Jack互改练习贴

hyacinthUID：2184492

你想让我帮你看哪一篇呢? 最新的这一篇还是我随便挑呢?

Jack_JiUID：2340109

随便挑一篇吧，十分感谢:handshake

十字路口UID：2339345

Does human activity improve or damage the earth?
  
  Human has been developing the earth to make it a better place for living from the ancient times.Till now,we have seeming benefited from these activities.Factories produce various products to satisfy people's needs.Cars,ships ,planes and other tools make transportation fast and easy.However,the adverse effect of human activity on the earth is increasingly apparent.Human activity actually damages the earth to some extent.
  Human are busy with developing wild land for their own use,but do not notice that habitats of wild animals are destroyed.Some species are in danger of extinction because of having no place to live in.This action of occupying wild animals' habitats has also resulted in their advent in human's living places.The related reports are familiar to people now.For example,it was once reported that an elephant rushed into a village , hurt several villagers and almost destroyed the village one day.
  In addition,human activity on the earth leads to climate change in the world.Global warming is a good example.Scientists have noted a disturbing rise in the average temperature of the earth,and believed that this is due to greenhouse gases expeled by human activities.They predict that the polar ice caps would thaw and flood the whole world ,especially the lower places in physiognomy.Also ,the big snow disaster in the south areas of our country ,such as hunan,is regarded as the result of human activity on the earth.
  Finally,human activity on the earth damages people's natural living environment,thus people's health is getting worse.With economic development,more factories are built in the rural areas.A large amount of waste water and materials are poured into rivers without being disposed of,since local people lack knowledge of purifying waste water and materials.This leads to pollution in water and land.Local people drink polluted water and eat food ,but do not notice it.This waste things will lead to uncurable disasters ,when they take in these waste things for a long time.Similar reports are also familiar now.It was once repoted that most of the villagers suffered from liver cancers due to having drinking polluted water expelled bu paper mill  in local area.
  All in all,we are not supposed to focus on short-term economic benefit,but on long-term benefit of human development.We should not only make the earth a better place for human,but a paradise of all the beings living in the world.

:)
不知道写的怎么样,请大家帮忙改一下,谢谢

Jack_JiUID：2340109

Some people think that we learn our most important lessons in schools. Others think that  
the knowledge we acquire outside of school is the most important.

We live in a world that more and more demands are putting on the knowledge. With the  
desire for knowledge, some people conclude that it is better to learn their most  
important lessons in schools, at the same time, others tend to acquire knowledge through  
their hands-on experience outside of school. I think that people would learn more through  
the lessons outside of school.

Traditional schools offers people opportunity to be exposed under different viewpoints.  
However, lots of students in schools lost their direction in the process of teaching.  
Teachers are trying their best to insert the misllanneous information including different
viewpoints from the famous people in the history to their students. Students are so stuffed  
that they have no time and encouragement to analyze and synthesize the problems individuals  
have to face because they hardly can practice what they have learned into practice. With  
participation to the society, people will have a better understanding of the world and  
learn more.

Hands-on experience outside of school enables people to form a critical thinking that what  
they learned in schools sometimes can hardly be the truth. For example, a newly graduated  
college students with Computer Science degree may hardly find a job in the high-tech  
company in that what he or she learned in the class can not dress the need of the company  
and even some of the theory is totally wrong because it can not connect to the practice.

Learning outside of school is an indispensable part of people's live, in this way people  
become socialized. Sharing things people like and settling the disagreement between people  
are skills that we have to learn mainly through lessons outside of school. How to deal with  
personal finance, how to cope with current social trend and even how to effectively  
organize our mind are seldom be thoroughly and comprehensively discussed in schools.  
Therefore, people should learn all of these skills in the society manly through lessons  
outside schools.

hyacinthUID：2184492

In the modern society, decisions for people are more and more difficult to make especially for the older teenage children with less experience and knowledge. But it does not mean that parents should make important decisions on their older teenage children's behalf. Nevertheless, they are supposed to take a active role in the decision-making process of their children.

Important decisions for the older teenage are that will have significant consequences and ever-lasting impact on their life and sometimes it is hard for them to make decisions for the circumstances and implication of the decision are rather complex. So, it is wise for parents to offer some suggestions to their children for they have more knowledge and experience. Furthermore, parents have the responsibility to cultivate their offspring in a moderate way by offering advices. For example, when a [删去.后面是students] high school students are ready to enter a university, parents should offer some advices for their children in order to choose a suitable university and major.

Seeking advice from parents is also very helpful for the children, especially when they confer with their parents who have already faced the same problems. Parents who have experienced the same problems will help their children analyze the situation insightfully. Through comparison of the viewpoints from their parents, children will make best assessment of his or her situation and therefore make a wise decision. For example, when I was a teenager, I faced a lot of problems such as how to get along well with people with strange belief, [一句话说完了就要当机立断的用句号把它给结了.否则就变成run on sentence了.^^]my father told me that what seems outlandish today may become widely accepted a century, a decade or even a year later and in order to get along well with people with strange belief, one should get open-minded and receive different viewpoints.

However, parents should not make decision on their children's behalf. If children get used to walking in the prearranged direction designed by their parents, their[指代] abilities to make decisions independently will totally[totally语气强了点,也太绝对了] be destroyed. Children's future, like every generation[前面的主语是future,future和generation不能直接进行对比啊], are[→is] filled with uncertainty. Neither can parents tell everything to their offspring, nor can parents make every important decision for children. Parents should deliberately develop their older teenage children's ability to take full responsibility of their decision and make it themselves [指代不明].

用词和表达都已经很成熟了. 不过make这个词出现的频率有点高.:rolleyes:

你最后一段的开头however,blah blah blah,可是你前文并没有说家长就应该替孩子做决定啊,哪里来的转折呢? 你的文章主旨应该是在孩子做决定的过程中,家长应该扮演一个积极引导者的角色不是吗?我觉得前面两段也是围绕这个展开的. 说实话,你最后一段的目的很不明朗,到底是对前文的补充说明还是用来做结尾呢?暂时不管你想让它做什么.无论什么文章,结构完整都是最重要的.

另外,我看完你的文章有一个很大的疑问,就是你所定义的有active role的家长和直接替孩子做决定的家长到底有什么区别.我觉得家长的指引有的时候其实是一种变相的暗示,还是想让孩子选择家长觉得正确的路嘛.那你是不是应该在文章里解释下这点呢? 这个扯到逻辑上去了. 虽然T的作文对逻辑要求不像G那么严谨,但是你给的定义很模糊,我觉得你文章的主题不是很突出.

不过总体来说是篇好文章.;d:

Jack_JiUID：2340109

明白了~~ 我仔细又读了一遍，的确感觉主旨那么明确。

至于家长的active role，的确家长的建议有暗示的作用，但是如果家长一点建议都不给的话，这样更显得不负责任。

谢谢版主的修改:) :)

十字路口UID：2339345

又写了一篇不知怎么样,请版主帮忙修改,谢谢,
it has been said "Not everything that is learned is contained in books."Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books.In your opinion ,which source is more important ?Why?

  The source of knowledge is different among different people.Some acquire knowledge from books,while others learn knowledge through experiences.There is not a criterion for deciding which one is more important.They both have advantages and disadvantages.
  For knowledge gained from books,it could be gotten easily as long as one is literate.Knowledge gained from books is various ,ranging from math,science to history and art.Sometimes books could supply with knowledge one can't gain through personal experiences.Such knowledge refers to knowledge related to the universe,the origins of life on earth and historic events.However,knowledge from books is possibly forgotten befor long.Also,some knowledge  contained in books isn't practical.At this time,we need experience to expand our knowledge.
  Though some knowledge is not written down in books ,it is important for us.Young adults who just graduate from university have no idea of the society.They related information about how to adjust to the society,but this knowledge is not available in books.They need experience difficulties to get the knowledge by themselves,or gain some instructions from the older.However, knowledge gained from experience is limited,because one hardly has enough time for all kinds of experience.Also ,one could get hurt during the experience.Take doctors and chemists for example,they usually get hurt in experiments.In order to find a solution of a disease ,some doctors would do experiment with their bodies.Also,chemists usually get hurt during the experiment.
   Above all,i personally think knowledge gained from books is as neccesary as the one gained from experience.Both books and experience are important sources of knowledge.Moreover,they are connected with each other.Some knowledge in books is acquried by experiences,such as knowledge of science. People could gain more knowledge from experience with the instruction of  book knowledge.Graduate could make use of both knowledge learned from school and knowledge gained by experience to do well in their work.Therefore,mixture of book knowledge and experience is the more valuable source of knowledge.

Jack_JiUID：2340109

It has been said, " Not everyone that is learned is contained in books." Compare and contrast  knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinions, which  source is more important, why?

We live in the world that knowledge are coming to the central stage of modern society for  
its great significance on people's life. Some people believe that knowledge gained from  
books is more systematic and comprehensive. While others states that knowledge gained from  
hands-on experience is more personal. Both way of learning enable people in the society to  
better grasp knowledge, therefore, I believe that we should use both books and experience as source of gaining knowledge for their great advantages.

Knowledge gained from books, compared to that gained from personal experience, is more  
systematic and have almost no. limitations. Unlike personal experience that is limited by  
individual experience, knowledge gained from books have almost no limitations. Sitting in the  local library, you can travel to a lot of great places of interest by reading a geographic  books with nearly no expense at all. At the same time, there is some knowledge that can not be gained from experience such as history. History offers a terrain for moral contemplation.  By reading the stories of individuals and situation in the history, people may test his or  her own moral sense and hone it against the real complexity individuals have to faced. Only  through reading books, can people understand what happened to their ancestors in the past  and gain knowledge of history.

However, not everything is contained in books. How to deal with personal finance, how to  
cope with current social trends and even how to effectively organize our own mind and  
numerous other things can seldom be found discussed comprehensively and thoroughly in books. We have to gain such kind of knowledge through our hands-on experience. For instance, if you want to learn swimming. A fully detailed book of teaching swimming can not help you learn  
swimming. You have to jump into water and learn this skill through your experience. The  
future of us is filled with uncertainty, never can we learn everything mainly through books. We must gain knowledge from personal experience and draw on our own resources to analyze and  synthesize the problems we have to face.

In order to better grasp knowledge, the best way for people in the society is to use both  
books and experience as source simultaneously. Practicing what we have learned in books into use through personal experience and comparing and adjusting our knowledge gained from experience by books enable us better grasp knowledge and have a better understanding of the
world we live in.

Jack_JiUID：2340109

A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.

I live in a industrialized community where there are already several factories. At first glance, the new factory would further develop our community. However, there are lots of disadvantages as well. Before rendering my conclusion of whether support this plan or oppose, I think it is very necessary to penetrate this problem through the comparison of the advantages and disadvantages it will bring.

The most important advantage the factory will bring to us may be that a newly build-up factory would certainly further develop the economy of our community. Building up a new factory requires both the labor such as carpenters and plumbers and the building materials from local market, thereby creating more jobs positions for the locals. People in our community are more likely to find a job because there are large potential jobs to choose from. At the same time, a extra factory means that the competition among factory will increase which may result in the decreasing of the price of the production they produced. The ultimate beneficiary would be the people in our community for they would charge less for buying the same product.

However, the plan of building a new factory in our community would almost certainly have some negative effects. If our community become prosperous, immigrants from poorer regions will come here looking for jobs, because of their relative poverty, they will work harder for less money than the locals and drives the wages down. There also would be more immigrants than the factory jobs available, leading to a potential crisis of unemployment and a raising crime rate as a side-effect as well.

The most concerns of the company's announcement would be the environment problems. Every factory, no matter how well managed and controlled, will almost certainly pollute the local environment, especially in regards to polluting the water. Without water, our local area can not sustain life of any kind, livestock and human. At the same time, some of resources used by factory would be unrecyclable. Once the unrecyclable resources have been run off, many potential problems would emerge and bring more and more negative effects.

According to the current situation of our community that there are already several factories which polluted our local community for years, and through the comparison of the advantages and disadvantages of building a new factory in our community, the risks have outweighed the benefits. Therefore, I believe that building a new factory in our community will not be a wise decision from the perspectives from both company and the local people.

Jack_JiUID：2340109

:loveliness::cool: If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

I live in a highly developed community with nearly everything readily available. There are lots of public utilities and the transportation system is also very efficient. Most of people in our community seldom concerned about their living standard and almost every child have chance to go to schools. It seems that we have nothing worth changing; however, the most important thing I want to change in my hometown is the education system.

The education system lost its original purpose of filling empty mind to a open one and better preparing citizens for society when teachers in my hometown are trying to insert the miscellaneous information and indigestible materials to students in the traditional schools. What the students should do is sitting in front of their teachers and just listening to what teachers are talking about. Students in my hometown are so stuffed that they can have no time and was given no encouragement to draw on their own resources to analyze and synthesize the problems individuals have to face. The only thing they concerned is the scores. For example, the most "competent" student in my hometown is the one who can get the highest score in the exam. And scores have been entrenched deeply in people's heart as a critea for judging a good student.

Furthermore, students in class nearly have no chance to practice what they have learned into practice. As a result, students have to believe what their teachers told them and live in a world that only constructed by theories. Nevertheless, more and more curriculums concerning practice should be brought to schools in my hometown. We can make best use of the resources in my hometown, there are lots of companies and factories where students can grasp knowledge more deeply. Take learning physics for example, the best way for students to understand the physics world is to gain knowledge from both theory and practice.

As Socrates knew more two thousands years ago, the real education was not to stuff those miscellaneous information to the students who have long been treated as sausages, but to sparkle the interest of students to draw on their own resources to analyze the circumstances and implications of problems and find some relevant information and therefore make a wise decision. In my point of view, students are more like oysters rather than sausages. There are pearls in each of students, as long as the education system in my hometown have changed to meet the needs of permitting students in my hometown to gain knowledge from their personal experience and make decisions independently.

昨天写了3篇 一气贴了~~:loveliness:

十字路口UID：2339345

你的措辞比我的好的多,我很喜欢最后一段结尾,