ISSUE144 【Aero小组】第12次作业 by bigyan

bigyanUID: 2382427

The speaker asserts that the artist not the critics gives society something of lasting value. I find this assertion allegation. It wrongly suggests that the critic dose not contributes to the development of society as much as the artist does. To the contrary, either artist or critic is taking a key role in our history and dairy life. Thus, we should analyze the issue on a case-to-case basis.
First and foremost, few would repute that many kinds of culture preserved, such as novels, films and paintings, contain the invaluable wealth, which stands for the development of the human culture. And the culture is a sign of the way which human attempt to describe our unlimited imagination for the world around us. Artist who create such significant novels gives us chance to learn their opinion to the society, thus it is a good chance for us to gain untold information from the existing culture. One apt illustration of my first point involves the archeology, searching the important information from the relique. By analyzing the paper or wall where artist in acient wrote or painted, we can explore the unknown for the true answer to the question about how they lived lives, what their opinion about the society are, and so forth. In short, thanks to the artist, we are left with great constructions, wonderful paintings and creationary films which gives society something of lasting value.
However, no one assurances that all of the paintings, novels and films serve to the benefit of society, for the reason that any kind of the culture stems from the different understandings, some of which are ill-conceived and largely harm- so called the cancer of the society. Although no amount of the critic can completely solve the enduring problem, in the meantime they enable us to be away from the badness under their direction and through the correct critique. For supporting example, if a film pictured with a lot of violence and obscene words shows in the cinema without any control, the critics take responsibility of advising the parents that they should not allow the kids to see such films that is bad for growing up. On the other hand, if a novel is worthy to appreciate, then by the correct critique reader should prefer to buy one. This illustrates that a correct critique is of value for the communication of the culture.
Conversely, sometimes the incorrect and excess critique has so greatly harnessed our profuse imagination that we might miss plenty of prodigies. In fact, many of artists are not understood by most of people at that time when they created the art. For instance, the painter van gogh whose most of picture were getting popular after his death were under various of unjust critique all his life. Moreover, it is good chance that the expiration would be restricted because of the underestimate or excess critique.   
In sum, query we are able to find the value in the novels, painting and films, whether the critique are able to give the right directions. To be better for our benefit to the culture, we should realize artists’ huge contribution to the society. To justify the different culture, we should concentrate on the correction of the critique from the critics.

wenwenwen4444UID: 2377774

:loveliness: The speaker asserts that the artist not the critics gives society something of lasting value. I find this assertion allegation. It wrongly suggests that the critic dose not contributes to the development of society as much as the artist does(artist和crictic的供献一样大？否认“一样大”难道不对?我认为as the artist does就行了). To the contrary, either artist or critic is taking a key role in our history and dairy（daily) life. Thus, we should analyze the issue on a case-to-case basis.
——表明观点：都有重要作用。

First and foremost, few would repute that many kinds of culture preserved(题目是art，最好不要自己换概念吧）, such as novels, films and paintings, contain the invaluable wealth, which stands（与前面的contain单复数不一致） for the development of the human culture. And the culture（还是偷换概念的问题，culture决不＝art，后者更强调artistic work） is a sign of the way which human attempt to describe our unlimited imagination for the world around us. Artist（终于出现了）who create such significant novels（怎么突然具体化为novelist了？感觉很突兀） gives us chance to learn their（还是前后单复数问题） opinion to the society, thus it is a good chance for us to gain untold information from the existing culture. One apt illustration of my first point involves the archeology, searching the important information from the relique. By analyzing the paper or wall where artist in acient wrote or painted, we can explore the unknown for the true answer to the question about how they lived lives（？不明白）, what their opinion about the society are, and so forth. In short, thanks to the artist, we are left with great constructions, wonderful paintings and creationary films which gives society something of lasting value.
——本段ts是artist带给我们lasting values，但是论证不充分，尤其是考古的例子不恰当，因为那些遗迹不一定是artist留下的吧，根据你的描述应该仅仅是某些古人写的画的东西，论证时应该反复提醒自己讨论的是artist和critic；还有就是混淆culture和art。

However, no one assurances that all of the paintings, novels and films（这三个东西只是例子，为什么反复提？art又不只是这些。用art来概括就行了） serve to the benefit of （去掉）society, for the reason that any kind of the culture:eek: stems from the different understandings, some of which are ill-conceived and largely harm- so called the cancer of the society. Although no amount of the critic can completely solve the enduring problem, in the meantime they enable us to be away from the badness under their direction and through the correct critique. For supporting example, if a film pictured with a lot of violence and obscene words shows in the cinema without any control, the critics take responsibility of advising the parents that they should not allow the kids to see such films that is bad for growing up. On the other hand, if a novel is worthy to appreciate, then by the correct critique reader should prefer to buy one. This illustrates that a correct critique is of value for the communication of the culture.
——本段TS是说artistic work 有优劣之分，而critic正起到了筛子（filter）的作用，帮助人们“取其精华，去其糟粕”。觉得你的例子不够有说服力，因为电影上的暴力等不良因素是普通人都能看出来的。有没更好的例子？:loveliness:

至此我要提醒你，你没有点出“artist是lasting values之本，而仅仅有artist是不够的，还得有critic”，你只是分别陈述了artist带来了什么而critic起过滤作用，没有几句话把之间的关系说明白，内在结构不严谨，让别人猜关系是不对的;d: 。

Conversely, sometimes the incorrect and excess critique has so greatly harnessed our profuse imagination that we might miss plenty of prodigies. In fact, many of artists are not understood by most of people at that time when they created the art. For instance, the painter van gogh whose most of picture were getting popular after his death were under various of unjust critique all his life. Moreover, it is good chance that the expiration would be restricted because of the underestimate or excess critique.   
——你还没有充分说服别人artist和critic共同呈现lasting values就开始说critic不应该过度，应该restrict。
我的意思是，你是反对提干的statement的，那么你就要特别强调artist为什么不能缺少，而critic又在artist的基础上做了什么贡献（比如把难懂的art传达解释给大众，风向标总用等），文章只是罗列了些论据，而没有把他们串起来，这是我的感觉。

In sum, query we are able to find the value in the novels, painting and films:funk: , whether the critique are able to give the right directions. To be better for our benefit to the culture, we should realize artists’ huge contribution to the society. To justify the different culture, we should concentrate on the correction of the critique from the critics.

liruixinsnakeUID: 2373729

The speaker asserts that the artist not the critics gives society something of lasting value. I find this assertion allegation. It wrongly suggests that the critic dose not contributes to the development of society as much as the artist does. To the contrary, either artist or critic is taking a key role in our history and dairy life. Thus, we should analyze the issue on a case-to-case basis.

First and foremost, few would repute that many kinds of culture preserved, such as novels, films and paintings, contain the
invaluable wealth, which stands for the development of the human culture. And the culture is a sign of the way which human attempt to describe our unlimited imagination for the world around us. Artist who create such significant novels gives us chance to learn their opinion to the society, thus it is a good chance for us to gain untold information from the existing culture. One apt illustration of my first point involves the archeology, searching the important information from the relique. By analyzing the paper or wall where artist in acient wrote or painted, we can explore the unknown for the true answer to the question about how they lived lives, what their opinion about the society are, and so forth. In short, thanks to the artist, we are left with great
constructions, wonderful paintings and creationary films which gives society something of lasting value.
（艺术给了我们很多持续价值，如考古学）



（开头即指出并不是所有的艺术都能创造持续价值）
However, no one assurances that all of the paintings, novels and films serve to the benefit of society, for the reason that any kind of the culture stems from the different understandings, some of which are ill-conceived and largely harm- so called the cancer of the society. Although no amount of the critic can completely solve the enduring problem, in the meantime they enable us to be away from the badness under their direction and through the correct critique（真正的段落主题句）. For supporting example, if a film pictured with a lot of violence and obscene words shows in the cinema without any control, the critics take responsibility of advising the parents that they should not allow the kids to see such films that is bad for growing up. On the other hand, if a novel is worthy to appreciate, then by the correct critique reader should prefer to buy one. This illustrates that a correct critique is of value for the communication of the culture.
（主要阐述critic的作用）

Conversely, sometimes the incorrect and excess critique has so greatly harnessed our profuse imagination that we might miss plenty of prodigies. In fact, many of artists are not understood by most of people at that time when they created the art. For instance, the painter Van gogh whose most of picture were getting popular after his death were under various of unjust critique all his life. Moreover, it is good chance that the expiration would be restricted because of the underestimate or excess critique.    （指出critic一方面的不足，不争取的引导和过多的评论 的危害）


In sum, query we are able to find the value in the novels, painting and films, whether the critique are able to give the right directions. To be better for our benefit to the culture, we should realize artists’ huge contribution to the society. To justify the different culture, we should concentrate on the correction of the critique from the critics.

（平衡观点，artist和critic在价值的创造上面均体现重要性）


全文段落结构非常清晰（除第三段略有一点点那么找不着北的感觉，但主题句很快就又找到，影响不大）

语言很好，有很多不错的词汇，句式也没有大的问题

继续保持哈

saavedroUID: 2423190

   The speaker asserts that the artist not the critics gives society something of lasting value. I find this assertion allegation.(这是说什么呢？) It wrongly suggests that the critic dose not contributes to the development of society as much as（用得好） the artist does. To the contrary, either artist or critic is taking（没有见过这种用法，楼主还是用保险点的搭配吧: exert/produce/portray） a key role in our history and dairy life. Thus, we should analyze the issue on a case-to-case basis.
  First and foremost, few would repute that many kinds of culture preserved, such as novels, films and paintings, contain the invaluable wealth, which stands for the development of the human culture. And the culture is a sign of the way which human attempt to describe our unlimited imagination for the world around us. (本句写的极为漂亮！！！)Artist who create such significant novels gives us chance to learn their opinion to the society, thus it is a good chance for us to gain untold information from the existing culture. One apt illustration of my first point involves the archeology, searching the important information from the relique. By analyzing the paper or wall where artist in acient wrote or painted, we can explore the unknown for the true answer to the question about how they lived lives, what their opinion about the society are, and so forth. In short, thanks to the artist, we are left with great constructions, wonderful paintings and creationary films which gives society something of lasting value. （本段中描述艺术家给社会发展人类文化的贡献和进步，以及举例说明的非常到位，语言也颇为优美。但是有些细节地方还是要注意，我读起来不是很顺的样子。）
  However, no one assurances that all of the paintings, novels and films serve to the benefit of society, for the reason that any kind of the culture stems from the different understandings, some of which are ill-conceived and largely harm- so called the cancer of the society. Although no amount of the critic can completely solve the enduring problem, in the meantime they enable us to be away from the badness under their direction and through the correct critique.（本句写的非常票漂亮！！！） For supporting example, if a film pictured with a lot of violence and obscene words shows in the cinema without any control, the critics take responsibility of advising the parents that they should not allow the（their） kids to see such films that is bad for (children )growing up. On the other hand, if a novel is worthy to appreciate, then by the correct critique reader should prefer to buy one.(这段话中应该再改一改，尤其是prefer to 最好换个词组) This illustrates that a correct critique is of value for the communication of the culture. （最后这句话应该说明一下critic 而不是着重强调critique）
  
  Conversely, sometimes the incorrect and excess critique has so greatly harnessed our profuse imagination that we might miss plenty of prodigies.（本句写得好！！！） In fact, many of artists are not understood by most of people at that time when they created the art. For instance, the painter van gogh whose most of picture were getting popular after his death were under various of unjust critique all his life.（这句话最好改改，有歧义！） Moreover, it is good chance that the expiration would be restricted because of the underestimate or excess critique.   
  In sum, query we are able to find the value in the novels, painting and films, whether the critique are able to give the right directions. To be better for our benefit to the culture, we should realize artists’ huge contribution to the society. To justify the different culture, we should concentrate on the correction of the critique from the critics.

楼主这篇文章表现出了极强的写作和用词句式凌驾的能力，本人总这篇文章中也学到不少好的用词和词组搭配，另外楼主的句子各个都是长句，而且加工的也很不错。 但是必要的时候也要用一些短句来强调重点内容和重点部分，如果都是长句的话，很难突出重点，用短句来强调重点往往具有很醒目的效果。 楼主举例中提到了凡高，但是缺陷就在于最好能够举出他的具体艺术作品和时间，而不是草草的一笔带过，这样的话很难呈现给读者有力的论据説服，背一些VAN GOGH本人生平列传的部分或许好一些，而且还能凑字数，一举两得。