issue160[5f 12-12]

兰子UID: 2404184

160"The most essential quality of an effective leader is the ability to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives. Any leader who is quickly and easily influenced by shifts in popular opinion will accomplish little."
持否定观点!
提纲:1,领导者的意见不一定是正确的,需要他人的意见来将其完善.
     2,强迫他人去服从领导者的意见会降低领导效率
     3,一味坚持自己的意见会是领导者变得自以为是，从而带来不好的后果！

To be frank, I do not agree with the speaker’s assertion that leaders should remain consistently committed to principles and objectives. From my point of view, the leaders should share the principles with their team members and have willingness to accept suggestion. And in this way, the leaders have partners, co-creators and principles or objectives no longer rests on the leaders’ own shoulders alone. Reasons are discussed below.

First of all, there are possibilities that principles and objectives the leaders committed to are not as perfect as they think or even have some flaws. So based on these situation, the deed that the leaders have been influenced by shifts in popular opinion or compromised to the subordinates can not be interpreted negatively. On the contrary, it will result in some changes in the decision made by the leaders that will benefit both the leaders and the subordinates. This can be substantiated by many successful leaders in business field, which attribute their success to listen to others’ opinions.

To go on with, if the leader strongly keep his/her own principles, while, it happens that these principles are not accepted by the subordinates, then, it is likely that the subordinates either reject the principles or simply go through the motions of supporting it. In either case, it is doubtful the principles and objectives will ever become reality. Even if the subordinates can be forced to do things in the short term, but they will abandon these principles and objectives as they figure out hoe to come out from under the strong arm of the leaders. Who has not earned their commitment. Looking back to the history, such kind of examples are countless. The autocrats who believed totally wrong principles and objectives remained their ideas strongly, they fighted  with other countries and regardless of the willingness of peace atmosphere among his civilians. At last, they are all faced with failure for no supports from the civilians.

The last but not the least, if the leader has already keep the habit of remaining his own principles and dose not listen to others advice, he will become arrogated and consequential at last. We can clearly regard the story of Napoleon, he insisted to fight with the Russia despite the strong difference ideas in his emperor. However, the great leader only left us lots of pites.

To sum up, leaders are asked for many qualities besides their consistence committed to particular principles and objectives and such principles and objectives should be careful taken after considering about the society's material situation. As long as the leaders in every field keep an open mind to popular opinions, and as long as they think comprehensively on the reasons and reality, they will certainly lead us to a better future.

[ 本帖最后由 lastangel 于 2007-12-12 12:48 编辑 ]

最後の使徒UID: 2257608

160"Themost essential quality of an effective leader is the ability to remainconsistently committed to particular principles and objectives. Anyleader who is quickly and easily influenced by shifts in popularopinion will accomplish little."
持否定观点!
提纲:1,领导者的意见不一定是正确的,需要他人的意见来将其完善.
     2,强迫他人去服从领导者的意见会降低领导效率
     3,一味坚持自己的意见会是领导者变得自以为是，从而带来不好的后果！

To be frank,(口语化短语不要用) I do not agree withthe speaker’s assertion that leaders should remain consistentlycommitted to principles and objectives.（需要精确重述作者的意思，“最重要的品质是坚持自己的原则和目的”而不是“应该坚持自己的原则和目的“，二者是子集关系，你的出发点会造成论述中的偏题） From my point of view, theleaders should share the principles with their team members and havewillingness to accept suggestion.（team members从哪来的？要先说明领导集团的存在，不然这个词的使用就没有context，而accept suggestion也不等于不坚持原则和目的，建议与这二者的定义并不重复） And in this way, the leaders havepartners, co-creators and principles or objectives no longer rests onthe leaders’ own shoulders alone.（co-creators又是哪来的？） Reasons are discussed below.（what reason?还是没有context）
严重的问题，上来就是跑题了，或者说这篇文章想讨论什么没有交代清楚，我想你的意思是：
I do not agree with the speaker's assertion that remaining consistently to particular principles and objectives is the most essential quality of an effective leader. Leaders are inevitably connected with their teams and followers, which mean they must cooperate and negotiate with others. The speaker's concern may rise the risk of autocracy. In this sense, I believe the leaders should share the principles and objectives with the teams and followers. Remaining to their own ones is not the most essential, or even a proper quality of an effective leader.
另外就是语言的context，英语对于时态、人称、惯词搭配之所以有这么多要求就是因为它是一种high text language，这不同于中文，任何句子中的名词、时间都要有所指，没提到过就忽然出现便显得很突兀。

First of all, there arepossibilities that principles and objectives the leaders committed toare not as perfect as they think or even have some flaws. So based onthese situation, the deed that the leaders have been influenced byshifts in popular opinion or compromised to the subordinates can not beinterpreted negatively.On the contrary, it will result in some changesin the decision made by the leaders that will benefit both the leadersand the subordinates. This can be substantiated by many successfulleaders in business field, which attribute their success to listen toothers’ opinions.

这段的论证和举例都太笼统了，what flaw? what changes? what benefit? why they can be helpful? 需要进一步解释：众人具慧眼，帮助LEADER改正错误，LEADER一个人精力有限，很多方面注意不到，或者知识有限，现在的领导任务需要综合统筹各专业，所以需要别人的补充，然后举点具体例子，商业领袖如果经济出身，可能对法律不了解，所以需要律师帮忙，等等

To go on with, if the leaderstrongly keep his/her own principles, while, it happens that theseprinciples are not accepted by the subordinates, then, it is likelythat the subordinates either reject the principles or simply go throughthe motions of supporting it. In either case, it is doubtful theprinciples and objectives will ever become reality.（why? 每个人的思想不一样，观点不一样，所以对于领导的选择也会有不同看法，等等，还是确实进一步解释） Even if thesubordinates can be forced to do things in the short term, but theywill abandon these principles and objectives as they figure out hoe tocome out from under the strong arm of the leaders. Who has not earnedtheir commitment. Looking back to the history, such kind of examplesare countless. The autocrats who believed totally wrong principles  （这个又回到上一段的论点了，这里你要讨论的是领导者的原则和目标与大众背离却过于坚持而无法落实，而不是原则和目标本身就是错的）andobjectives remained their ideas strongly, they fighted  with othercountries and regardless of the willingness of peace atmosphere amonghis civilians. At last, they are all faced with failure for no supportsfrom the civilians.（具体例子比概述更有说服力，那么多独裁者呢，随便说几个，希特勒、斯大林、弗朗哥……）

The last but not the least, if theleader has already keep the habit of remaining his own principles anddose not listen to others advice, he will become arrogated andconsequential at last. We can clearly regard the story of Napoleon, heinsisted to fight with the Russia despite the strong difference ideasin his emperor. However, the great leader only left us lots of pites.
这段没分析原因，心理因素，比如心理暗示、催眠、惰性等等，要进一步展开

To sum up,leaders are asked for many qualities besides their consistencecommitted to particular principles and objectives and such principlesand objectives should be careful taken after considering about thesociety's material situation. As long as the leaders in every fieldkeep an open mind to popular opinions, and as long as they thinkcomprehensively on the reasons and reality, they will certainly lead usto a better future.

总评：
1、逻辑： 有些句子之间的逻辑不够清晰，往往很跳跃，主要见首段批注。其它段落的逻辑组织还是不错的
2、论证：这个是主要问题，段落中的句子虽然有逻辑联系，但由于缺乏论证，所以显得都是些无依据的假设，使文章的说服力大打折扣，建议看下官方范文用的论证手法，比喻、例证等等，同时注意实例的积累。
3、思路：严重一点说，跑题了，题目是在讨论”最重要“”有效的领导“，在文章中都没有提到，这跟首段写的混乱不无关系，后文的方向不明确，所以分开论述也就对不到题目了。另外题目的后半句作为补充却没有在文章中被讨论，这也很严重，因为题目并没有说”领导一定要坚持“，而是说”应该坚持“，加上补充以后就是”不能轻易改变“，而不是”不能改变“，可以看的出你的文章都是以”不能改变“为前提讨论的，这样就偏离了题目的逻辑前提，因此在讨论时需要说明”easily的范围很难界定，这种观点会造成领导过于坚持自己的观点，从而……“也就是”恶劣影响法“
通常这种带极端修饰词或者感情修饰词的题目想反对都不容易，一定要对其中的这种词汇进行讨论，不然很容易偏题。建议看下北美范文的ISSUE17，有助于你理解这种方法的使用。

加油~

luoysngboUID: 2554227

受教了