5.10考试，请高手修改一下独立写作，万分感谢啊。。。

zhangzhuranUID：2456876

文章在规定时间内写完的，之后自己改过一遍。这类不需要选择观点的题目总有些心虚，希望能碰到个已经给了正反两面的题目。。。

谢谢！:)

Do you agree or disagree that college life is the best time in a person’s life.



I, a senior student of one of the top universities in my country, am enjoying the most comfortable time in my campus. Because of the accomplishment of academic assignments, there are not compulsive lessons and since I have got my admission of graduate college I feel more relaxed. So I have plenty of time to do whatever I want to, like preparing to the TOEFL, reading the books on economy and sociology and hanging out with my friends.

It is beyond the disputation that the college time is the most amazing period in one’s life. A multitude of factors could contribute to the view. Firstly, the freedom in the campus is so precious, which is demonstrated on the flexibility of life schedule which is mostly decided by my own interest and the liberty to choose lessons suitable to my taste. If I graduate from the university to be part of the society, my plan may be influenced by my boss and family primarily.

I indicate my point as a response to the simple, logic, academic and pure atmosphere in the university, compared with the complicated and sophisticated circumstance in the society. The relationship between classmates always involves anything but the benefit and they judge a person only by their heartfelt feelings which are contrast to the competition for profit, occurring frequently in society. Thus, the severe competition, including the intricate interpersonal relationship, is another factor to make one exhausted which is much harder than a student’s study work. When I took the internship in a company, inevitable, I can feel the subtle thinking of contest from the other interns who is unsophisticated as my classmate, making me reminisce about my rhathymia in the campus.

What’s more, the much less pressure in the college is also responsible to my opinion. In most cases, there is no necessary for a college student to struggle for the life hardly since his parents may still be the support and backing. When entering into the career, however, I have no reasonable excuse to ask for parents’ financial assistance.

In conclusion, since to me, although the other periods have their own attractive advantages and provide colorful experience and memory, the happiest time of my life is my college time especially when the freedom, relaxed atmosphere and lack of pressure are taken into deliberation.

[ 本帖最后由 zhangzhuran 于 2008-5-3 15:49 编辑 ]

satisfy123UID：2439982

冒昧的说一点吧，除了语法和句法之外的： 觉得过多的站在了自己的立场上了，尤其是开头和结尾，让人认为你证明了“my”college life is the best， 个人认为不太有力。

zhangzhuranUID：2456876

嗯，谢谢！！
其实中间时候用了“he”后来觉得人称不统一，一着急就都改了“I”
现在仔细看看题目，觉得确实是应该站在“person”的角度来说
:)

hyacinthUID：2184492

I, a senior student of one of the top universities in my country, am enjoying the most comfortable time in my campus. Because of the accomplishment of academic assignments, there are not compulsive [you mean compulsory?] lessons and since I have got my admission of graduate college [college一般是指本科学院, 你可以说graduate school/program] I feel more relaxed. So I have plenty of time to do whatever I want to, like preparing to the TOEFL, reading the books on economy and sociology and hanging out with my friends. [concentrate on yourself too much, 却忘了给出中心句回答你是否同意题目的statement.虽然能看出来你所写的都是agree, 但有的时候需要捅破这层窗户纸, 明确的说出来.]

It is beyond the disputation that the college time is the most amazing period in one’s life. A multitude of factors could contribute to the view. Firstly, the freedom in the campus is so [so就比较口语化了,类似的还有very /really, 能不用就尽量不要用] precious, which is demonstrated on the flexibility of life schedule which is mostly decided by my own interest and the liberty to choose lessons suitable to my taste. If I graduate from the university to be [→and become] part of the society, my plan may be influenced by my boss and family primarily.

I indicate my point as a response to the simple, logic, academic and pure [这四个形容词很空,给人感觉有点点做作-__-b] atmosphere in the university, compared with the complicated and sophisticated circumstance in the society. The relationship between classmates always involves anything but the [the 删去] benefit and they judge a person only by their heartfelt feelings which are contrast to the competition for profit, occurring frequently in society. Thus, the severe competition, including the intricate interpersonal relationship, is another factor to make one exhausted which is much harder than a student’s study work. When I took the internship in a company, inevitable [→inevitably], I can feel the subtle thinking of contest from the other interns who is unsophisticated as my classmate [这句的表达有点awkward,我看得不是很懂.], making me reminisce about my rhathymia [er…有的时候其实不需要用fancy word :rolleyes: ] in the campus.

What’s more, the much less pressure in the college is also responsible to my opinion. In most cases, there is no necessary [→it is not necessary] for a college student to struggle for the life hardly [→difficultly/painfully. hardly的意思是almost not] since his parents may still be the support and backing. When entering into the career, however, I have no reasonable excuse to ask for parents’ financial assistance.

In conclusion, since to me [→as for me/ as far as I am concerned], although the other periods have their own attractive advantages and provide colorful experience and memory, the happiest time of my life is my college time especially when the freedom, relaxed atmosphere and lack of pressure are taken into deliberation.

首先很抱歉,你是5.10考试,我的精力实在有限,到现在才看到你的文章. :(
然后不是很明白你所说的不需要选择的题目是指什么意思,对你而言什么样的题目是已经给了正反两面的题目呢?

下面说说你这篇文章:
文章的TONE比较混乱,第一人称和第三人称没有转换好, 而且文章里最好能保持TONE的一致和连贯.
然后有的长句读起来有点疙瘩.觉得你最好在下笔写句子前能把你会中文这件事忘掉,完全用英文去构思,而不是先用中文想好再翻译,因为我感觉偶尔会有些表达比较Chinglish, 或者说,有些awkward.

还有三天时间,我的建议是,每天能抽空大声朗读一些原文段子,可以加强英语语感.
还有,你在写文章前最好能理清思路,觉得你的文章内容不是特别的紧凑,这个可能是因为TONE比较混乱造成的,会感觉文章不连贯.

不过你的词汇量真是非常的棒!动词搭配也很impressive. 这都是你作文主要的得分点. 但同时注意,这些词的堆砌会给人空洞做作的感觉,所以考试时一定要记得用specific example填充你的文章,不要光说大道理.;d:

GOOD LUCK~~:)

zhangzhuranUID：2456876

收到！呵
谢谢，你说的问题我会注意的

按照新东方戴某的分类，写作是分了观点选择题，比较对比题和自定义类的题。当然这样分类是没什么必要的，只是个人觉得观点选择比较好写，就是什么住大城市小城市之类，象这样“best”“more”的比较对比题就有点怵。不过这几天又练了几篇感觉好一些了。

总之，辛苦啦！:loveliness: