argument65 [jet小组]第六次作业

LITTERBOULDERUID: 2367811

Argument65  第2篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：29分17秒     464 words
从2008年1月16日16时26分到2008年1月16日16时29分
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The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.
'For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses.'
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In this memo, the president of a chain of cheese stores claims that the best way to improve profits is to discontinue stocking imported cheese and that they should concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. To support his recommendation, the arguer cites the survey based on last year's sales in some newest stores, and points out the preference to domestic cheese in accordance with international trend from a recent investigation by Cheeses of the World magazine. Close scrutiny of these evidence mentioned above, some logical flaws in some critical aspects prevent it to be convincing and persuasive.

A threshold problem with the arguer has to do with the credibility of the survey from the newest store. It is common that when a new store opens, some promotional measures would be taken to attract more consumers, such as discount in domestic cheeses. For that matter, it is quite possible to increase the sales of domestic cheeses, even to be the best-selling ones. Or perhaps, the consumer's taste the districts of new opened stores prefer to
cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin, for their hometowns are near  Wisconsin, even exactly in Wisconsin. If some, this evidence brings nothing to strengthen the arguer's recommendation, let alone make it forceful and convincing.

Secondly, the survey conducted by Cheeses of the World magazine fails to provide compelling evidence in the number of its objectives and the proportion of the subscribers in the total amounts who are surveyed. Perhaps, those who dislike domestic cheese would never have their responses known for a myriad of reason while those in favor of domestic ones are more willing to express their feelings. Without ruling out this possibility, I can see the any trend as the president claims. Even though we assume there really exist such a trend in the world, whether it can be applied in the arguer's country is still a question.

Finally, query whether stop stocking imported profits in all of their stores will improve profits also arouse some suspicious. The best-selling ones always to be good in quality and low in price, by which I mean the profit is always small. It is quite possible the profit of selling imported cheeses is greater than that of domestic ones regardless of its small amount of sales. If so, the president's plan will not improve the profit

In sum, the president fails to provide vital information which is closely related to the validity of the recommendation. To bolster, he/she should collect information of best-selling cheeses last year in all his chain stores and base the trend on a statistical report or official document. To better evaluate,  more detailed data on the profit of best-selling cheeses would be favorable as well as this year's changes or trend in business.

allendragoonUID: 2397245

In this memo, the president of a chain of cheese stores claims that the best way to improve profits is to discontinue stocking imported cheese and that they should concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. To support his recommendation, the arguer cites the survey based on last year's sales in some newest stores应改成store，看原题, and points out the preference to domestic cheese in accordance with international trend from a recent investigation by Cheeses of the World magazine. Close scrutiny of these evidence mentioned above, some logical flaws in some critical aspects prevent it to be convincing and persuasive.这句话破了，中间加个reveals，后面用定语从句可行

A threshold problem with the arguer has to do with the credibility of the survey from the newest store. It is common that when a new store opens, some promotional measures would be taken to attract more consumers, such as discount in domestic cheeses. For that matter, it is quite possible to increase the sales of domestic cheeses, even to be the best-selling ones. Or perhaps, the consumer's taste the districts of new opened stores prefer to cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin, for their hometowns are near  Wisconsin, even exactly in Wisconsin. If some, this evidence brings nothing to strengthen the arguer's recommendation, let alone make it forceful and convincing.最后一句空话不错，用来凑字数的好方法

Secondly, the survey conducted by Cheeses of the World magazine fails to provide compelling evidence in the number of its objectives and the proportion of the subscribers in the total amounts who are surveyed. Perhaps, those who dislike domestic cheese would never have their responses known for a myriad of reason while those in favor of domestic ones are more willing to express their feelings. Without ruling out this possibility, I can see the any trend as the president claims. Even though逻辑递进的不错 we assume that there really exists such a trend in the world, whether it can be applied in应用to the arguer's country is still a question.

Finally, query whether stop stocking imported profits in all of their stores will improve profits also arouse some suspicious. The best-selling ones always to be good in quality and low in price, by which I mean the profit is always small. It is quite possible the profit of selling imported cheeses is greater than that of domestic ones regardless of its small amount of sales. If so, the president's plan will not improve the profit

In sum, the president fails to provide vital information which is closely related to the validity of the recommendation. To bolster, he/she should collect information of best-selling cheeses last year in all his chain stores and base the trend on a statistical report or official document. To better evaluate,  more detailed data on the profit of best-selling cheeses would be favorable as well as this year's changes or trend in business.

总的来讲，用词不错，但是最后一个原因我不太认同，你从何定量化?这里起码不要用always(用绿字标的那个）另外想的不够深入吧。 大概是找了网上的提纲就练的。如果是小组作业的话建议深入思考一下。

这是我写的ARGUMENT65，希望对你有点启示，也希望你能拍下我的文章。

allendragoonUID: 2397245

忘了加链接了:funk:
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=801759&extra=page%3D1

macross_36UID: 2306285

In this memo, the president of a chain of cheese stores claims that the best way to improve profits is to discontinue stocking imported cheese and that they should concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. To support his recommendation, the arguer cites the survey based on last year's sales in some newest stores, and points out the preference to domestic cheese in accordance with international trend from a recent investigation by Cheeses of the World magazine. Close scrutiny of these evidence mentioned above, some logical flaws in some critical aspects prevent it to be convincing and persuasive.

A threshold problem with the arguer has to do with the credibility of the survey from the newest store. It is common that when a new store opens, some promotional measures would be taken to attract more consumers, such as discount in domestic cheeses. For that matter, it is quite possible to increase(这样用不对吧?) the sales of domestic cheeses, even to be the best-selling ones. Or perhaps, the consumer's taste(改成consumers in) the districts of new opened stores prefer to(去掉)cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin, for their hometowns are near  Wisconsin, even exactly in Wisconsin. If some, this evidence brings nothing to strengthen the arguer's recommendation, let alone make it forceful and convincing.

Secondly, the survey conducted by Cheeses of the World magazine fails to provide compelling evidence in the number of its objectives and the proportion of the subscribers in the total amounts who are surveyed. Perhaps, those who dislike domestic cheese would never have their responses known for a myriad of reason(-s) while those in favor of domestic ones are more willing to express their feelings. Without ruling out this possibility, I can (not) see the(这个多余了吧?) any trend as the president claims. Even though we assume there really exist such a trend in the world, whether it can be applied in the arguer's country is still a question.

Finally, query whether stop stocking imported profits in all of their stores will improve profits also arouse some suspicious. The best-selling ones always to be good in quality and low in price, by which I mean the profit is always small. It is quite possible the profit of selling imported cheeses is greater than that of domestic ones regardless of its small amount of sales. If so, the president's plan will not improve the profitIn sum, the president fails to provide vital information which is closely related to the validity of the recommendation. To bolster, he/she should collect information of (the) best-selling cheeses last year in all his chain stores and base the trend on a statistical report or official document. To better evaluate,  more detailed data on the profit of best-selling cheeses would be favorable as well as this year's changes or trend in business.

总结: 语言流畅,论证到位,基本上找不出什么大毛病,祝你取得好成绩!

[ 本帖最后由 macross_36 于 2008-2-19 14:02 编辑 ]