第一篇求拍

tieguaixiao1UID: 2413763

I write the article due to the fist writing task1 of IELTS6.


  The figures below show water used in three sectors of the whole world and data of water consumption in Brazil and Congo.
  We can get the information that water consumption in agriculture was the majority of water we used from 1900 to 2000 in the fist chart. The water used in agriculture grew steadily from 1900 to 1950, then it soared to more then 3000km3 during the next fifty years. Before 1950,there was minimal water used in industry and domestic. However, with the development of modern world, the water consumption was increasing quickly for industry purpose, and was nearly 1,000km3 in 2000. Water used by domestic also grew but more slowly from 1950 to 2000, due to the growth of our human population.
   Brazil with the population of 176 million was much bigger than Congo whose population was about 5.2 million. There was 26,5 00km2 land needed to be irrigated in Brazil,  while there was only 100km2 in Congo. But the most difference was about the water consumption of person, which was 359km3 in Brazil and almost 45 times of those in Congo. Maybe everyone in Brazil save a little water to take bath, then the people in Congo can have more water to drink.

safinazhuangUID: 2432942

Brazil with the population of 176 million was much bigger than Congo whose population was about 5.2 million.这句可能要稍微改一下，还有，我觉得你可以多一段结尾稍微总结下
写得比我自己练的那篇好啊~~~
加油！

mf1984`UID: 2174556

好，挺好

H-KevinUID: 2182070

作文互改活动:--TEAM WORK ,团队精神
希望作文修改的板油，最好不要等待别人主动给你修改，
建议你先修改论坛上别人的作文，然后把自己的作文链接留下给对方互改
如果你不愿意修改别人的作文，别人可能也有同样的想法
一份耕耘一份收获，强调互改，互相学习
寸有所长，尺有所短。不要顾忌自己水平低

67169619UID: 2320695

你这段可以开一贴:o