ARGUMENT53 [desperado小组] 第11次作业by 铅华落尽

hdofrucUID: 2434623

TOPIC: ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
WORDS: 387          TIME: 00:44:55          DATE: 2007-12-20 13:52:26
The author claims that it is the increased levels of melatonin before birth that cause shyness during infancy and later life, through a research and some conclusion of what effect the shyness. However, carefully inspect what he has given made me doubt his argument, as I find so many uncertaintity and unsure assumptions the author relies on.
首先，据个人所知，婴儿或多或少对陌生环境会有不同程度的紧张，作者没有提供说明这些婴儿比其他婴儿更紧张。而且这一组婴儿的详细资料也没给，比如性别（如果女孩子比男孩子更容易害羞呢？）、比如出生区域（会不会没有代表性）
Firstly, as far as I know, almost every single infant would feel uneasy when he or she is placed in an unusually environment, such as unfamilar odor or unknown voice. The author has not metioned this situation and fails to give evidence that these 25 infants involved in the research are much shy than others. Furthermore, the author gives no specific infermation about these 25 infants, that is the gender, born area, and so on, which means great uncertainty. Maybe, these 25 infants are most girls, and girls might be more shy than boys. Maybe, they are from the same area, which means that they are not representative enough.
2.到底这些婴儿里有多大的比例是早秋怀孕？即使比例够大，25人的样本太小了。Melatonin与害羞没有直接关系，可能是早秋怀孕导致的其他母体变化导致的害羞。
Secondly, how many of these 25 babies are conveived in early autumn? The author does not give a exact percentage, therefore, we can not tell that born in early autumn is an absolute phenomena and enough for research. Even this percentage is pretty high, 25 is such a small number that drawing a conclusion from them is not convincing enough. In addition, melatonin has none straight relationship with shyness, it might be other changes happen in mothers' bodies that caused the shyness.
3.也没有信息表明婴儿早期的signs of mild distress导致了后来他们的害羞，而且这种害羞没有比较性，只是其中超过一半的人自己觉得比较害羞，首先在别人看来不一定害羞，其次，可能这个年龄段认为自己害羞的比例本来就有一半以上。而且会不会持续到更晚也未知。
Thirdly, the author gives no evidence that the sighs of mild distress during infancy cause their shyness 13 years later. Maybe the environment they live did this. Even so, this shyness happens in the follow-up study is a shyness of self esthetic, which means that other people may not think they are shy or even more other peers are shier.  Furthermore, there is no infermation about whether this phenomena will last long to their later life.
To, sum up, the author fails to give sufficent evidence and infermation to strength his conclusion, uncertain and questionable assumptions result in its unpersuasive. To let me believe in the conclusion, the author have to do more work and study, and find the inside relationship between melatonin and shyness, through eliminating other probably casual reasons or so.

[ 本帖最后由 hdofruc 于 2007-12-20 23:32 编辑 ]

chenjia1983UID: 2421210

The author claims that it is the increased levels of melatonin before birth that cause shyness during infancy and later life, through a research and some conclusion of what effect the shyness. However, carefully inspect what he has given made me doubt his argument, as I find so many uncertaintity and unsure assumptions the author relies on.
首先，据个人所知，婴儿或多或少对陌生环境会有不同程度的紧张，作者没有提供说明这些婴儿比其他婴儿更紧张。而且这一组婴儿的详细资料也没给，比如性别（如果女孩子比男孩子更容易害羞呢？）、比如出生区域（会不会没有代表性）
Firstly, as far as I know (号称有主观嫌疑，北美推荐：Common sense tells me or Experience tells me), almost every single infant would feel uneasy when he or she is placed in an unusually (ad.?) environment, such as unfamilar (unfamiliar) odor or unknown voice. The author has not metioned (mentioned) this situation and fails to give evidence that these 25 infants involved in the research are much shy (shier?) than others. Furthermore, the author gives no specific infermation (information) about these 25 infants, that is the (such as) gender, born area, and so on, which means great uncertainty. Maybe, these 25 infants are most girls, and girls might be more shy (much shier) than boys. Maybe, they are from the same area, which means that they are not representative enough.
2.到底这些婴儿里有多大的比例是早秋怀孕？即使比例够大，25人的样本太小了。Melatonin与害羞没有直接关系，可能是早秋怀孕导致的其他母体变化导致的害羞。
Secondly, how many of these 25 babies are conveived (conceived) in early autumn? The author does not give a exact percentage, therefore, we (you?) can not tell that (being) born in early autumn is an absolute phenomena (phenomenon?) and enough for research (what do you mean by saying that?). Even this percentage is pretty high, 25 is such a small number that drawing a conclusion from them is not convincing enough. In addition, melatonin has none straight relationship with shyness, it might be other changes happen in mothers' bodies that caused the shyness.
3.也没有信息表明婴儿早期的signs of mild distress导致了后来他们的害羞，而且这种害羞没有比较性，只是其中超过一半的人自己觉得比较害羞，首先在别人看来不一定害羞，其次，可能这个年龄段认为自己害羞的比例本来就有一半以上。而且会不会持续到更晚也未知。
Thirdly, the author gives no evidence that the sighs of mild distress during infancy cause their shyness 13 years later. Maybe the environment they live did this. Even so, this shyness happens in the follow-up study is a shyness of self esthetic, which means that other people may not think they are shy or even more other peers are shier.  Furthermore, there is no infermation about whether this phenomena will last long to their later life.
To, sum up, the author fails to give sufficent evidence and infermation to strength his conclusion, uncertain and questionable assumptions result in its unpersuasive. To let me believe in the conclusion, the author have to do more work and study, and find the inside relationship between melatonin and shyness, through eliminating other probably casual reasons or so.

建议：
1. 首先解决红绿线，提高单词语法正确率；
2. 要客观，不要你认为，你说；是arguer说，editorial说，manager说…
3. 背几篇北美范文，掌握一点专业词汇；
4. 加强文章连贯性，推理的严谨性，不是找错误，是找推理的缺陷，要跟结论联系起来；5. 要抓住文章的主要矛盾，举出有说服力的相反可能；
6. 最后，还是推荐北美范文，看人家怎么分析，怎么反驳，怎么连结上下文，怎么做结论
7. 具体分析就不说了，网上都有
第10次作业了，要加油啊…

hdofrucUID: 2434623

非常感谢！一语点醒梦中人！ 你眼力太好了，我确实还没怎么看过北美范文，差点一错再错下去

hdofrucUID: 2434623

The author claims that it is the increased levels of melatonin before birth that cause shyness during infancy and later life, through a research and some conclusion of what effect the shyness. However, carefully inspect what he has given made me doubt his argument, as I find so many uncertainty and unsure assumptions the author relies on.

Firstly, common sense tells me, almost every single infant would feel uneasy when he or she is placed in an unusual environment, such as unfamiliar odor or unknown voice. The author has not mentioned this situation and fails to give evidence that these 25 infants involved in the research are much shier than others. Furthermore, the author gives no specific information about these 25 infants, such as gender, born area, and so on, which means great uncertainty. Maybe, these 25 infants are most girls, and girls might be much shier than boys. Maybe, they are from the same area, which means that they are not representative enough.

Secondly, how many of these 25 babies are conceived in early autumn? The author does not give an exact percentage. Assuming the percentage is 40%, higher than other infants’ which might be 25%, and the percentage of infants born in spring is 50%, then it becomes a wrong relationship between melatonin and shyness, because spring might strengthen another substance which can cause the shyness. Even this percentage is pretty high, 25 is such a small number that drawing a conclusion from them is not convincing enough. In addition, melatonin has none straight relationship with shyness, it might be other changes happen in mothers' bodies that caused the shyness.

Thirdly, the author gives no evidence that the sighs of mild distress during infancy cause their shyness 13 years later. Maybe the environment they live did this. Even so, this shyness happens in the follow-up study is a shyness of self esthetic, which means that other people may not think they are shy or even more other peers are shier.  Furthermore, there is no information about whether this phenomena will last long to their later life.

To sum up, the author fails to give sufficient evidence and information to strengthen his conclusion, uncertain and questionable assumptions result in its unpersuasive. To let me believe in the conclusion, the author have to do more work and study, and find the inside relationship between melatonin and shyness, through eliminating other probably casual reasons or so.

绿松石UID: 2427549

我现在特别想讨论一下argu怎么写的丰富有层次我觉得比issue还难啊 我现在一写就是模版那几句 干巴巴的