issue130 argument174 为我所用第二次作业

jenniferganUID: 2443583

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 662          TIME: 00:18:05          DATE: 2008-3-22 10:14:31

Children are the future of society, all the people are always paying attention on the raise of children. All kinds of books which tell us how to raise children blurt out with the rapid social and technological change. But is it enough just raise children under the instruction of these books? Of course not. In my point of view, the socialization of children is a progress which need to follow in order and advance step by step.

First of all, with the increasing life complexity and psychological displacement, birth rate is declined; many children are the only one child of the family. They get a better life environment: they are teaching more advanced knowledge than their parents were; they are easier to get messages convenient from internet than their parents were. Many parents are proud of their children because children's intelligence and high scores. But in fact, a lot of children fell alone without brothers or sisters. It makes them selfish, lacking cooperated ability, knowing little of the society and leadership.

In addition, socialization of children is important, but is it determines the destiny of society? First, socialization is only one of the factors influencing the extent to which an individual will ultimately contribute to a better society and it is even not the most important one. Values such as honesty, knowledge, persistence and kindness are core lessons inculcated by parents and teachers. Second, what is socialization? And is it important to the construction of society? In my opinion, socialization is people influencing by the value and trend of society and in the other side, the value and trend of society is also influenced by the behavior of people. For children, the most important responsibility is learn knowledge and grow up healthy, socialization sounds not good to children's growth to some extent. Because they cannot separate what is right and what is wrong, maybe they learn some bad things. For example, as the messages on the net is confusion, some news are not suitable for children to read, but if we adults make them socialize through the internet, I don't think children will get better and construct our society better. Because the children themselves are not healthy in mind, they even cannot grow to a common adult, how can they bring about a better society? The construction and destiny of society is relied on some other things more than the socialization of children.

In the other hand, advanced technology is more important for the destiny of society. If Bill Gates did not give up his good opportunity to study in the world's No.1 University Harvard, there will be no Microsoft and computer. The development of our technology will be stopped. If there is no Picasso and his impression, the art will not as prosperous as now. Though some talents like Bill Gates and Picasso indeed change the destiny of society, but we cannot contribute their succeed to socialization when they are children.
Moreover, the above statement says that we have not yet learned how to raise children who know how to create a better society. What is a better society? If we define a better society as one characterized by greater tolerance of viewpoints and people who are different from ourselves, greater respect for individual rights, and greater cooperation across cultural and national boundaries, then the young people of the most recent half century are creating a better society. We have seen increasing sensitivity in our society toward ensuring public health by policing the fid and drug industries and by protecting our natural environment. We can view these young people as being more sensitive to and respectful of the rights of women, various ethnic and racial groups, homosexuals and so on.

In all, we have learned how to construct a better society for our children though there are some existed problems, however, it does not influence the raise of children. And we have confidence that our offspring will construct a better society.


TOPIC: ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
WORDS: 502          TIME: 00:29:59          DATE: 2008-3-24 10:55:28

The argument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. Accoring to it, the author comes to the conclusion that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months because a survey among video-game players says they are more likely to play games which peovide lifelike graphics and Whirlwind has introduced several games and advertised. In my point of view, the author does not consider many alternatives, I will discuss them in turn.

First of all, is the result of the survey believeable? The author does not give us any data to support his or her result. In the first place, how many video-game players have been involved in the survey? As we know, a large group of people play video games. If the survey just asked several players, the result cannot stand for the suggestion of most players. In the second place, even the survey have asked more than half of the players, perhaps they choose the same kind of players who are more interested in the lifelike graphics. But the survey neglect the players who are interested in something else of the vide0-game.

In addition, even the survey is believeable, we still cannot get the conclusion. Though Whirlwind has introduced several such games, perhaps their main competitive companies or other game companies have introduced more video games, which are more lifelike graphics than theirs, or even the scenarios are more interesting than theirs. In this case, their video-games will not occupy the sales market more than other companies.

Even they have advertise the games among people 10 to 25 years old, the effect will not be effective absolute. First, the young people maybe don't care about the advertisemen at all; second, though the age-group most likely to play video games, the rest age group of people are still exist some players, they are also a large group customers. Maybe they lose the cunstomers without the advertisment for them.

Moreover, even the above conditions we worried are not exist, we still cannot get to the conclusion that the sales of Whirlwind are likely to increase in the next few months. There are many reasons to prove it. Perhaps the players are addicted in the games they are played now and pay no attention to the new games in the next few months. Perhaps the competition in the next few months are serious and the sales are poor. Perhaps the games are not satisfied by the player because some other causes.

In conclusion, the author does not supply any believeable data of the survey to show us the palyers are really more interested in the games that provide lifelike graphics. And, the author does not consider the competiion of the market and some other alternative conditions about the sales, he or she get the conclusion it too hurried. If the author want to persuade us , he or she should do more research on the survey and the video games sales market with considerring all the alternatives.

guoshishuoUID: 2467577

issue130 argument174 为我所用第二次作业

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 662          TIME: 00:18:05          DATE: 2008-3-22 10:14:31

Children are the future of society, all the people are always paying attention on the raise of(pay attention to the     growth of) children. All kinds of books (which) tell us how to raise children blurt out(这个词组在这里想表达什么意思？） with the rapid social and technological change. But is it enough just raise children under the instruction of these books? Of course not. In my point of view, the socialization of children is a progress which need to follow in order and advance step by step.但没有表达对于socialization of children的态度

First of all, with the increasing life complexity and psychological displacement, birth rate is declined; many children are the only one child of the family. They get a better life environment: they are teaching more advanced knowledge than their parents were; they are easier to get messages convenient from internet than their parents were. Many parents are proud of their children because children's intelligence and high scores. But in fact, a lot of children fell alone without brothers or sisters. It makes them selfish, lacking cooperated ability, knowing little of the society and leadership.

In addition, socialization of children is important, but is it determines the destiny of society? First, socialization is only one of the factors influencing the extent to which an individual will ultimately contribute to a better society and it is even not the most important one. Values such as honesty, knowledge, persistence and kindness are core lessons inculcated by parents and teachers. Second, what is socialization? And is it important to the construction of society? In my opinion, socialization is people influencing by the value and trend of society （这里语法有问题）and in the other side, the value and trend of society is also influenced by the behavior of people. For children, the most important responsibility is to learn knowledge and to grow up healthy(healthily), socialization sounds not good to children's growth to some extent. Because they cannot separate what is right and what is wrong, maybe they learn some bad things(something bad). For example, as the messages on the net is confusion, some news are not suitable for children to read, but if we adults make them socialized through the internet, I don't think children will get better (what?)and construct our society better. Because the children themselves are not healthy in mind, they even cannot grow to a common adult, how can they bring about a better society? The construction and destiny of society is relied on some other things more than the socialization of children.

In the other hand, advanced technology is more important for the destiny of society. If Bill Gates did not give up his good opportunity to study in the world's No.1 University Harvard, there will be no Microsoft and computer. The development of our technology will be stopped. If there is no Picasso and his impression, the art will not as prosperous as now. Though some talents like Bill Gates and Picasso indeed change the destiny of society, but we cannot contribute(attribute) their succeed to socialization when they are children.
Moreover, the above statement says that we have not yet learned how to raise children who know how to create a better society. What is a better society? If we define a better society as one characterized by greater tolerance of viewpoints and people who are different from ourselves, greater respect for individual rights, and greater cooperation across cultural and national boundaries, then the young people of the most recent half century are creating a better society. We have seen increasing sensitivity in our society toward ensuring public health by policing the fid and drug industries and by protecting our natural environment. We can view these young people as being more sensitive to and respectful of the rights of women, various ethnic and racial groups, homosexuals and so on.

In all, we have learned how to construct a better society for our children though there are some existed problems, however, it does not influence the raise of children. And we have confidence that our offspring will construct a better society.我觉得文章稍微有点乱，就是逻辑不是特别清楚，建议你多花时间再把它看一下


TOPIC: ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
WORDS: 502          TIME: 00:29:59          DATE: 2008-3-24 10:55:28

The argument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. Accoring to it, the author comes to the conclusion that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months because a survey among video-game players says they are more likely to play games which peovide（provide) lifelike graphics and Whirlwind has introduced several games and advertised them. In my point of view, the author does not consider many alternatives, I will discuss them in turn.

First of all, is the result of the survey believeable? The author does not give us any data to support his or her result. In the first place, how many video-game players have been involved in the survey? As we know, a large group of people play video games. If the survey just asked several players, the result cannot stand for the suggestion of most players. In the second place, even the survey have asked more than half of the players, perhaps they choose the same kind of players who are more interested in the lifelike graphics. But the survey neglect the players who are interested in something else of the vide0-game.

In addition, even the survey is believeable, we still cannot get the conclusion. Though Whirlwind has introduced several such games, perhaps their main competitive companies or other game companies have introduced more video games, which are more lifelike graphics than theirs, or even the scenarios are more interesting than theirs. In this case, their video-games will not occupy the sales market more than other companies.

Even they have advertise the games among people 10 to 25 years old, the effect will not be effective absolute. First, the young people maybe don't care about the advertisemen at all; second, though the age-group most likely to play video games, among the rest age group of people (are) still exist some players, they are also a large group of  customers. Maybe they will lose the customers without the advertisment for them.

Moreover, even the above conditions we worried about are(do) not exist, we still cannot get to the conclusion that the sales of Whirlwind are likely to increase in the next few months. There are many reasons to prove it. Perhaps the players are addicted in the games they are played now and pay no attention to the new games in the next few months. Perhaps the competition in the next few months are serious and the sales are(will be) poor. Perhaps the games are not satisfied by the player because of some other causes.

In conclusion, the author does not supply any believeable data of the survey to show us the palyers are really more interested in the games that provide lifelike graphics. And, the author does not consider the competiion of the market and some other alternative conditions about the sales, he or she get the conclusion it too hurried. If the author want to persuade us , he or she should do more research on the survey and the video games sales market with considerring all the alternatives.

ellisUID: 2256846

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 662          TIME: 00:18:05          DATE: 2008-3-22 10:14:31

Children are the future of society, all the people are always paying attention on the raise of children. All kinds of books which tell us how to raise children blurt out with the rapid social and technological change. But is it enough just raise children under(follow) the instruction of these books? Of course not. In my point of view, the socialization of children is a progress which need(needs) to follow in order and advance step by step.

First of all, with the increasing life complexity and psychological displacement, birth rate is declined; many children are the only one child of the family. They get a better life environment: they are teaching more advanced knowledge than their parents were; they are easier to get messages convenient(conveniently) from internet than their parents were. Many parents are proud of their children because children's intelligence and high scores. But in fact, a lot of children fell alone without brothers or sisters. It makes them selfish, lacking cooperated ability, knowing little of the society and leadership.
在结尾要能说一下“小孩的社会化程度不好”就更好了
In addition, socialization of children is important, but is it determines the destiny of society? First, socialization is only one of the factors influencing the extent to which an individual will ultimately contribute to a better society and it is even not the most important one. Values such as honesty, knowledge, persistence and kindness are core lessons inculcated by parents and teachers. Second, what is socialization? And is it important to the construction of society? In my opinion, socialization is people influencing by the value and trend of society and in the other side, the value and trend of society is also influenced by the behavior of people. For children, the most important responsibility is learn knowledge and grow up healthy, socialization sounds not good to children's growth to some extent. Because they cannot separate what is right and what is wrong, maybe they learn some bad things. For example, as the messages on the net is(internet are) confusion, some news are not suitable for children to read, but if we adults make them socialize through the internet, I don't think children will get better and construct our society better. Because the children themselves are not healthy in mind, they even cannot grow to a common adult, how can they bring about a better society? The construction and destiny of society is relied on some other things more than the socialization of children.

In the other hand, advanced technology is more important for the destiny of society. If Bill Gates did not give up his good opportunity to study in the world's No.1 University Harvard, there will be no Microsoft and computer. The development of our technology will be stopped. If there is no Picasso and his impression, the art will not as prosperous as now. Though some talents like Bill Gates and Picasso indeed change the destiny of society, but we cannot contribute their succeed(success) to socialization when they are children.
Moreover, the above statement says that we have not yet learned how to raise children who know how to create a better society. What is a better society? If we define a better society as one characterized by greater tolerance of viewpoints and people who are different from ourselves, greater respect for individual rights, and greater cooperation across cultural and national boundaries, then the young people of the most recent half century are creating a better society. We have seen increasing sensitivity in our society toward ensuring public health by policing the fid and drug industries and by protecting our natural environment. We can view these young people as being more sensitive to and respectful of the rights of women, various ethnic and racial groups, homosexuals and so on.

In all, we have learned how to construct a better society for our children though there are some existed problems, however, it does not influence the raise of children. And we have confidence that our offspring will construct a better society.
思路比较清晰，语法也没什么错，但是感觉有点乱,论述的顺序可以再调整一下


TOPIC: ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
WORDS: 502          TIME: 00:29:59          DATE: 2008-3-24 10:55:28

The argument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. Accoring(According) to it, the author comes to the conclusion that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months because a survey among video-game players says they are more likely to play games which peovide(provide) lifelike graphics and Whirlwind has introduced several games and advertised. In my point of view, the author does not consider many alternatives, I will discuss them in turn.

First of all, is the result of the survey believeable(believable)? The author does not give us any data to support his or her result. In the first place, how many video-game players have been involved in the survey? As we know, a large group of people play video games. If the survey just asked several players, the result cannot stand for the suggestion of most players. In the second place, even the survey have asked more than half of the players, perhaps they choose the same kind of players who are more interested in the lifelike graphics. But the survey neglect(neglects) the players who are interested in something else of the vide0-game.

In addition, even the survey is believeable(believable), we still cannot get the conclusion. Though Whirlwind has introduced several such games, perhaps their main competitive companies or other game companies have introduced more video games, which are more lifelike graphics than theirs, or even the scenarios are more interesting than theirs. In this case, their video-games will not occupy the sales market more than other companies.

Even they have advertise(advertised) the games among people 10 to 25 years old, the effect will not be effective absolute(absolutely). First, the young people maybe don't care about the advertisement at all; second, though the age-group most likely to play video games, the rest age group of people are still exist some players, they are also a large group customers. Maybe they lose the cunstomers without the advertisment for them.

Moreover, even the above conditions we worried are not exist, we still cannot get to the conclusion that the sales of Whirlwind are likely to increase in the next few months. There are many reasons to prove it. Perhaps the players are addicted in the games they are played now and pay no attention to the new games in the next few months. Perhaps the competition in the next few months are serious and the sales are poor. Perhaps the games are not satisfied by the player because some other causes.

In conclusion, the author does not supply any believeable data of the survey to show us the palyers are really more interested in the games that provide lifelike graphics. And, the author does not consider the competiion of the market and some other alternative conditions about the sales, he or she get the conclusion it too hurried. If the author want to persuade us , he or she should do more research on the survey and the video games sales market with considerring all the alternatives.



[ 本帖最后由 ellis 于 2008-3-26 16:47 编辑 ]