issue38 [AWER小组]to穿拖鞋...作业15

陈星君UID: 2416582

Issue38"In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books." [05/57; 06/3]
在电视机时代，阅读书籍已经没有原来那样重要了。人们从电视上学到的东西丝毫不比从书本中学来的少。

With the popularity of television, people in increasing number begin to realize its’ importance and have come to be captivated ,and even some of them think so much about it that, in their opinion, most of the knowledge ,which have been traditionally absorbed from books ,now can be obtained from television without the need of reading again, the same thought as the speaker illustrated here .It seems sound and attempting at first glance, however, just with a deeper thought ,much insufficiency in the speaker's claim emerge, which I will elucidate below . As far as I am concerned, I can't agree with the speaker’s preference, and the importance of reading[books] can never been substituted by television, and in turn, the latter just play an auxiliary role, which would be proved by too much evidence just as follows.
  
Undoubtedly, the position of television in mass' life should never be neglected, which[=position吗] makes us informed of[这里用of吗?我的理解by--不知是否恰当?这里是make+n./prop.+a.形式吗？呵呵,纯个人观点] various knowledge of many fields, and all kinds of news of everywhere throughout the world. From this point, it manifests its’ particular advantage to books, which, however, also have little power to overthrow reading’s superiority[...,it...books, which,...reading’s superiority.这里it=position;which=books,因为后面用复数,那么books overthrow superiority不论是否little--都有问题;另外,假如which=it,那就是 position of television overthrow reading’s superiority;第三,reading’s superiority=阅读理解的优越感,应该是television优越感于books在reading方面吧.]

In the first place, the knowledge on television are just superficial, not professional, from which, admittedly, can we have the access to much information, unfortunately, which always involve some typical or extreme cases, such as a huge breakthrough in some fields, which will never grant us a chance to get the detail of the process, or some other field’s development in which we may really be interested.[这里四个which,前面两个which=knowledge,第三个which=knowledge还是=some fields?若前者则应该加个and才行.强悍!!一个自然段就一句话,不把ETS判官看傻才怪,哈哈~~典型的ETS...]

In the second place, you will never know what the television will present to you, boring advertizement, affecting soap play, or even some negative programs, such as some violent movies. For a supporting example we can get it from a popular movie named guhuozai, which propagates the earnest brotherliness among a crowd of local ruffians, and what’s worse, it justified the rightness of violence, and the pizzazz to be a ruffian. How can we depend on the so-called knowledge to replace reading, while which inoculates us with all sorts of sparkling thoughts of many great people.[knowledge to replace reading??这里作者罗例了许多的example想说明television---books什么关系]

In the third place, television program, in essence, just a commercial action. How to get fullest profit is what those behind the curtain are really concerned about. With a fierce competition and therefore the heavy burden, people in this society just desire to get a channel to indulge themselves with multifarious entertainment to relax, television naturally seizes the opportunity and caters to this trend. So what kinds of program will take on,and whether it can serve with helpful knowledge is suspectable and disconcerting.
[主题television--commercial.(...people...)说明,whether it can serve with helpful knowledge is suspectable and disconcerting---表明了television---books怎样的关系]

From what have been discussed above, we clearly realize how ridiculous the thought, television can take place of reading, would be. And it is also a cliché here to prove the importance of reading to all of us, just taking a look at how modernization our world now, which, we could proudly declaim, should be attributed to reading books.

To sum up, we can easily draw a conclusion, reading books should always be superior to watching television, and only through reading can we obtain the knowledge which really meet our need, no matter from the quality or the practicability.


纯个人观点,仅供参考:
1.后面两段流畅,立场鲜明.
2.作者是想用反证法来证明the speaker的不对,但是第2.3.4.5.段只可意会.
3.有关论证段的点评,请看上面.
4.老兄的GRE单词一定过关了,我学到了不少.嘻嘻--感谢!
5.汗~~~我--别无他法--赤脚追赶.......

穿着拖鞋追你UID: 2375959

多谢陈兴君细致的推敲和批改啊！你的逻辑性好强也非常的清晰，是个搞科研的料啊，呵呵！

现对你的批改做如下回复：
1："...and the importance of reading[books] can never been ...，"我想在此reading可以表示阅读的意思，当然reading books紧扣题目一点！

2：“which[=position吗] makes us informed of[这里用of吗?我的理解by--不知是否恰当?这里是make+n./prop.+a.形式吗？呵呵,纯个人观点] various knowledge of many fields”   此处的结构是 “inform someone of sth ”加上make构成被动的形式，我想这种形式应该可以用的吧！

3:"[...,it...books, which,...reading’s superiority" 这里我想用“it=television；which=television"  你一连串的推理可是让我直冒冷汗啊，你太厉害了！也是经过对你的疑问的思考我才意识到，我前面应该出现 television 做主语才可以让 it 找到真正的归属啊！

4：“reading’s superiority=阅读理解的优越感,应该是television优越感于books在reading方面吧 ”此处我用  reading superiorty想表示阅读的优势，我在前面用了一个however，就是想强调虽然television有advantage，但是依然不能overthrow阅读的优势，当然我应该接着在后面展开写，给出例证可能会好点，要不然也不能作为一个明显有利的理由论证了（刚刚意识到，哈！）

5：”it manifests its’ particular advantage to book“小心啊，你也犯了和我上次一样的错误咯！just “its”！

6：“.[这里四个which,前面两个which=knowledge,第三个which=knowledge还是=some fields?若前者则应该加个and才行.强悍!!一个自然段就一句话,不把ETS判官看傻才怪,哈哈~~典型的ETS...]“我是应该加上一个and才对！我想我应该分开来写会比较好一点的！一段一个句子太不象话了，呵呵！

7：“.[knowledge to replace reading??这里作者罗例了许多的example想说明television---books什么关系]” 我在此处只是想说电视的不好，不想说明和书的关系，这一点也是我整篇文章想用的论证思路，即前面全部都说电视的缺点（当然偶尔会提及书对比出来的优点），然后在最后的总结中点一下书的优点（“And it is also a cliché here to prove the importance of reading to all of us, just taking a look at how modernization our world now, which, we could proudly declaim, should be attributed to reading books. ”），由此证明电视不可取代阅读书籍。不知你是否认可我这种写法了，我心里没底啊，呵呵！
   

另外我想请教一下（这是我自己的修改意见啦），我觉得我的第二个论证不行，因为电视的缺陷恰恰书同时也具备，所以应该换掉！
还有我觉得我的开头应该点明：随着电视的普及，书的作用被弱化了，从而有了作者的说法，然后再去反驳这一观点，是不是更能突出问题的尖锐和我论证的针对性了？
你的意见了？


多谢星君啦！



[ 本帖最后由 穿着拖鞋追你 于 2007-12-23 00:58 编辑 ]

陈星君UID: 2416582

1."我觉得我的第二个论证不行，因为电视的缺陷恰恰书同时也具备，所以应该换掉！"----我想可以.
2."开头应该点明：随着电视的普及，书的作用被弱化了，从而有了作者的说法，然后再去反驳这一观点，是不是更能突出问题的尖锐和我论证的针对性了？"-----这样,你的个性就独特--鲜明了.
3.你真谦虚,有空的话,请帮我改一下文章好吗?---3楼的.....互相学习学习
:handshake