argument53 [Jet小组]第五次作业

benjamin07UID: 2310909

TOPIC: ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
WORDS: 379          TIME: 上午 12:30:00          DATE: 2007-12-22

In this argument, the arguer concludes that melatonin can cause shyness for infants before birth and the shyness will continue into later life. To support this conclusion, the arguer quotes the results of a study undertook by researchers thirteen years ago. However, by a careful examination, this argument suffers from several critical flaws.

In the first place, the arguer fails to establish a causal relationship between the levels of  melatonin and mild distress. No evidence has been offered to substantiate this contention. Although the arguer points out that infants who are given some unfamiliar stimuli showed signs of mild distress, however, he or she can not provide any information that levels of melatonin can cause the mild distress. It is entirely possible that other factors can cause mild distress, for instance, physiological reaction to the stimuli imposed outside may also cause distress. If so, then the arguer can not confidently conclude that the melatonin causes the distress.

Another problem with this argument is that the relationship between mild distress and shyness is unfounded. Depending on the survey that the traced teenagers showed signs of distress, it is unconvincing to draw the conclusion that this kind of distress is shyness. The arguer fails to consider other factors could cause shyness. For example, the living conditions and self-experiences after life can be combined factors to cause the shyness for people.

Even granted that the melatonin can cause shyness, it is unconvincing to draw the conclusion that the shyness can continue into later life. The arguer offers no evidence to support this assumption. Again, several other factors can cause shyness for a person, which has been illustrated above.

To conclude up, it is unfair for the arguer to make the conclusion that shyness for a person is caused by the levels of melatonin before birth and this shyness can continue into later life. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer has to provide detailed information about the relationship between melatonin and the mild distress as well as the relationship between distress and shyness. Moreover, the arguer also have to do a particularly accurate research on that whether or not the shyness can continue into life. I would suspend my judgment on this argument until the arguer convinces me by providing the contents mentioned above.

cascadeUID: 2454141

TOPIC: ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
WORDS: 379          TIME: 上午 12:30:00          DATE: 2007-12-22

In this argument, the arguer concludes that melatonin can cause shyness for infants before birth and the shyness will continue into later life. To support this conclusion, the arguer quotes the results of a study undertook by researchers thirteen years ago. However, by a careful examination, this argument suffers from several critical flaws.(开头用了背景+结论+ 立场的模式)

In the first place, the arguer fails to establish a causal relationship between the levels of  melatonin and mild distress. No evidence has been offered to substantiate this contention. Although the arguer points out that infants who are given some unfamiliar stimuli showed signs of mild distress, however, he or she can not provide any information that levels of melatonin can cause the mild distress. It is entirely possible that other factors can cause mild distress, for instance, physiological reaction to the stimuli imposed outside may also cause distress. If so, then the arguer can not confidently conclude that the melatonin causes the distress.

Another problem with this argument is that the relationship between mild distress and shyness is unfounded. Depending on the survey that the traced teenagers showed signs of distress, it is unconvincing to draw the conclusion that this kind of distress is shyness. The arguer fails to consider other factors could cause shyness. For example, the living conditions and self-experiences after life can be combined factors to cause the shyness for people.

Even granted that the melatonin can cause shyness, it is unconvincing to draw the conclusion that the shyness can continue into later life. The arguer offers no evidence to support this assumption. Again, several other factors can cause shyness for a person, which has been illustrated above.(这段显得比较单薄,可以举个例子的)

To conclude up, it is unfair for the arguer to make the conclusion that shyness for a person is caused by the levels of melatonin before birth and this shyness can continue into later life. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer has to provide detailed information about the relationship between melatonin and the mild distress as well as the relationship between distress and shyness. Moreover, the arguer also have to do a particularly accurate research on that whether or not the shyness can continue into life. I would suspend my judgment on this argument until the arguer convinces me by providing the contents mentioned above.
感觉这篇写的有点单薄.我觉得楼主的问题可能是在于语言而不是逻辑, 楼主用的句型都是比较常规的, 长句也不多,没什么语病,整篇文章读起;来略显平庸, 建议多在语言上下功夫.