Argument9 thrive小组第二次作业 牛人帮猛拍啊

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1.没有信息说明30%的份数增长是评估教授效率的结果,可能是教授和学生沟通更多了，改进了教学方法。

2.没有信息说明是成绩缩水导致毕业生找不到好工作，没有任何证据说明顾主认为成绩缩水了，没有任何关于Alpha和Omega信息的对比，凭什么说Omega找工作没Alpha好呢。

3.其他因素：没有考虑是否有其他因素帮助提高Omega学生的就业率；

In this memorandum, the author concludes that for enabling its graduates to secure better job Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors. To substantiate this conclusion, the author points out that overall student grade averages at Omega University have risen by thirty percent since fifteen years ago when the university implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors, and that the Omega graduates cannot get jobs as successfully as the Alpha University graduates. In several respects, however, there is little evidence leads little credible support for the argument.

First of all, a threshold problem is that the procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness implemented fifteen years ago is responsible for the grade averages rise of overall students. However, there is no evidence that the former caused the later. In all likelihood many other causes would bring the same result. For example, perhaps by changing the conventional lecture approach into a new one the teacher can more easily impart knowledge to students; or perhaps more and more communication between teachers and students made more active that students participated in the courses. Without ruling out in details analyzing all other such factors, the author cannot fairly conclude that evaluation of professors caused the rise of overall student grade averages.

Similarly, even assuming that the professors caused the rise of overall student grade averages, it is impossible for the author claims that the Omega graduates have not been successfully getting jobs as the Alpha graduates because potential employers believe the grades at Omega are inflated. There is no statistical analogy between the Omega and the Alpha graduates. We don't know whether the graduates of two universities choose the same job and have nothing about the reputation of the two universities. If Alpha university has a better reputation that Omega university, the Alpha university graduates would be able to more easily acquire better jobs that Omega university ones. In addition, there is no proof offered to suggest that potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated. Fail to take into these possibilities and lack sufficient evidence, the author cannot expect us to take seriously the claim that because of the hypothetic inflation of grades Omega graduates have not been successfully get job as Alpha graduates have.

Finally, the author neglects other way to increase the employment rate of graduates. It is possible to set up such courses as psychology, sociology and computer technology for student so that they have more skills to expediently intercommunicate with the interviewer.

In sum, to persuade me that Omega University should now close student evaluation of professors must provide clear evidence that the evaluation caused the increase of over all student grade averages. In addition, the author need more concrete evidence, especially the information about the Omega graduates cannot acquire the same good job as the Alpha graduates attributed to the inflation of grades averages.

[ 本帖最后由 linkcc 于 2008-2-4 16:38 编辑 ]

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1.没有信息说明30%的份数增长是评估教授效率的结果,可能是教授和学生沟通更多了，改进了教学方法。

2.没有信息说明是成绩缩水导致毕业生找不到好工作，没有任何证据说明顾主认为成绩缩水了，没有任何关于Alpha和Omega信息的对比，凭什么说Omega找工作没Alpha好呢。

3.其他因素：没有考虑是否有其他因素帮助提高Omega学生的就业率；

In this memorandum, the author concludes that for enabling its graduates to secure better job Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors. To substantiate this conclusion, the author points out that overall student grade averages at Omega University have risen by thirty percent since fifteen years ago when the university implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors, and that the Omega graduates cannot get jobs as successfully as the Alpha University graduates. In several respects, however, there is little evidence that leads little credible support for the argument.这两个little用在一起，是不是语意有些不对呀？而且leads也要改一下吧？

First of all, a threshold problem is that the procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness implemented fifteen years ago is responsible for the grade averages rise of overall students. However, there is no evidence that the former caused the later. In all likelihood many other causes would bring the same result. 我觉得这两句话形式有些随意，不是很准确，可以适当改进一下吧？参考一下北美？For example, perhaps by changing the conventional lecture approach into a new one the teacher can more easily impart knowledge to students; or perhaps more and more 用more就好了，more and more 是adv.吧？communication between teachers and students made it more active that students participated in the courses. Without ruling out in details analyzing all other such factors, the author cannot fairly conclude that evaluation of professors caused the rise of overall student grade averages.

Similarly, even assuming that the professors caused the rise of overall student grade averages, it is impossible for the author claims(to claim) that the Omega graduates have not been successfully getting这里用got就好了吧？ jobs as the Alpha graduates have? because potential employers believe the grades at Omega are inflated. There is no statistical analogy between the Omega and the Alpha graduates. We don't know whether the graduates of the two universities choose the same job and have nothing about the reputation of the two universitiesand we even have no idea of the .... If Alpha university has(had) a better reputation than Omega university, the Alpha university graduates would be able to more easily acquire better jobs than those in Omega university ones去掉. In addition, there is no proof offered to suggest that potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated. Failing to take into these possibilities and lack sufficient evidence, the author cannot expect us to take seriously the claim that because of the hypothetic inflation of grades Omega graduates have not been successfully get（successfully got） job as Alpha graduates have.

Finally, the author neglects other ways to increase the employment rate of graduates. It is possible to set up such courses as psychology, sociology and computer technology for student so that they have more skills to expediently intercommunicate with the interviewer.

In sum, to persuade me that Omega University should now close student evaluation of professors must provide clear evidence that the evaluation caused the increase of over all student grade averages. In addition, the author need more concrete evidence, especially the information about the Omega graduates cannot acquire the same good job as the Alpha graduates attributed to the inflation of grades averages

关于逻辑上的一些建议：
30%这个点还可以批一下，就是说，原来的分数可能很低，比如原来OU是60分，增加了之后是78分，而AU本来就是85分，即使增加了30%，仍然没有AU高，这就不能说明是因为成绩上涨，才导致就业不好的，可能恰恰是因为他们的成绩太差。
还有，就是地区差异也许可以考虑进来，可能A那里的就业机会更多一些
正文的第三段,就是finally那一段，可以再丰富一些，或者考虑加上我上面提到的2点，可以把第三段作为他因加到第二段里
语言方面：
可以再丰富一些，还有就是准确一些
语法上要多注意一些，细心一些，平时就多注意一些

上面只是我个人的一些看法，还有什么不同意的或是不清楚的，我们可以在QQ中讨论^_^