 percent is just a proportion while we don`t know the total number exactly. Maybe the sum is too little to reflect the real situation.作者应该抓住这个好好的批驳一把呀
    Overall, the reasoning(reason) behind reducing the amount of violence shown seems logical as presented above since the viewers are acting in their interests so that their children can own better surroundings to thrive. 有个疑问，驳论文中出现正面的肯定有没有必要。这句话似乎与文章的基调起了冲突Albeit so, what the really significant is finding the real reason causing the increase in the rate of teenage crime, therefore, the officials should take it serious that they ought to consider all of or even more than the reasons above before they take actions.
作者的思维不错，批驳的论点抓得不错。但是缺少必要的支撑。作者应该深入下去。
还是那句话，多背文章，找着英语的感觉。看得有些吃力，用词有些生硬了。

[ 本帖最后由 hziu2 于 2007-12-16 10:13 编辑 ]