Argument117 0805G加速度小组第三次作业大帖

nun318UID: 2205752

:) 加油吧,各位!

雪梦无痕UID: 2447732

TOPIC: ARGUMENT117 - The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
WORDS: 594          TIME: 01:03:35          DATE: 2008/1/19 15:12:27

In this argument, the arguer concludes that the office-supply department will become the most profitable department of the stores if they increase the home office machines in all Valu-Mart stores. To support the conclusion, the arguer reasons that a recent survey shows that over 70 percent of the respondents report that they are required to take more work home than before. The argument suffers from some critical fallacies.

First of all, the arguer fails to provide more information related to the survey. We do not know the detail number of the respondents of the survey. It is likely that only ten people respond to the survey while one thousand people are asked to take part in and eight in the ten people think they are required to take more work home than before in violent and lovely contrast with the supposing fact that eight hundred people who do not respond the survey actually think they are required to take less work back home than they were in the past.

In addition, the arguer do not provide enough sufficient evidence to show that the need of home office machines such as printers and small copy machines and so on will increase as more people are required to take their work home than ever before.  From our common sense we know that as the technology develops, people are able to store what they have done with their work on the Internet or in a Mp3 player. There is no need to buy printers or copy machines home to have the fruits of their work printed or copied, we may send an Email to whom need it as well, no fax machines is needed at all. It is also likely that the work most people take home to deal with are the kind of work which need them to think more and write less such as making a detailed plan for tomorrow's meeting or a schedule for the coming holiday, no home office machines are involved in the process.

Moreover, the arguer assumes that all Valu-Mart stores should add home office machines which are absolutely unwarranted. No evidence presented in the statement clearly shows that people all around the country who have more work to be done at home have the inclination to buy home office machines or office supplies. Maybe in some places it is really the situation the arguer expects, however, we cannot conclude the fact that people in the United State would like to buy a ship since the people in California like to. It is possible that in some places the need of the home office machines actually decrease.

Last but not least, the arguer fails to produce more relevant factors about the selling situation of the Valu-Mart stores in the statement. Maybe the stores already have many home office machines and office supplies at present and they do not sell very well at the same time as expected in the statement, or maybe the need and the requirement of the machines in most of the stores have just reached some kind of balance. If the manager still insist increasing the amounts of the machines in the stores without consideration of its present condition, surely they will not benefit from the act.

In sum, the argument is not as persuasive as it stands, before we accept the conclusion, the arguer have to provide more information to convince us that the people who are required to take more work home really incline to buy more home office machines and office supplies all around the country.

雪梦无痕UID: 2447732

改米路
The argument is well-presented, but not throughly well-reasoned. Since（建议用according to） a recent survey, the argument recommends that the office-supply departments should increase stock of office machines and supplies. In addition, the arguer concludes that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of the stores with these changes.(按照argu的模板，这里应该加上 the argument suffers from several critical fallacies 之类的话，不能少！)

However, （用first of all是不是跟有条理？）the recent survey fails to lead（present、provide、produce） strong support to the assumption that there is an increasing sales on the office-supply of the Valu-Mart stores with the work-at-home trend. This trend is not necessarily due to（due to 意思好像反了，可以用lead to） an increasing market demand on office machines and supplies. Perhaps, using computer is enough for these people working at home to compete(accomplish) their work so that those machines are not necessary. Or they prefer to go to their companies to use these machines or supplies when they need them, which also can not lead (to)a more demand on office products. Furthermore, even if there is a market demand, the arguer could not assume that the custom(er)s must buy the products in Valu-Mart stores. The arguer fails to consider other alternatives, for example, other companies will compete with the Valu-Mart stores to make the later one lose most of the customs. The arguer fails to provide evidence to prove the Valu-Mart stores will win in this competition.

In addition, a gratuitous assumption upon which the conclusion relies is that a bad sales in office-supply department is due to the low market demand. However, no evidence shows that the low demand is the reason of a low sales. Maybe there is a  strong demand on office products all the time, but the company fails to attract customers to consume in the Valu-Mart stores because a weak propaganda or a poor quality or a negative service attitude toward consumer. If it is true, the sales should not increase any more no matter how the market demand is.(这个观点是自己推的吧，文章没说需求低导致了销售量少哦)

in the office-supply departments is good but that there are other factors which cause a negative impact on profits in the company.

Even if we concede those assumption, the arguer unfairly concludes that the office-supply departments will become very profitable. As we （all）know, the profitability is due to cost besides sales. Some of the office products may be high of cost(of high cost) and low of profitability, according to which stocking such kinds of office products could not bring about a huge profits. Furthermore, perhaps not all the office machines or supplies are salable, therefore, the arguer should provide more informaion about market demands to help make a true estimation fo（of） them.(这一段的分析很好)

In sum, the arguer fails to provide sufficient evidence to support his assumption and unfairly make an unpersuasive conclusion. To strength his conclusion, the arguer should provide more information to help the company make sure the position in office product market. Before making a final decision, the company should take into account all the alternatives and factors in order to be more profitable.

[ 本帖最后由 雪梦无痕 于 2008-1-19 23:06 编辑 ]

xiaoxiao022UID: 2293675

交作业
The memo recommends increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines as well as the supply of paper, pens and staplers, by citing a recent survey reporting that respondents are required to take more work home with them from workplace than that in the past. At the first glance, the argument sounds reasonable, however, after a close scrutiny, it suffers from some kinds of logical falsities.

First of all, the survey in the argument fails to provide enough information in detail, the conclusion from it stands unconvincing. The arguer only mentions over 70 percent of the respondents to the survey responds the survey, but what is the percentage the respondents covers is unknown. Perhaps only a small proportion of the surveyed responds, and then the result is less persuasive as it stands. Moreover, we know nothing about how the questions are asked in the questionnaires and who establishes them. Perhaps there are only yes-or -no questions from the department of human resources, such as whether they have done more work at home than before. In order to show they work harder, the employees are more likely to aggrandize the amount of work they have done at home. Furthermore, the memo suggests all its stores should responds to the change, whereas we have not been informed the survey covers all the cities we have stores. Perhaps some stores locate in the countryside or less developing towns, which the trend has no effect on at all, if so, such stores should keep selling goods as before rather than following the change.

Secondly, the arguer claims that they should increase the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines and so forth, as well as the stuff like paper, pen and staplers. But we have no idea about the total amount of home office machines which are stocked at the moment. If there have been enough stocked in the company, even beyond the market demand, the increasing project seems of no wise. Besides, many offices would provide relevant home office machines if they require their employees to work at home. On the condition of that, the home office machines are less in need in fact.

Last but not least, the memo mentions they have not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, but what really matters is unclear. Perhaps its branches did not report the sales on time, or perhaps calculating method is unreasonable. Even if they factually have lower sales, the mentioned method of increasing the home office machine might be not the right solution for Valu-Mart. It is entirely possible that when consumers choose goods from different companies, they pay more attention to the price, quality, style, or even service after selling instead. Perhaps the goods in Valu-Mart are out-of-style, or high in price, or low in quality, any disadvantage could shrink the sales volume. So, in order to hike the sales, such factors should be taken seriously as well.

In sum, the memo asserts they should follow the home-working trend to thrive its office-supply department while overlooking a couple of logical flaws. In order to reason the argument, the arguer must add additional information in details to the survey, and a report of the demand and stockage in the recent market. To make more profits, the arguer has better do another survey about the consumer preference in its target market.

xiaoxiao022UID: 2293675

占楼，改楼上

In this argument, the arguer concludes that the office-supply department will become the most profitable department of the stores if they increase the home office machines in all Valu-Mart stores. To support the conclusion, the arguer reasons that a recent survey shows that over 70 percent of the respondents report that they are required to take more work home than before. The argument suffers from some critical fallacies.

First of all, the arguer fails to provide more (建议用sufficient, 因为more不能够体现原来的信息不足) information related to the survey. We do not know the detail number of the respondents of the survey. It is likely that only ten people respond to the survey while one thousand people are asked to take part in and eight in the ten people think they are required to take more work home than before in violent and lovely contrast with the supposing fact that eight hundred people who do not respond the survey actually think they are required to take less work back home than they were in the past. (是说有7个人认为在家的工作量增大，而实际上认为工作量增大的可能是80%或者20%，是这样吧……)

In addition, the arguer do (我觉得应该是第三人称单数does，但word里没有红线，可能是我没见过吧) not provide enough sufficient（enough, sufficient放到一起好像有点重复） evidence to show that the need of home office machines such as printers and small copy machines and so on will increase as more people are required to take their work home than ever before.  From our common sense we know that as the technology develops, people are able to store what they have done with their work on the Internet or in a（an） Mp3 player. There is no need to buy printers or copy machines home to have the fruits of their work printed or copied, we may send an Email to whom need it as well, no fax machines is needed at all. It is also likely that the work most people take home to deal with are（is ?） the kind of work which need them to think more and write less such as making a detailed plan for tomorrow's meeting or a schedule for the coming holiday, no home office machines are involved in the process(好像有点绝对化，加个副词可能会好些。).

Moreover, the arguer assumes that all Valu-Mart stores should add home office machines which are absolutely unwarranted. No evidence presented in the statement clearly shows that people all around the country who have more work to be done at home have the inclination to buy home office machines or office supplies. Maybe in some places it is really the situation the arguer expects, however, we cannot conclude the fact that people in the United State would like to buy a ship since the people in California like to. It is (equally) possible that in some places the need of the home office machines actually decrease. (前面两句稍有罗索，试试用generalizing from some places to the whole country)

Last but not least, the arguer fails to produce more relevant factors about the selling situation of the Valu-Mart stores in the statement. Maybe the stores already have many home office machines and office supplies at present and they do not sell very well at the same time as expected in the statement, or maybe the need and the requirement（是说供求平衡吧，demand and supply） of the machines in most of the stores have just reached some kind of balance. If the manager still insist increasing the amounts of the machines in the stores without consideration of its present condition, surely they will not benefit from the act.

In sum, the argument is not as persuasive as it stands, before we accept the conclusion, the arguer have to provide more information to convince us that the people who are required to take more work home really incline to buy more home office machines and office supplies all around the country.

文章可以用出色来形容了，我从头到尾看了三遍都没发现逻辑上的错误，赞一个！你的优点是句子的表意特别清晰，想说什么就能很好的表达，繁而不乱，这一点我做不到，很是佩服！
但是，在文章中我发现了一些单复数的疑问，因为word没查出来，我也不能肯定，望待后细查。我觉得你的文章已经和范文相差不远了，加油！


[ 本帖最后由 xiaoxiao022 于 2008-1-19 20:41 编辑 ]

xiayanshadowUID: 2374500

In this analysis, the arguer claims that with increasing the stock of home office machines, his office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of his stores. To substantiate the conclusion, the arguer cites a recent study reporting that people tend to work more at home than in the past. And the office-supply departments in the past did not have impressive sales. This argument is flawed in several aspects.

The major problem with this argument is the unwarranted assumption that people are required to take more work home than in the past. The arguer only says that the survey is based on over 70 percent of the respondents. However, he fails to convince me that the total number of the survey is big enough that the survey is reliable. For example, if there are only 10 people involved in the survey, which means less than 10 people respond to the survey. As a result, respondents in the survey can not represent all the people at work. So the assumption that people are required to take more work home than in the past is not grounded, indicating that demand for home office machines may be not as considerable as the arguer assumes.

Another problem that undermines the argument is that sales in the past are not surely due to the reason that they do not increase home office machines. Consider, for example, if the quality of their machines is not so good as that from other companies, it is probable that Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments. If so, although they increase the stock of home office machines and office supplies, sales will probably not change dramatically.

Finally, the arguer fails to prove that with these changes, their office-supply departments will turn out to be the most profitable component of their stores. He neglects other factors which should have been considered seriously. For instance, if their competitors also increase the stock of home office machine and office supplies, their profit may not increase either, and may even come down because of the fierce competition.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To strengthen the argument, the arguer would have to provide more evidence concerning the total number of the respondents in the survey cited by the arguer. To better evaluate the argument, we would need more information about the actual reasons why the sales are not good in the past and the arguer should consider other factors which will affect the profit of this departments.

loogloogUID: 2447845

觉得写得好烂！感觉不好！

In this memo, the arguer concludes that increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines will help his office-supply department become the most profitable component of his stores. To support his or her conclusion, the arguer provides results of a study and the current condition of his department. In addition, he also lists the examples of the home office machines such as printers, small copy machine, paper shredders, and fax machines. When closed descrying the demonstration, some of logic flaws can be easily found.

To begin with, the arguer involves in some flaws, when considering the results of the survey. Although the survey reportes that over 70 percent of the respondents were be required to take more home with them recently, can these respondents present the whole countries? Or are they really working at home as the required? Maybe, they can find a new lifestyle to pleasure themselves instead of working at home--working at the coffee bar! Can these conditions last long time enough to obtain profitable? Perhaps, in the period of survey, the fashion of working at home is filled the world, which causes they required to take more work at home! In short, without presenting more information about the background of the survey, the survey, the basic of logic demonstration, is groundless.

Secondly, even if I concede that the survey are reliable, the arguer still commits a fallacy of "a gratuitous assumption", when listing the machines for the home worker. As we all known, the consumption behavior is difficult to guess without the data about it. However, the arguer point out the machines for home worker, which will sales in the stores, only based on the gratuitous assumption. It is entirely possible that all of the machines listed by the arguer are not the real demands for the home workers. In this condition, the sales of the stores will reduce instead of increasing.

Thirdly, the arguer does not think over the other aspects for the sale of home office machine before concluding that the department will be the profitable. If there are many other stores have already sold these types of machines or the prices of theirs are lower, the customer would not choose the machines in the arguer's stores. Or maybe the other department of the stores have found a new increasing method to sale their machines, and have achieved great success. When considering these two cases mentioned above, the conclusion-"the arguer's department will be the most profitable"-is high suspicious.

To sum up, without providing enough information about the survey and thinking over the consumption behavior, the conclusion would be illusion. Furthermore, before making the conclusion, the condition and position about the department should be considered and compared.

loogloogUID: 2447845

占座！

In this analysis, the arguer claims that with increasing the stock of home office machines, his office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of his stores. To substantiate the conclusion, the arguer cites a recent study reporting that people tend to (是required吧)work more at home than in the past. And the office-supply departments in the past did not have impressive sales. This argument is flawed in several aspects.

The major problem with this argument is the unwarranted assumption that people are required to take more work home than in the past.(不是无据假设吧，是调查问题 a groundless survey) The arguer only says that the survey is based on over 70 percent of the respondents. However, he fails to convince me that the total number of the survey is big enough that the survey is reliable. For example, if there are only 10 people involved in the survey, which means less than 10 people respond to the survey.(不对吧，题目说的是over 70 percent of…..are required to work more at home. 不是回复人占总的调查的比例) As a result, respondents in the survey can not（cannot） represent all the people at work. So the assumption（survey） that people are required to take more work home than in the past is not grounded, indicating that demand for home office machines may be not as considerable as the arguer assumes.

Another problem that undermines the argument is that sales in the past are not surely due to the reason that they do not increase home office machines. Consider(删掉), for example, if the quality of their machines is not so good as that（those） from other companies, it is probable that Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments. If so, although they increase the stock of home office machines and office supplies, sales will probably not change dramatically.

Finally, the arguer fails to prove that with these changes, their office-supply departments will turn out to be the most profitable component of their stores. He neglects other factors which should have been considered seriously. For instance, if their competitors also increase the stock of home office machine and office supplies, their profit may not increase either, and may even come down because of the fierce competition.（我觉得还应该直接写 the profit is the comparaed results of cost and sales, which is determinate by the price and the number of sales. If other companies sale the similar machines, the competition will be fierce, leading to lower price as the expecting. Thus, Calculating the cost and the sales, maybe the profits will reduce without other contemplations）

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To strengthen the argument, the arguer would have to provide more evidence(s) concerning the total number of the respondents in the survey cited by the arguer. To better evaluate the argument, we would need more information about the actual reasons why the sales are not good in the past and the arguer should consider other factors which will affect the profit of this departments.

[ 本帖最后由 loogloog 于 2008-1-19 20:18 编辑 ]

xiayanshadowUID: 2374500

The memo recommends increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines as well as the supply of paper, pens and staplers, by citing a recent survey reporting that respondents are required to take more work home with them from workplace than that（这里that指代什么？建议去掉） in the past. At the first glance, the argument sounds reasonable, however, after a close scrutiny, it suffers from some kinds of logical falsities.（一个句号前面有两个句子并且没有连词连接，把however改成大写前面逗号变句号）
First of all, the survey in the argument fails to provide enough information in detail, the conclusion from it stands unconvincing.（也是两个句子没有分开，一个句子里面不能有两个谓语动词，） The arguer only mentions over 70 percent of the respondents to（in） the survey responds（respond to） the survey, but what is the percentage the respondents covers is unknown(又是一个句子里面两个谓语动词，看看，有两个is并且不是用从句连接的噢，应该去掉第一个is). Perhaps only a small proportion of the surveyed responds（不太明白这句话的意思）, and then the result is less persuasive as it stands. Moreover, we know nothing about how the questions are asked in the questionnaires and who establishes them. Perhaps there are only yes-or -no questions from the department of human resources, such as whether they have done more work at home than before. In order to show they work harder, the employees are more likely to aggrandize the amount of work they have done at home. Furthermore, the memo suggests all its stores should responds to the change, whereas we have not been informed the survey covers all the cities we have stores. Perhaps some stores locate in the countryside or less developing towns, which the trend has no effect on（on what?把宾语写出来） at all, if so, such stores should keep selling goods as before rather than following the change. (if改成大写，前面的逗号变句号)

Secondly, the arguer claims that they should increase the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines and so forth, as well as the stuff like paper, pen and staplers. But we have no idea about the total amount of home office machines which are stocked at the moment. If there have been enough stocked in the company, even beyond the market demand, the increasing project seems of no wise. Besides, many offices would provide relevant home office machines if they require their employees to work at home. On the condition of that, the home office machines are less in need in fact.

Last but not least, the memo mentions they have not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, but what really matters is unclear. Perhaps its branches did not report the sales on time, or perhaps calculating method is unreasonable. Even if they factually have lower sales, the mentioned method of increasing the home office machine might be not the right solution for Valu-Mart. It is entirely possible that when consumers choose goods from different companies, they pay more attention to the price, quality, style, or even service after selling instead. Perhaps the goods in Valu-Mart are out-of-style, or high in price, or low in quality, any disadvantage could shrink the sales volume（还是注意要用连词把两个句子分开）. So, in order to hike the sales, such factors should be taken seriously as well.

In sum, the memo asserts they should follow the home-working trend to thrive its office-supply department while overlooking a couple of logical flaws. In order to reason the argument, the arguer must add additional information in details to the survey, and a report of the demand and stockage in the recent market. To make more profits, the arguer has better do another survey about the consumer preference in its target market.

注意一下一个句号前面只能有一个句子，如果一定要塞两个句子进去，那么就一定要加连词，或者用从句。

[ 本帖最后由 xiayanshadow 于 2008-1-19 20:12 编辑 ]

lilumiluUID: 2332310

word:483

The argument is well-presented, but not throughly well-reasoned. Since a recent survey, the argument recommends that the office-supply departments should increase stock of office machines and supplies. In addition, the arguer concludes that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of the stores with these changes.

However, the recent survey fails to lead strong support to the assumption that there is an increasing sales on the office-supply of the Valu-Mart stores with the work-at-home trend. This trend is not necessarily due to an increasing market demand on office machines and supplies. Perhaps, using computer is enough for these people working at home to compete their work so that those machines are not necessary. Or they prefer to go to their companies to use these machines or supplies when they need them, which also can not lead a more demand on office products. Furthermore, even if there is a market demand, the arguer could not assume that the customs must buy the products in Valu-Mart stores. The arguer fails to consider other alternatives, for example, other companies will compete with the Valu-Mart stores to make the later one lose most of the customs. The arguer fails to provide evidence to prove the Valu-Mart stores will win in this competition.

In addition, a gratuitous assumption upon which the conclusion relies is that a bad sales in office-supply department is due to the low market demand. However, no evidence shows that the low demand is the reason of a low sales. Maybe there is a  strong demand on office products all the time, but the company fails to attract customers to consume in the Valu-Mart stores because a weak propaganda or a poor quality or a negative service attitude toward consumer. If it is true, the sales should not increase any more no matter how the market demand is.

in the office-supply departments is good but that there are other factors which cause a negative impact on profits in the company.

Even if we concede those assumption, the arguer unfairly concludes that the office-supply departments will become very profitable. As we know, the profitability is due to cost besides sales. Some of the office products may be high of cost and low of profitability, according to which stocking such kinds of office products could not bring about a huge profits. Furthermore, perhaps not all the office machines or supplies are salable, therefore, the arguer should provide more informaion about market demands to help make a true estimation fo them.

In sum, the arguer fails to provide sufficient evidence to support his assumption and unfairly make an unpersuasive conclusion. To strength his conclusion, the arguer should provide more information to help the company make sure the position in office product market. Before making a final decision, the company should take into account all the alternatives and factors in order to be more profitable.

nun318UID: 2205752

The argument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. Since a recent survey, the argument recommends that the office-supply departments should increase stock of office machines and supplies. In addition, the arguer concludes that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of the stores with these changes.
应把however移到第一段，指出文章存在逻辑错误。然后 to begin with 开始第二段的论证However, the recent survey fails to lead strong support to the assumption that there is increasing sales on the office-supply of the Valu-Mart stores with the work-at-home trend. This trend is not necessarily due（contribute） to an increasing market demand on office machines and supplies. Perhaps, using computer is enough for these people working at home to compete their work so that those machines are not necessary. (这句意思不错可以改一改表达方式)Or they prefer to go to their companies to use these machines or supplies when they need them(it is necessary), which also can not lead a more demand on office products. Furthermore, even if there is a market demand, the arguer could not assume that the customs must(would) buy the products in Valu-Mart stores. The arguer fails to consider other alternatives, for example, other companies will compete with the Valu-Mart stores to make the later one lose most of the customs. The arguer fails to provide evidence to prove the Valu-Mart stores will win in this competition. 在市场竞争这部分可以加上别的公司也会增加办公用品的供给来和Valu-Mart竞争，从供求方面分析。In addition, a gratuitous assumption upon which the conclusion relies is that a bad（small） sales in office-supply department is due to the low market demand. However, no evidence shows that the low demand is the reason of a low sales（low sales）. Maybe there is a  strong demand on office products all the time, but the company fails to attract customers to consume in the Valu-Mart stores because a weak propaganda or a poor quality or a negative service attitude toward consumer. If it is true, the sales should not increase any more no matter how the market demand is.这段可以抓住Argument中sales 在过去一直没有增长这句话，强调sales 没增长另有他因不会因为这些变化就增长了。
In the office-supply departments is good but that there are other factors which cause a negative impact on profits in the company. （？）Even if we concede those assumptions, the arguer unfairly concludes that the office-supply departments will become very profitable. As we know, the profitability is due to cost besides sales. Some of the office products may be high of cost and low of profitability, according to which stocking such kinds of office products could not bring about a huge profits. Furthermore, perhaps not all the office machines or supplies are salable, therefore, the arguer should provide more information about market demands to help make a true(complete analysis of profit and cost更好些吧) estimation of them.总体感觉逻辑上比较严密，没有单从survey上做文章，想到了很多人没想到的方面In sum, the arguer fails to provide sufficient evidence to support his assumption and unfairly make an unpersuasive conclusion. To strength his conclusion, the arguer should provide more information to help the company make sure the position in office product market. Before making a final decision, the company should take into account all the alternatives and factors in order to be more profitable.

[ 本帖最后由 nun318 于 2008-1-20 11:11 编辑 ]

nun318UID: 2205752

117.The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."

最近一次调查超过70％的回应者报告说他们被要求回家完成的工作量比以前多。由于Valu-Mart在过去并没有发现办公用品部销量的显著上升，我们应该利用这种在家办公的趋势，在所有Valu-Mart商店增加家庭办公机器比如打印机、小型复印机、碎纸机和传真机的存货。我们也将增加办公用品比如纸笔和钉书机的存货。通过这些变革，我们办公用品部将会成为我们商店中盈利最多的部门。

In this memo, the business manager claims that all Valu-Mart stores’ office-supply departments should increase the stock of home office machines and the office supplies for making the most profits. This recommendation relies on the result of survey that 70 percent of the respondents are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. In addition, the Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past. At the first glance, the argument appears to be somewhat plausible, however, a close security reveals that it suffers from several critical flaws.

To begin with, the recommendation depends on a survey’s result, however, the manager fails to provide the information about the respondents such as the number of the respondents and their locations. Although 70% seems to be a large portion, the manager did not point out explicitly how many people were surveyed. Perhaps the number of survey respondents was less than ten-such a small sample that cannot represent the general population. In addition, since the survey did not infer that where the respondents come from, it is entirely possible that only people from a small range respond to it. Thus, it will distort the survey results, and the recommendation cannot be applied in all Valu-Mart stores. Without knowing how the survey was conducted, it is impossible to assess whether or not this is the case.

Even if I were to concede that the results of the survey is convincing and the demand would in fact increase. However, if the demand of home office supplies is as large as the manager claims, it seems that the sales of office-supply departments would already increase. Perhaps these people who need to take more work home already have has home office machine. Or perhaps the number of such people who work in the office is fairly small. In addition, it is entirely possible that the stock of the office supplies have been overweigh the demand. Since the argument lack a complete analysis of demand and the supply, the manager cannot claims that all Valu-Mart stores should increase the stock of home office machines and the office supplies.

Finally, home office supplies will not possibly earn a substantial profit. The author provides no information about the costs involved in increasing the stock of the home office machine and supplies. If so, then the costs might outweigh the potential income and prevent Valu-Mart from earning a profit. In short, without more information about supply, demand, and costs, without weighing revenue against expense the manager’s notion is premature at best.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility in that the evidence cited in the survey does not lend strong support to what the manager recommends. To strengthen this recommendation, the manager should provide more information about the survey. The manager also needs to consider about the risk and the market, then analyze the profit and cost.

lilumiluUID: 2332310

to loogloog
语法和拼写错误，我觉得都不是大问题，就不说了，ps：第二段第二句的report拼错
主要说一下结构上的问题：以下都是个人意见，不一定正确，姑且听之。
1，对于这题的survey，我觉得是不要批的，因为题中别的逻辑错误并不少，就算要批也不是不可以，至少不要放body第一段着重说
2，body第二段说的a gratuitous assumption，我觉得应该把它写出来
3，字数多少啊，感觉有点少，说得不够充分（这一点我也很没谱）
ps：如果有时候觉得错误难找，可以看看范文之类的嘛，反正我是都参考别人的提纲