Argument8[Aero小组]

houyanchunUID: 2432949

TOPIC: ARGUMENT8 - The following appeared in a memorandum issued by the strategic planning department at Omni Inc.

"Mesa Foods, a manufacturer of snack foods that currently markets its products within a relatively small region of the country, has strong growth potential. Mesa enjoyed a 20 percent increase in profits last year, and its best-selling product, Diabolique Salsa, has had increased sales over each of the past three years. Since Omni Inc. is interested in reaching 14-to-25 year olds, the age group that consumes the most snack food, we should buy Mesa Foods, and concentrate in particular on marketing Diabolique Salsa throughout the country."

In this argument, the author recommend that Omni Inc(O) should buy Mesa Food, and concentrate in particular on marketing Diabolique Salsa throughout the country. In order to support his recommendation, the author provides relative evidences. However, considering these evidences carefully, they lend little credence to author's opinion.
First of all, the evidence that Mesa Foods (M) has strong growth potential and M enjoyed a 20 percent increase in profits last year could not support author's recommendation. The author fails to provide the compared object so that it is possible for us to doubt whether the  increased number of sales of M is little than other snack manufacturers or not. What is more, 20 percent increased is not statistically reliable. If the amount of sales last several years is no sufficient big, for that matter, the evidence is without anything persuasion.
Secondly, it is entire possible that the group of 14-25 years old is not the primary people who consume the  most snack food of Diabolique Salsa or others snack. The author could not offer credible evidences to testify the point. And it enable for us to believe that increased of snack sales of M is resulting from group of older or children rather than 15-24 years old.
Even if the group of 14-25 years old is the basis consumers of snack foods, it is very possible the taste of them is not consistent with the Diabolique Salsa or other foods producing by M. For that matter, the author's recommendation is not stand.
Finally, the special condition of small region of the country is possible different from the other places of the nation. And the author does not provide evidences to demonstrate this point so that it deserves to doubt whether the M’s foods are popular in other regions like in a relatively small region of the country mentioned in argument.
In order to improve the argument, the author should provide relative evidences for us to validate the 14-25 years old is main groups of consuming snack foods, especially like to eat those foods producing by M. Furthermore, the evidence that validate the increased of sales about M indeed should be offered and the survey which could represent the prevail of M’s foods should be made.

liuyingbnuUID: 2321970

In this argument, the author recommend(s) that Omni Inc(O) should buy Mesa Food, and concentrate in particular on marketing Diabolique Salsa throughout the country. In order to support his recommendation, the author provides relative evidences(evidence). However, considering these evidences carefully(when we consider these evidence carefully), they lend little credence to author's opinion.
First of all, the evidence that Mesa Foods (M) has strong growth potential(我觉得这个应该是作者的看法，而不是evidence) and M enjoyed a 20 percent increase in profits last year could not support author's recommendation. The author fails to provide the compared object so that it is possible for us to doubt whether the increased number of sales of M is little(smaller) than other snack manufacturers or not. What is more, 20 percent increased is not statistically reliable. If the amount of sales last several years is no sufficient big, for that matter, the evidence is without anything persuasion.
Secondly, it is entire possible that the group of 14-25 years old is not the primary people who consume the  most snack food of Diabolique Salsa or others snack. The author could not offer credible evidences to testify the point. And it enable for us to believe that increased of snack sales of M( is resulting from(arise from) )(the)group of older or children rather than 15-24 years old.
Even if the group of 14-25 years old is the basis consumers of snack foods, it is very possible the taste of them is not consistent with the Diabolique Salsa or other foods producing(produced) by M. For that matter, the author's recommendation is not stand(convincing).
Finally, the special(delete special) condition of small region of the country is possible(possibly) different from the other places of the nation. And the author does not provide evidences to demonstrate this point so that it deserves to doubt whether the M’s foods are popular in other regions like in a relatively small region of the country mentioned in argument.
In order to improve the argument, the author should provide relative evidences for us to validate the 14-25 years old is main groups of consuming snack foods, especially like to eat those foods producing(produced) by M. Furthermore, the evidence that validate the increased of sales about M indeed should be offered and the survey which could represent the prevail(prevalence) of M’s foods should be made.
错误抓得很好，但是语言上的问题要注意。建议写完了以后，拿不准的词查一下字典。
加油！

可乐加冰84UID: 2221571

In this argument, the author recommend(s) that Omni Inc(O) should buy Mesa Food, and concentrate in particular on marketing Diabolique Salsa throughout the country. In order to support his recommendation, the author provides relative evidences(个人感觉可以简要地介绍一下论据作为攻击点). However, considering (about) these evidences carefully, they lend little credence to author's opinion.
First of all, the evidence that Mesa Foods (M) has strong growth potential and M enjoyed a 20 percent increase in profits last year could not support author's recommendation. The author fails to provide the compared object so that it is possible for us to doubt whether the  increased number of sales of M is little (less) than other snack manufacturers or not. What is more, 20 percent increased is not statistically reliable. If the amount of sales last several years is no sufficient big, for that matter, the evidence is without anything persuasion (convictive).
Secondly, it is entire (entirely) possible that the group of 14-25 years old is not the primary people who consume the  most snack food of Diabolique Salsa or others (other) snack (snacks). The author could not offer credible evidences to testify the (感觉用this针对性更强) point. And it enable for（可省略for?） us to believe that increased of snack sales of M is resulting from group of older or children rather than 15-24 years old.
Even if the group of 14-25 years old is the basis consumers of snack foods, it is very possible the taste of them is not consistent with the Diabolique Salsa or other foods producing (produced) by M. For that matter(if so可能好一点), the author's recommendation is not stand.
Finally, the special condition of small region of the country is possible different from the other places of the nation. And the author does not provide evidences to demonstrate this point（which point?最好指明） so that it deserves to doubt whether the M’s foods are popular in other regions like in a relatively small region of the country mentioned in （the）argument.
In order to improve the argument, the author should provide relative evidences for us to validate the 14-25 years old is main groups of consuming snack foods, especially like to eat those foods producing by M. Furthermore, the evidence that validate the increased of sales about M indeed should be offered and the survey which could represent the prevail of(省略of) M’s foods should be made.

总的来说，楼主的文章写的不错，结构清晰，论证的层次感很强，同时句式使用也比较多样。就是在一些小的用词方面要再注意一点就更好了！
楼主一起加油阿！:)

P.S.实在不好意思，这么晚才改，主要是下午实验室大停电，正准备发修改好的帖子时就没电了！实在不好意思了！望楼主谅解啊！:loveliness:

[ 本帖最后由 可乐加冰84 于 2008-1-14 21:26 编辑 ]