[AERO小组第五次作业]Argument8

saavedroUID: 2423190

题目：ARGUMENT8 - The following appeared in a memorandum issued by the strategic planning department at Omni Inc.
"Mesa Foods, a manufacturer of snack foods that currently markets its products within a relatively small region of the country, has strong growth potential. Mesa enjoyed a 20 percent increase in profits last year, and its best-selling product, Diabolique Salsa, has had increased sales over each of the past three years. Since Omni Inc. is interested in reaching 14-to-25 year olds, the age group that consumes the most snack food, we should buy Mesa Foods, and concentrate in particular on marketing Diabolique Salsa throughout the country."
字数：486          用时：00:43:49          日期：2008-1-11 17:39:49
  


  In this argument, the author cites the evidence that Mesa enjoyed 20 percent rate profits increasing last year within small region of the country, based on which he assumes that Omni Inc should buy Mesa Foods then will earn a significant profits. Another piece of evidence to present this argument is that Omni Inc is interested among 14-to-25 year olds consumers. In addition, the author takes it for granted that Diabolique Salsa as a best-selling product by Mesa Foods manufactured will increase sales in a run long, the author concludes that Omni Inc should choose to buy Mesa and promote this particular product to throughout the country. I find this argument is contain several seriously fallacies as it stands.

   Firstly, the author unfairly assumes that Omni Inc's interest that locating within 14-to-25 years olds would necessarily conclude that this age group of consumers will also favor to choose consume large amount of money to buy those types of products by Omni Inc produced. It is entirely possible that vast majority of people find another pattern of food that was similar to Diabolique Salsa on taste, but as a new pattern of food-product, it is too cheaper than former. Or perhaps, consumers of 14-to-25 years-olds were more likely taking their fancy concentrate on fashion change, then decide the best choice followed by current. In short, without considering and ruling out other possible reasons that those special group of consumers will constancy to wait and choose the Diabolique Salas, the author cannot conclude its perspective of sucess, let alone they will buy Omni Inc in which they have bought Mesa Foods and manufactured amount of those kinds of foods.
  
   Secondly, the author unfairly assumes that the tendency in this small region will applies specifically to the wholly nation. Lacking evidence that relatively small region can reflect this general tendency, it is quite possible that consumption of Diabolique Salsa has a significant disparity within other regions that in country. So the author based on information from this argument to assess that Omni Inc should promote this particular product throughout the country is wholly unpersuasive.

   Last but not least, The author's assertion also ignores the possibility that snack foods succeed based on last year market records will increase in the future, thereby resulting in an increase in snack foods regardless of past growth conditions and whether how much profits by corporation earned. Without taking into account these possibilities, the author cannot persuade me on the basis of them that Mesa foods will keep their increase trend on snack foods.

   To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the author maintains. To strengthen the argument, the author would have to provide more evidence concerning consumption of regions difference from country. To better reevaluate this argument, we would need more information regarding that at least half of year or one year's profits situation records in the future and analysis information about income's condition of Omni Inc since it incorporated Mesa Foods.

由于这些天一直再忙期末考试，所以这次作业写的有点草率，再加上已经有一周多没有看北美范文了，写作风格已经受到了 【操作系统，计算机网络，计算机原理，数据库原理，马克思政治经济学】这几个垃圾科目的严重影响，最近英语一直不再状态。另外估计本文中语法错误可能多了些，搞得我很郁闷郁闷！！！而且限时也没有什么长足的进步，还是超时了。。。哎~~~~~~~~~~

[ 本帖最后由 saavedro 于 2008-1-13 15:03 编辑 ]

m2zhyUID: 2440721

In this argument, the author cites the evidence that Mesa enjoyed 20 percent rate profits increasing last year within small region of the country, based on which he assumes that Omni Inc should buy Mesa Foods then will earn a significant profits. Another piece of evidence to present this argument is that Omni Inc is interested among 14-to-25 year olds consumers. In addition, the author takes it for granted(这里感觉语气不大对，我觉得原题中的best-selling这点就是个事实描述，没必要质疑。) that Diabolique Salsa as(由前面that引导定语从句判断，此处不应该是as，而是is啦) a best-selling product by Mesa Foods manufactured, (and) the author concludes that Omni Inc should choose buy Mesa and promote this particular product to throughout the country. I find this argument is contain several seriously fallacies as it stand.

   Firstly, the author unfairly assumes that Omni Inc's interest that locating within 14-to-25 years olds would necessarily conclude (这句话去掉主语同位语之后句子主干为Omni Inc's interest would necessarily conclude，那么，问题是，我不确定主语interest是否可以和谓语conclude作搭配.) (我想，楼主在这里要表达的意思是OI公司原本的消费群‘14-to-25 years olds’不一定会喜欢OI的食品，如果我来表达的话，我可能会这么说：“ Omni Inc whose interest is locating within 14-to-25 years olds likely takes it for granted ”, 当然，用这句话的前提是去掉最外层的句子 ‘ the author unfairly assumes that’. ) that this age group of consumers will also favor to choose consume large amount of money to buy those types of products by Omni Inc produced. It is entirely possible that vast majority of people find another pattern of food that was similar to Diabolique Salsa on taste, but as a new pattern of food-product, it is too cheaper than former. Or perhaps, consumers of 14-to-25 years-olds were more likely taking their fancy concentrate on fashion change, then decide the best choice followed by current. In short, without considering and ruling out other possible reasons that those special group of consumers will constancy to wait and choose the Diabolique Salas(如果此句是that引导的reasons的同位语的话，那么应该换成否定的will not), let alone they will buy Omni Inc in which they have  bought Mesa Foods and manufactured amount of those kinds of foods.(这整句话我没大看懂，好像缺失主语，而且分句里面主语也不一致了。我按照自己的想法给了一个建议的句子：In short, without considering and ruling out other possible reasons, it unwarranted that those special group of consumers will constancy to wait and choose the Diabolique Salas，let alone they would buy foods produced by Omni Inc which had  bought Mesa Foods and manufactured amount of those kinds of foods.)

     Secondly, the author unfairly assumes that the tendency in this small region will applies specifically to the wholly nation. Lacking evidence that relatively small region can reflect this general tendency, it is quite possible that consumption of Diabolique Salsa has a significant disparity within other regions that in(换成of the，感觉更好些) country. So the author based(整篇的文章最好时态一致，要么都用过去时，要么都用现在时) on information from this argument to assess that Omni Inc should promote this particular product throughout the country is wholly unpersuasive(这部分的主语在哪里呢？呵呵，是不是应该用个形式主语把前面的一个大句子代表一下呢？比如，可以这么说：So it is wholly unpersuasive that the author bases on information …).   

Last but not least, The author's assertion also ignores the possibility that snack foods succeed based on last year market records will increase in the future, thereby resulting in an increase in snack foods regardless of past growth conditions and whether how much profits by corporation earned.(这里看的我找不到北了，完全没看懂L ) Without taking into account these possibilities, the author cannot persuade me on the basis of them that Mesa foods will keep their increase trend on snack foods.

   To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the author maintains. To strengthen the argument, the author would have to provide more evidence concerning consumption of regions difference from country. To better reevaluate this argument, we would need more information regarding that at least half of year or one year's profits situation records in the furture(future，打错字啦~) and analysis information about income's condition of Omni Inc since it incorporated Mesa Foods.

总评：文章找了三处攻击点，前两处攻击的比较到位，第三处没看懂。
关于语言方面，我说说我的直观感觉，楼主的长句很多，但比较容易出现的一个问题是缺失主语，要不就是写的太长了，主语就不一致了。另外一个问题是时态问题，本文里面过去时和一般现在时同时存在，建议只保留一种。另外，在用词方面，我不敢肯定的作批改，因为好多词的用法我也不确定，在用词上可能是我太弱了。

好句摘抄：Or perhaps, consumers of 14-to-25 years-olds were more likely taking their fancy concentrate on fashion change, then decide the best choice followed by current.
我的理解：14-25岁的消费者可能更关注时尚变化，而随之抉择。
说明：我之所选这句，是因为觉得它表达的意思很好，很贴切实际。至于用词上，我不能肯定，因为我的用词… 哎~ 自己汗！





[ 本帖最后由 m2zhy 于 2008-1-12 21:55 编辑 ]

saavedroUID: 2423190

我攻击的第三段落是说去年的销售情况不能说明今后的销售情况。 这一段落使用了一句模板句，m2zhy 你没看懂，不会吧？？？
我的长句多？？不会吧 我已经在控制自己尽量写短句了？？？难道说还长？我怎么感觉要是真写那种短句这文章就太。。。。。？？？ 麻烦m2zhy 你写一个短句我看一下，这样我今后也模仿和控制一下 谢啦。
我的语言方面确实差一些，哎。。。这个只能靠我多看北美范文去体会了，我总是在模仿那个写，但是似乎总写不像！！！关于时态的问题，我记得北美范文里头说过，原文的时态保留剩下的可以写一般现代时，关于原来的时态我实在保留啊？用词方面我只是超微尝试一下新词而已，或许真的不可以吧 哈哈~~~