ARGUMENT240 飞越dreams小组第一次作业

lyokaUID: 2451632

ARGUMENT240
Words:   417  Time: unlimited
In the argument the author says that Buckingham’s enrollment is growing and should double over the next fifty years, which will makes existing dormitories inadequate. The arguer also points out that the average rent fou an apartment in the town has increased in recent years. Then the author reaches the conclusion that a new dormitory should be built and this action will attract more students to enroll at Buckingham. However, there are some flaws which weaken the conclusion.

The first flaw I want to point out is that the conclusion rests on the assumption that students enrolling Buckingham will increase at current rate, which has little evidence. There is equally possibility that Buckingham is a better choice only in recent years. In the absence of information that the number of students who enroll Buckingham will increase at current speed, the conclusion that students will double in the next fifty years lacks credibility in itself, not to mention whether existing dormitory will be adequate. Even if what the author says is true, it is a long time before the existing dormitory becomes inadequate and whether we should build the new dormitory is open to doubt. To make the argument more convincing, the author should supply more information.

Another flaw that weakens the conclusion is that the fact that the average rent has increased does not necessarily result in that it becomes more difficult for students to afford off-campus housing. Maybe it is only the rent of senior apartment which is not of the students’ choice that has increased a lot. And there is another possibility that the increased rent is still affordable for most students. Without ruling out all these possibilities, it is too hasty to draw any conclusion.

A third flaw I want to refer to is that it is quite questionable to conclude that more students will be attracted to Buckingham only by building a new dormitory. To most students, what really matters should be the quality of teachers of the school and the environment of doing research rather than the condition of housing. So invest for top professors and better research conditions may be wiser choice.

All in all, we have every means to doubt the necessity of the author’s conclusion. Unless any further information is present, the suggestion is unconvincing and the author cannot persuade me into believe that investing in a new dormitory is a wise deed, for spending money in other fields such as inviting new professors may be of greater value.

[ 本帖最后由 lyoka 于 2008-1-29 09:19 编辑 ]

纳兰馨儿UID: 2437109

[ 本帖最后由 纳兰馨儿 于 2008-1-31 00:51 编辑 ]

纳兰馨儿UID: 2437109

发的时候格式老是有问题,明天再发,先下附件好了~~:)

[ 本帖最后由 纳兰馨儿 于 2008-1-31 00:55 编辑 ]

纳兰馨儿UID: 2437109

ARGUMENT240

"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a new dormitory. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, should double over the next fifty years, thus making existing dormitories inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has increased in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, an attractive new dormitory would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."

Words:   417  Time: unlimited
In the argument the author says that Buckingham’s enrollment is growing and should double over the next fifty years,（says 语气上不太适合议论文的要求，最好改成asserts,demonstrate,state~~） which will makes existing dormitories inadequate. The arguer also points out that the average rent fou an apartment in the town has increased in recent years. Then the author reaches the conclusion that a new dormitory should be built and this action will attract more students to enroll at Buckingham. (1结论最好放在第一句，后面再说作者给出的原因。２简洁一点：In this argument, the arguer concludes that…To substantiate the conclusion, the arguer… )However, there are some flaws which weaken the conclusion(weaken?最好还是说他“错”了吧).
The first flaw I want to point out is that the conclusion rests on the assumption that students enrolling Buckingham will increase at current rate, which has little evidence. （这句话没有谓语，常规说法好像是without further evidence ,the assumption that the enrollment will increase in the future is unconvincing. Although the current rate is ~~~）There is equally possibility that Buckingham is a better choice only in recent years.(college 和location没有必然联系吧: Buckingham college ).(However,)In the absence of information that the number of students who enroll Buckingham will increase at current speed(和ts重复太多，会减低说服力), the conclusion that students will double in the next fifty years lacks credibility in itself（去掉in）, not to mention whether existing dormitory will be adequate. Even if what the author says is true, it is a long time before the existing dormitory becomes inadequate and whether we should build the new dormitory is open to doubt. To make the argument more convincing, the author should supply more information.(套话太多，感觉有点空)

Another flaw that weakens the conclusion（换个词组吧，flaw 也换掉：） is that the fact that the average rent has increased does not necessarily result in that it becomes more difficult for students to afford off-campus housing.(语法有问题) Maybe it is only the rent of senior apartment which is not of the students’ choice that has increased a lot. And there is another possibility that the increased（increasing） rent is still affordable for most students. Without ruling out all these possibilities, it is too hasty to draw any conclusion.

A(The) third flaw I want to refer to is that it is quite questionable to conclude that more students will be attracted to Buckingham only by building a new dormitory. To (For)most students, what really matters (when they choose the university ) should be (is) the quality of teachers of the school and the environment of doing research rather than the condition of housing. (硬件条件也很重要，不能完全不在乎，所以用besides~~other factors~~比较好一点)So invest（具体化之前一定加一个ts :比如说investment on other aspects of the college may be more efficient ,such as） for top professors and better research conditions may be(a) wiser choice.

All in all, we have every means to doubt the necessity of the author’s conclusion. Unless any further information is present（presented）, the suggestion is unconvincing and the author cannot persuade me into believe(believing) that investing in a new dormitory is a wise deed(decision), for spending money(money spending ) in other fields such as inviting new professors(总结的时候就不要用具体的例子了) may be of greater value.


[ 本帖最后由 纳兰馨儿 于 2008-1-31 01:05 编辑 ]

纳兰馨儿UID: 2437109

总结一下：词语句型要标准一点，感觉太中文化了，毕竟是议论文，ets的官方说明中有这么一条“demonstrates facility with the conventions of standard written English”


～by馨儿，个人意见，有不对的不要打我哦：）