issue 51 [chasing for 6]

西瓜妹UID: 2452971

issue 51
date:2月28日
Whether education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student or not is extremely controversial. In my observation, the statement which seems to be quite reasonable and logical at first sight , yet, after a second thought in details, which has inconclusive and insufficient evidences to be supported to. Three reasons will account for my point to adressing the statement: the definition of effective education, the allocation of didactial resources, and the fact that not all the students ensure their interests and needs..

Firstly, whether the education is effective or not should not be gauged on that if it is specifically designed to adapt to the individual needs and interests of students, but on that if it can contribute to our society. In modern society, truly effectiv education can serve to most people to nurturing their knowlegde and responsibility, improving their skills, and instilling moral standard in them. To some extent, it will bring about many problems that result from students just learning what they want to attain. Imagining that if most of the students engage themselves in arts liking paintings, dance and music, how about some other areas like mathematic, physics, and chemistry. The society needs all respects of qualitified labours. However, some empirical evidences prove that education in allusion to individual character is a better way to arouse the students enthusiasm,for example, in the ancient China, Confucius said that education should teach students in accordance of their aptitude. On balance, education should not overlook the needs and interests of students or not go to the extremness.

secondly, in my opinion, we should take good use of the limited didactical resources. It is impossible that education is specifically designed to meet the individual characters of each students, because we do not have enough teachers and financial resources. Moreover, in the junior  and basic educational stage, some kind of standard of educational mode can product sufficient qualified persons who the society needs. On the contray, for the further education in college or university, education should focus on the individual needs and interests of stuednts and take more use of resoures than the former to nurturing the specialists in all fields. Thus, it is the effient and reasonable resource allocation that can make the education more effective.

Finally, in most case, students are not sure of their interests and needs. The speaker’s opinion will be counterproductive. Moreover, in the case that the students change their interests so frequently that education will not remain the continuity and consistency, education depending on students’ needs and interests still take no effect. Additionally, teachers can insruct and nurture the students interests, in order to making their more bright prospects.

In conclusion, we can not deny that education designed to satisfy the personal needs and interests of students may arouse the study's enthusiasm, or that ,in some fields and stage, the claim is acceptable. However, truly effective education should be measured by the contribution to the society and satisfing the demands of the people. In some way, the persons with broad knowledge are the major qualified labours who sever to the society.

xipanlinyuUID: 2300112

Whether education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student这里全是搬的题目里的表达，最好还是用自己的语句改写一下 or not is extremelyIssue里面比较禁忌极端词汇吧 controversial这句子头重脚轻，感觉老美很少写这么不平衡的句子吧. In my observation, the statement which seems to be quite reasonable and logical at first sight , yet, after a second thought in details, which不要这个which吧，感觉是残句呀 has inconclusive and insufficient evidences to be supported to. Three reasons will account for my point to adressing the statement: the definition of effective education, the allocation of didactial resources, and the fact that not all the students ensure their interests and needs..
Firstly, whether the education is effective or not should not be gauged on that不要这个that吧 if it is specifically designed to adapt to the individual needs and interests of students, but on that不要that if it can contribute to our society. In modern society, truly effectiv education can不是能，而是应该be expected\supposed to serve to most people tothrough nurturing their knowlegde and responsibility, improving their skills, and instilling moral standard into them. 为什么教育的目的是教人们知识就会导致学生只学自己想学的东西呢？这个因果关系没讲透吧，事实上我感觉这两者没有因果关系，所以bring about逻辑错误To some extent, it will bring about many problems that result from students just learning what they want to attain. Imagining that if most of the students engage themselves in arts liking paintings, dance and music, how about some other areas like mathematic, physics, and chemistry.学生的兴趣是各不相同的，怎么会都想学同样的东西呢？这个逻辑ms是突然蹦出来的呀，呵呵。如果你想说人们的兴趣趋同，你应该给出证据并且论证 The society needs all respects of qualitified labours. 这前后为什么是转折？前面说如果学生都按自己兴趣选择，他们就会都选择一样的东西，而这后一句的意思是要根据各人不同的需求来教育，不是有点矛盾么？However, some empirical evidences prove that education in allusion to individual character is a better way to arouse the students enthusiasm,前后应该断开为两句了吧for example, in the ancient China, Confucius said that education should teach students in accordance of their aptitude. On balance, education should not overlook the needs and interests of students or not go to the extremness前面没有讲教育不该极端吧，没有严格论证的就最好不要讲.
这段的TS是说教育是否有效是由对社会的贡献决定的，后面关于要注重学生兴趣的论述却脱离了这个TS，如果要扣住TS的话，我感觉后面应该这样论述，注重学生的兴趣才能发挥学生的专长，从而帮助他们在专长方面取得成功，maximize对社会的贡献，这样教育才达到了其目的;反之忽视了学生的兴趣和专长则会埋没了他们的天分，浪费了人才。如果要按后面的意思写的话，由于中间部分逻辑比较混乱，我不太清楚你要怎么论证，所以也不知道怎么提修改意见了
总体上来说，这段逻辑上有点混乱，给人突兀不连贯，不清晰的感觉
secondly, in my opinion, we should take good use of the limited didactical resources. It is impossible that education is specifically designed to meet the individual characters of each students, because we do not have enough teachers and financial resources. Moreover, in the junior  and basic educational stage, some kind of standard of educational mode can product sufficient qualified persons who the society needs. On the contray感觉前后不是相反的关系, for the further education in college or university, education should focus on the individual needs and interests of stuednts and take more use of resoures than the former to nurturing the specialists in all fields. Thus, it is the effient and reasonable resource allocation that can make the education more effective.
这段论述得不错，最好最后回扣一下题，说是否注重学生的兴趣和需求依所处的教育阶段不同，不可一概而论。
Finally, in most case, students are not sure of their interests and needs. The speaker’s opinion will be counterproductive. Moreover, in the case that the students change their interests so frequently that education will not remain the continuity and consistency, education depending on students’ needs and interests still take no effect. Additionally, teachers can insruct and nurture the students interests, in order to making their more bright prospectsAdditionally这句是什么意思？跟前面什么关系？.
为什么学生不肯定，为什么频繁改变，这里的论述不够有力，要进一步解释清楚
In conclusion, we can not deny that education designed to satisfy the personal needs and interests of students may arouse the study's enthusiasm, or that ,in some fields and stage, the claim is acceptable. However, truly effective education should be measured by the contribution to the society and satisfing the demands of the people. In some way, the persons with broad knowledge are the major qualified labours who sever to the society.
总体感觉论证力度不够强，第一个主体段落逻辑混乱，第二、三个发展不够
拼写错误比较多，建议先放WORD里面查一下吧，这样也可以纠正自己常犯的错误
用词方面可以看得出来你比较注意替换了，但有的感觉用得不太贴切，比如be gauged on
其实也有很多优点，我都提的反面意见，没太介意啊。我只是觉得如果只说好的方面互改就没什么意义了，你应该可以赞同的吧？