SAT ESSAY互批

海上钢琴师1900UID: 2379482

本人为2013er，六月香港SAT，开设这帖是为了让大家一起讨论SAT ESSAY的一些问题，大家也可以把自己的ESSAY打上来或者扫描上来，我们一起提提意见咯＾＾一起加油，直冲美国！
, h( t6 l- m* U4 B自己先来一篇：

OG No.2
+ y' e# `$ @* s+ T  A0 IDo changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better?
During the history, there have been numerous alternatives that made our lives easier than before. Cars, trains, steamships, and other modern vehicles have waned the distance between people; computers, telephones, cellphones and other households have greatly shifted the way of communication. However, the saying that all these changes made our lives easier is, in my mind, too superficial.

Let us just take a look at the compelling example, cars. Thousands of millions of cars are running all over the world, discharging tons of substances of pollution that undermines the atmosphere. In my hometown, there are a thousand new cars getting out of the stores and begin their job as passenger carriers and “air pollutioners” as well. When I was one-year-old, or two, my parents took me to the suburb to take pictures. From those old photos in my family albums, I could see that the sky was lucid and light; the clouds were translucent; and there were birds flying. However, the city nowadays is covered in a mysteries yellowish fog, which makes people feel oppressed. In the hospital, the number of patients with respiration system ailments is increasing in an unimaginable high rate. The government has made a statement that the main cause of the worsening air pollution is the rising number of family-own cars. Hence, the alternation that made our daily lives simpler does not mean to make them better.
$ o, Q! d% u, f
Cellphones, again, is a change that altered our lives but damaged them at the same time. With a cellphone, people can reach one another, whoever, whenever and wherever. The cellphone in the classroom is always unwelcome. As one of my teachers said, “there is always a good cellphone during the lecture”, as one of my classmates’ phone accidentally rang, broke the teacher’s class. Also, when we are having holidays, on an island, for instance, what we want to do most is to switch off our cellphones and bury them in the beach, for our boss and friends can find us through cellphone, wherever we are. In a word, when talking on cellphone, one is never alone, and he or she will never be alone as well.
8 F0 g" v1 G1 ]+ C4 `2 ]# |
All things have their pros and cons. To changes, they also have their bad aspects as stated before.

最后结尾不知道怎么弄了，觉得怎么写都落入了TOEFL的俗套，大家有没有什么建议？
例子上如果这么写算不算重复的？

深海lavenderUID: 2350207

hmmm......好久好久没看过SAT作文了，记不太清SAT作文是怎么写的了。不过LZ这篇确实非常非常像T的作文，太格式化了些。
sorry to let you down...I'm not at home. 我5.1期间回家的时候把以前东西翻出来看看，尽量帮大家点忙吧。:)

深海lavenderUID: 2350207

BTW，LZ有些语法错误，虽然不会有太大影响，能做的尽善尽美不是更好么。:)
; ?+ i! N" R$ }0 Q下次贴作文前记得吧语法错误改下吧。:)

冰棒汽水ECHOUID: 2289028

原帖由 深海lavender 于 2008-4-29 11:10 发表
hmmm......好久好久没看过SAT作文了，记不太清SAT作文是怎么写的了。不过LZ这篇确实非常非常像T的作文，太格式化了些。
sorry to let you down...I'm not at home. 我5.1期间回家的时候把以前东西翻出来看看， ...

期待一下。。。真的不想用模板。。。但是旁边人极力鼓吹。。。结果模考ESSAY评分都偏差了。。。

深海lavenderUID: 2350207

用模板确实不算得上上之选，5.1 我会尽量把经验教训总结下贴出来的。

冰棒汽水ECHOUID: 2289028

原帖由 深海lavender 于 2008-4-29 11:29 发表
0 D1 k  Y& P  B! V7 r$ P$ T用模板确实不算得上上之选，5.1 我会尽量把经验教训总结下贴出来的。

0 y, H( r/ p& j8 p5 t- N;d: 期待
有人用过大段对话形式都12分的:confused:

深海lavenderUID: 2350207

这个就不清楚了。。。写的好，有内容，无论什么体裁都一样。

冰棒汽水ECHOUID: 2289028

T的文套根本不好用啊。。。说明方面不完善

海上钢琴师1900UID: 2379482

非常感谢前辈．．．我觉得写了T的作文就很难不落入俗套T_T
ANYWAY,我看了几篇六分范文，似乎和T的作文差的就是一些议论了，大体的结构，开头，两个例子，结尾，都一模一样．．．不知道大家的感觉怎样？到底应该怎么避开T的格式呢？跪谢:)