April小组argument105

deerprinceUID: 2394244

Argument105
1)      前提不成立,得感冒能够加强免疫系统是没有根据的。
2)      论据不成立。社交多的人要比社交少的人不易感冒是因为社交能够增强免疫力的说法没有根据。
3)      结论很武断。为了不得感冒而多社交，但情况往往相反。

In this newsletter, the arguer give us a conclusion that people who want to strengthen their immune system in order to prevent catching a cold would become more active socially. To justify the conclusion, the author cites the result of a study about the catching cold and social ties. But in my view, the argument is unconvincing for several critical flaws.

The major problem with this argument is the saying that catching cold would strengthen the immune system is inconvincible. There are no more information and study to strengthen this issue. Although the temporary immunity would prevent catching the same one virus, they could not prevent other virus. Otherwise, the real life experience about how to strengthen the immune system are all about doing more athlete activities, eating more vegetables and sleeping well. But we never heard catching cold is the advisable and dependent way to strengthen the immune system.

Another flaw that weakens this argument is the reason about the people with many social ties would catch less cold than who with few social ties is not warranted. From the survey quoted in the argument, however, we could find no sign of the relationship between the catching cold and social ties. In the survey of the study, the people with many social ties would have good attitude for their life, and they would take more care of their health, but the condition of the people with few social ties would not as good as the previous people. So the main reason of the frequency of catching cold is not the social ties but the healthy life.

In addition, the suggestion is lacking further considering, which is given by the arguer about in order to prevent catching cold people should become more social activities. Even if the study is convincible, the arguer fails to consider a possible that not all kinds of people are suitable to take more social activities. Like the people whose immune system is not strong enough, the result of becoming more social activities is that these people would be easier to catch cold.

In conclusion, the arguer fails to cite adequate and scientific evidence to justify the study about the catching cold and social activities ties. Also he missed many other possible factors that would make people catching cold. If the author wants the argument to be more convincible, he would give us more information and study facts to justify his conclusion.

[ 本帖最后由 deerprince 于 2008-4-3 08:35 编辑 ]

yzl_1988UID: 2372248

Argument105
1)前提不成立,得感冒能够加强免疫系统是没有根据的。(文章里头没有说这句话，应该从作者的假设：social tie->expose to virus->catch cold->strong system->prevent 一步一步分析。)
2)论据不成立。社交多的人要比社交少的人不易感冒是因为社交能够增强免疫力的说法没有根据。
3)结论很武断。为了不得感冒而多社交，但情况往往相反。

105.The following appeared in a health newsletter.

"According to a recent study, people with many social ties report catching colds less often than do people with few social ties. Consequently, researchers conclude that having an active social life probably helps strengthen the immune system. The researchers note that catching a cold—one of a family of highly contagious viruses—gives the cold-sufferer temporary immunity to that virus in the future, but not to the many other related viruses. Merely being exposed to a new cold virus, however, is not enough for a person to catch a cold, since a strong immune system can successfully fight off some new viruses. Thus, in order to prevent catching a cold, people should strengthen their immune systems by becoming more active socially.

In this newsletter, the arguer give us a conclusion that people who want to strengthen their immune system in order to prevent catching a cold would (should) become more active socially. To justify the conclusion, the author cites the result of a study about the catching cold and social ties. But in my view, the argument is unconvincing for several critical flaws.

The major problem with this argument is the saying that catching cold would strengthen the immune system is inconvincible. There are no more information and study to strengthen this issue. Although the temporary immunity would prevent catching the same one virus, they could not prevent other virus. Otherwise, the real life experience about how to strengthen the immune system are all about doing more athlete activities, eating more vegetables and sleeping well. But we never heard catching cold is the advisable and dependent way to strengthen the immune system.
觉得这一段写的比较混乱。个人认为可以这样写：The arguer notice that one can only have temporary immunity to the same virus they suffer, and that a strong immune system is capable of successfully fight off some new viruses. Thus, we can not see a direct causal relation ship from catching cold to strengthen one’s immune system. As the conclusion of this argument which is based on this, the conclusion will be unconvincing. Otherwise后面的我觉得可能是列举他因。但是就觉得列的奇奇怪怪的，和T.S.没有关系。我是新手啦，可能有不对的地方，还可以在QQ上和我讨论。

Another flaw that weakens this argument is the reason about the people with many social ties would catch less cold than who with few social ties (conclusion of the study that having an active social life probably helps strengthen the immune system) is not warranted. From the survey quoted in the argument, however, we could find no sign of the relationship between the catching cold and social ties. In the survey of the study, (It is possible that) the people with many social ties would have good attitude for (是这样用么？) their life (是不是用living habits) , and they would take more care of their health, but the condition of the people with few social ties would not as good as the previous people. So the main reason of the frequency of (连续of是不是可以改成that one) catching cold is not the social ties but the healthy life (我也不知道用什么) .
最后，应该多列几个他因。然后，我觉得不用给他因做总结，这样发反而显得罗索。再有，我觉得你没分析study的真实性。因为我觉得只看到study，我脑子里就是vague和其他的诸多问题。我认为你这一段的主题可以统领在study的错误中。分析时带出来，再列他几个他因，这样感觉比较有内容。

In addition, the suggestion is lacking further considering, which is given by the arguer about in order to prevent catching cold people should become more social activities.(感觉完全没必要写) Even if the study is convincible(感觉之前应该是study is unconvincing,但是你有没有直接提出来), the arguer fails to consider a (the) possible that not all kinds of people (everyone) are suitable to take more social activities. Like the people whose immune system is not strong enough, the result of becoming more social activities is that these people would be easier to catch cold. ( 提纲中的：“为了不得感冒而多社交，但情况往往相反。”完全没有体现出来。)
这一段第一句我觉得是受模版影响，完全可以删去。最后可以详细展开提纲里的内容。

In conclusion, the arguer fails to cite adequate and scientific evidence to justify the study about the catching cold and social activities ties. Also he missed many other possible factors that would make people catching cold. If the author wants the argument to be more convincible, he would give us more information and study facts to justify his conclusion.

首先强调我是新手。我看了好久别人的习作和修改，还是很没状态。所以呢，我的观点正确性不很高。观点都在文章中，希望你看了以后能和我讨论下。




[ 本帖最后由 yzl_1988 于 2008-4-6 15:37 编辑 ]

yzl_1988UID: 2372248

终于有颜色了。
让我改了好久。

deerprinceUID: 2394244

感谢如此仔细的修改