Issue50 [Jet小姐]第四次作业

月亮熬的汤UID: 2382325

In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach.
WORDS: 413              TIME:                 DATE: 2008-2-8

While admitting that the author, who maintains that all faculty should spend time in professions in relation with the courses they teach for the improvement of the quality of instruction, is with reason to some extend, I take exception with this assertion when it comes to some disciplines such as philosophy and art.

First of all, to work in professions relevant to the course these faculty teach will surely bring positive influence to the professions concerned. Working at college and university, these faculty have rich knowledge about the field that they are related to and very possibly they master the newest technology. As a result, these faculty can help their workmates in the professions to learn more knowledge which will largely assists their work. Meanwhile, with the help of the high-tech they master, they can discover the limitation and flaw of the current systems and facilities and make beneficial innovations which will largely facilitates the reformation of the professions.

In the second place, to spend time working outside the academic world, these faculty will have a better understanding of the fields they studied. Constantly, when people are facing an obstacle, only by focusing on and meditating about it everyday will not help. It is very like to happen that when they work in professions relevant they will find the solution to their obstacle by chance. Moreover, For those researchers who are not clear what subjects to study in or whose research subjects are not practical and beneficial to the relevant professions but they are not aware of, it is a significant chance for them to generate or revise their former idea.

However, some disciplines, whose characteristics are unique and spend time working in relevant professions are doing no good, should be taken into account. For example, there is hardly any profession that is relevant to philosophy, which is mainly abstract and metaphysical. And by working outside the academic world will hardly bring any benefit to the discipline. For philosophy is not specifically focusing on any concrete profession but is the ultimate concern for all human beings.

In sum, the assertion which suggests spending time in the professions relevant to the courses the faculty teach is beneficial to both the relevant professions and the faculty as well as the colleges and universities, but the assertion should not be applied to all disciplines without careful meditation. Only by applying it on a case-by-case basis can it be most beneficial to the society as a whole.

dreamstringUID: 2389201

While admitting that the author, who maintains that all faculty should spend time in professions in relation with(惭愧，我没有见过这种用法，不敢断言是否正确。我觉得我更愿意写成 related to) the courses they teach for the improvement of the quality of instruction, is with reason to some extend, I take exception with(to) this assertion when it comes to some disciplines such as philosophy and art.

First of all, to work in professions relevant to the course these faculty teach will surely bring positive influence to the professions concerned. Working at college and university, these faculty have rich knowledge about the field that they are related to and very possibly they master the newest technology. As a result, these faculty can help their workmates in the professions to learn more knowledge which will largely assists(assist) their work. Meanwhile, with the help of the high-tech they master, they can discover the limitation and flaw of the(删去) current systems and facilities and make beneficial innovations which will largely facilitates the reformation of the professions.

In the second place, to spend time working outside the academic world, these faculty will have a better understanding of the fields they studied. Constantly, when people are facing an obstacle, only by focusing on and meditating about it(我觉得这个by有些多余，这一句这样写可能更好：just focus on it and meditate it 仅作参考：）) everyday will not help. It is very like(likely) to happen that when they work in professions relevant they will find the solution to their obstacle by chance. Moreover, For(for,这样的小错要小心哦) those researchers who are not clear what subjects to study in or whose research subjects are not practical and beneficial to the relevant professions but they are not aware of, it is a significant chance for them to generate or revise their former idea.

However, some disciplines, whose characteristics are unique and(这里从新用一个句子比较好，不用and，或者至少应该在and前面加一个逗号) spend time working in relevant professions are doing no good, should be taken into account. For example, there is hardly any profession that is relevant to philosophy, which is mainly abstract and metaphysical. And by working outside the academic world will hardly bring any benefit to the discipline. For(这里是不是用逗号连接比较好？觉得这一句话是对前一句的一个解释，用逗号加for连接表示原因) philosophy is not specifically focusing on any concrete profession but is the ultimate concern for all human beings.

In sum, the assertion which suggests spending time in the professions relevant to the courses the faculty teach is beneficial to both the relevant professions and the faculty as well as the colleges and universities, but the assertion should not be applied to all disciplines without careful meditation. Only by applying it on a case-by-case basis can it be most beneficial to the society as a whole.
总结一下，思路是比较清晰的。但是我觉得你对于题目的重点的理解有些偏差。题目强调的是应该花时间在学术领域之外的地方，而不是主要在强调professions relevant to the courses they teach。正如最后一段我划出来的那处一样，你应该强调的也是学术领域之外的东西，而不只是和他们所教的东西相关的专业。这是我的理解，不知你是否赞同，咱们可以一起探讨。：）
另外，你很喜欢用很多的and把很多东西放在一个句子里。这样做有这样做的优点，但是为了能够恰当的把你要连接的东西用and连接起来，你应该仔细的考察这些东西的相关性，看看它们是否适合用and直接连接 ，还是应该添加一些成分之类的。其实我觉得大可把这些内容分开成几个句子来写。这样可以给人清晰的感觉，也不致显得句子过于冗长。这是我的一点建议，不当之处还请指出：）

michael_1984UID: 2327441

Issue50 [Jet小姐]第四次作业
In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach.
WORDS: 413              TIME:                 DATE: 2008-2-8

While admitting that the author, who maintains that all faculty should spend time in professions in relation with the courses they teach for the improvement of （好像应该用in, to ,on）the quality of instruction, is with reason to some extend, I take exception with this assertion when it comes to some disciplines such as philosophy and art.（作者指示说了在特定的学科不同意，给人一种观点不明确的感觉，个人看法）

First of all, to work in professions relevant to the course these faculty teach will surely bring positive influence to（on） the professions (此处感觉用professions 不好，容易和前半句的混淆，感觉此处作者是否想说的是“课程”？)concerned. Working at college and university, these faculty have rich knowledge about the field that they are related to and very possibly（这个地方用成从句感觉比较好，it is possible that） they master the newest technology. （感觉整个句比较别扭，）As a result, these faculty can help their workmates in the professions to learn more knowledge which will largely assists their work. Meanwhile, with the help of the high-tech they master, they can discover the limitation and flaw of the current systems and facilities and make beneficial innovations which will largely facilitates the reformation of the professions.(本段感觉作者讲的是大学教员对他那份兼职的好处，是否有点跑题？)

In the second place, to spend time working outside the academic world, these faculty will have a better understanding of the fields they studied. Constantly, when people(这里是代表教员吗？) are facing an obstacle, only by focusing on and meditating about it everyday will not help. It is very like（likely） to happen（感觉应该删掉to happen） that when they work in professions relevant they will find the solution to their obstacle by chance. Moreover, For those researchers who are not clear what subjects to study in or whose researching subjects are not practical and beneficial to the relevant professions but they are not aware of, it is a significant chance for them to generate or revise their former idea.（这句话我没看懂！不好意思） (感觉本段作者只是说了兼职对教员的好处，还未提及对教学质量的影响啊！感觉没入正题呀！)

However, some disciplines, whose（如果指的是人，那么句中没有找到它的先行词，如果指的是学科，那么后面spend 就用的不对吧） characteristics are unique and spend time working in relevant professions are doing no good, should be taken into account. For example, there is hardly any profession that is relevant to philosophy, which is mainly abstract and metaphysical. And by working outside the academic world will hardly bring any benefit to the discipline. For philosophy is not specifically focusing on any concrete profession but is the ultimate concern for all human beings.（只说哲学过于片面，似乎归到一类比较好一些。还有就是例子分析的不透彻，为什么抽象和精神的学科，在外面兼职就不会带来好处？似乎应该点出如何才能给这种学科带来好处，或者是说这种学科需要怎样研究）（仍然没有提及教学质量！！！）

In sum, the assertion which suggests spending time in the professions relevant to the courses the faculty teach is beneficial to both the relevant professions and the faculty as well as the colleges and universities, but the assertion should not be applied to all disciplines without careful meditation. Only by applying it on a case-by-case basis can it be most beneficial to the society as a whole.

本文最大的毛病个人认为是有些跑题，一点都没有提及教学质量啊？！！
感觉作者的句式上想要刻意的变化，但是有时给人一种看不懂得感觉（可能是自己对句式不敏感），用词上还需下功夫。
加油！加油！

有空来拍拍我的，谢谢！
issue50：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=799534&extra=page%3D1

hds123523000UID: 2454889

In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach.
WORDS: 413              TIME:                 DATE: 2008-2-8

While admitting that the author, who maintains that all faculty should spend time in professions in relation with the courses they teach for the improvement of the quality of instruction, is with reason to some extend, I take exception with this assertion when it comes to some disciplines such as philosophy and art.【我靠，这句话说的太出彩了，估计老师就这样被你征服啊】

First of all, to work in professions relevant to the course these faculty teach will surely bring positive influence to the professions concerned. Working at college and university, these faculty【s】 have rich knowledge about the field that they are related to and very possibly they master the newest technology【这里其实应该说老师们的理论水平高而不是实际应用水平高啊】. As a result, these faculty【s】 can help their workmates in the professions to learn more knowledge which will largely assists their work. Meanwhile, with the help of the high-tech they master, they can discover the limitation and flaw of the current systems and facilities and make beneficial innovations which will largely facilitates the reformation of the professions.【我觉得你这一段论证有错误，因为本文的重点是对于大学传授知识，而不是出去工作有什么好处，所以论证好像重点不恰当】

In the second place,【用这个“第二”感觉有点怪怪的，因为两个论证都不是同一个方向啊，moreover，更好一点啊】 to spend time working outside the academic world, these faculty【s】 will have a better understanding of the fields they studied. Constantly, when people are facing an obstacle, only by focusing on and meditating about it everyday will not help. It is very like to happen that when they work in professions relevant they will find the solution to their obstacle by chance. Moreover, for those researchers who are not clear 【about】 what【which？】 subjects to study in or whose research subjects are not practical and beneficial to the relevant professions but 【or还是but】they are not aware of【这后面应该跟个什么吧】, it is a significant chance for them to generate or revise their former idea.【这句话是什么意思呢？有什么用呢？】

However, some disciplines【是faculties吧】, whose characteristics are unique and spend【ing】 time working in relevant professions are doing no good, should be taken into account. For example, there is hardly any【删掉吧，前面的hardly就可以了】 profession that is relevant to philosophy, which is mainly abstract and metaphysical. And by working outside the academic world will hardly bring any benefit to the discipline. 【，逗号啊，后面好像都不是完整的句子啊】For philosophy is not specifically focusing on any concrete profession but is the ultimate concern for all human beings.

In sum, the assertion which suggests spending time in the professions relevant to the courses the faculty teach【es】 is beneficial to both the relevant professions and the faculty as well as the colleges and universities, but the assertion should not be applied to all disciplines without careful meditation. Only by applying it on a case-by-case basis can it be most beneficial to the society as a whole.

【总体来说，我觉得你的文笔不错，语言很地道，几乎没有什么修改的，但是遗憾的是偏题了，没有注意论证的重点，第二段就应该完全删去。。。。。。，还有就是字数不是太多，是不是你是45min写出来的亚？是不是很打击啊，其实你只要论证重点上去了，应该可以成为一篇好文章啊，一起加油啊】