ARGUMENT9 杀G精锐部队第一次作业 BY 虾米

xuxiajjUID: 2438901

TOPIC: ARGUMENT9 - The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.

"Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent. Potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors."

In this memo which mentioned that Omega graduates do not as successful at getting jobs as the graduates from the nearby Alpha University. To support these assertions the author pointed out that in the past 15 years that Omega has operated a new project which evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. This procedure explains the grade-average increase, which also created a perception among employers that Omega graduates are less qualified for jobs. And in order to make the chance for graduates from Omega University to find a better job, they should terminate the procedure. However, the argument relies on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions, which render it unconvincing as it stands.
A threshold problem with the argument involves the number of the evaluation procedure. It did not provide any evidence about the number or percentage of Omega students who participate in the project. Perhaps lacking of these numbers of students the result will not as reliable as the author mentioned.
Accordingly, the argument rests on the assumption that the higher grades given by the author is because of the procedure which evaluated the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. There are a host of reasons to be responsible for the increase of the higher grades in their classes—such as the students who have concentrated more on their subjects, or higher quality of the admissions. Without the exact explanations for the increasing grade, is cannot make us convincing that by terminating the procedure will the graduates to get a better job than the graduates in Alpha University do.
Yet, we are not informed that the reason for the situation that Omega graduates are less successful than Alpha graduates in getting a job that are only due to the devaluation of their grades. Perhaps the curriculum of Omega does not give students an effective background as the Alpha does. In a word, without a concerning the other reasons which might contribute to the lack of success getting a jobs, the author cannot get the conclusion that it might be useful for Omega to terminate the procedure in order to make more companies to hire their graduates.
Finally, the author’s assertion that the responsibility of making the graduates to be hired more than Alpha is terminate the evaluation procedure. But the author ignores other possible ways to by which Omega can increase its job hiring—for instance, by improving the relationship with the company.
In sum, the author‘s argument is not well supported. To convince me that I would need to analyze in several ways—like the number of students involves in the evaluation procedure; the other explanations for the higher grades; the emphasis on job training and curriculum setting.

[ 本帖最后由 xuxiajj 于 2007-12-25 13:34 编辑 ]

bigharmUID: 2354391

In this memo which mentioned that Omega graduates do(are) not as successful at getting jobs as the graduates from the nearby Alpha University. To support these assertions the author pointed out that in the past 15 years that Omega has operated a new project which evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their(为什么是their?只有一所学校) professors. This procedure explains the grade-average increase, which also created a perception among employers that Omega graduates are less qualified for jobs. And in order to make the chance for graduates from Omega University to find a better job, they should terminate the procedure. However, the argument relies on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions, which render it unconvincing as it stands.(感觉开头是模范北美的,但没必要说得过于啰嗦,引用作者观点只需部分就好了)

A threshold problem with the argument involves the number of the evaluation procedure. It did not provide any evidence about the number or percentage of Omega students who participate in the project. Perhaps lacking of these numbers of students the result will not as reliable as the author mentioned.(这里不用perhaps吧…)

Accordingly, the argument rests on the assumption(依靠假设?) that the higher grades given by the author is because of the procedure which evaluated the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. There are a host of reasons to be responsible for the increase of the higher grades in their classes—such as the students who(去掉) have concentrated more on their subjects, or higher quality of the admissions. Without the exact explanations for the increasing grade, is cannot make us convincing(??) that by terminating the procedure will the graduates to get a better job than the graduates in Alpha University do.

Yet(和上段没转折关系吧…), we are not informed that the reason for the situation that Omega graduates are less successful than Alpha graduates in getting a job that are only due to the devaluation of their grades. Perhaps the curriculum of Omega does not give students an effective background as the Alpha does. In a word, without a concerning the other reasons which might contribute to the lack of success getting a jobs, the author cannot get the conclusion that it might be useful for Omega to terminate the procedure in order to make more companies to hire their graduates.(这段说得太简单了)

Finally, the author’s assertion that the responsibility of making the graduates to be hired more than Alpha is terminate the evaluation procedure.(病句…) But the author ignores other possible ways to by which Omega can increase its job hiring—for instance, by improving the relationship with the company.

In sum, the author‘s argument is not well supported. To convince me that I would need to analyze in several ways—like the number of students involves in the evaluation procedure; the other explanations for the higher grades; the emphasis on job training and curriculum setting.

语言问题不少，建议先熟悉一些常用表达，不必刻意去套北美范文的段落和长句。
还有，注意一下格式。。。