求救....帮改阅读

nczhangjinUID: 2475700

顶着不怕死的原则,抱着求学报国的目标....继续贴篇作文,希望大家多喷,我英语基础太太太太差,出国口语长进一大截,语法....惨不忍睹

希望能得到大家的帮助,我在国外很孤独的,没朋友(学校全韩国人和哥伦比亚人)...就只有靠大家,我会分享出国经验的....加我QQ,跟我练口语,分享出国经验,还有帮我改作文.......
65136120
  正文
题目是  does television play a positive or negtive role in the modern world
      nowaday,television has become popular.the percentage of family which have television is more than 94%.television has been a part of family . as a result ,television is important for our lives.but ,recently,a argument of television what paly a positive or negtive role in family is getting commonly.people belive that we spend much time for television and some of programmes are not advantaged for children growing,television is just waste of people times.but other people take an opposite side ,as for me
      First and foremost,as a sociely develops,people are more likely  to suffer from stress,after work,the most convient means to relax is watching television with family.normally,people don't have much time to go out and they won't go out after hard work of all day.
       last but not least,television has abundant of programmes.children can learn konwledge and open thier mine from it.
       a natural conclusion from the above discussion is that television is positive for our lives.

nczhangjinUID: 2475700

我知道字数是不够的,实际上我还能再写,基本能写够,但是时间就不够了.

swingopenUID: 2473270

television has been a part of family . as a result ,television is important for our lives,不是必然结果啊,最终要的是你的文章论据不充分.

nczhangjinUID: 2475700

我把语法修改了下,大家凭个分,能拿4分吗....(我很希望谁给我个惊喜....万一..谁给个4.5.........).
原文不看了,看下修改了的,估计一个月多后,也就这个样子了..最多字数多点........还有,谁有比较好的模板阿,..加给QQ发给我,我可以给你很多出国后的经验的.....
题目是  does television play a positive or negtive role in the modern world
      nowadays,television has become popular.the percentage of families who have television is more than
94%.television has become a part of the family . as a result ,television is an important part of our lives.but
,recently,the argument that television palys a positive or negtive role in the family is getting common.people
believe that we spend too much time watching television and some of the programmes are not advantage for growing
children,some people say television is just a waste of times.but other people have an opposite opinion ,as do i
      First and foremost,as sociely develops,people are more likely  to suffer from stress,after work,the most
convenient means to relax is watching television with family.normally,people don't have much time to go out and
they won't go out after a hard day at work.
       last but not least,television has abundance of programmes.children can learn and open their mind .
       a natural conclusion from the above discussion is that television is positive for our lives.

safinazhuangUID: 2432942

给楼主一个意见，句子的标点符号要注意，还有首字母要大写！