大作文求拍

SHENSHI316UID: 2464966

我很愿意改烤鸭的作文，可是我太菜，没找到没改过的文章
如果有同学愿意互改的话，我相当乐意
谢谢赐教
C5T3
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged .Others believe that children who r taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults .

With the whole society is now accelerating developing , one question is focused on again whether fighting against opponents or co-operating rebels should be encouraged to fit to the current society .
Some one give arguments that out of question the violent competition takes weigh in violent market . First of all , at least competition make independence ,which is so significant but has collapsed behind the long-time wings of parents ,and as if the little children enter into so-called “helping each other “ team , they will become reliable again .In addition ,some opinions will be gave that anyone besides yourself are unworthy to be trusted ,which is also contributing to the reasons . Last but not least , vivid example pushing up human being to prefer to beat others to obtain what they want is that USA took dominant of exploring oil after making a war with Iraq .

Some hold the opposite idea . Due to the indifference of the relationship of individual being ,people should make more close with others throughout companying .What is more , a lot of affairs can only get scores with co-operating ,such as football game ,basketball game and so on .

As far as I concerned ,the competition is inevitable ,as same as the co-operate .In real life ,you must learn how to compete with enemies  ,as well as make partners with colleagues . If you can’t master both talents ,it can hardly reach the demand of market .

forbeckUID: 2297645

其实版里已经修改过的作文，楼主还可以再看看的，提出自己异于别人的意见，既能看到别人的作文，还能学习到更多人的写作特色:)

SHENSHI316UID: 2464966

伤透了我的心啊
我给新东方老师看了
上一篇作文他给5.5分
我伤心了，又写亦篇
他给我5分啊
555555555555555555

forbeckUID: 2297645

他有没和你说说理由呢？

giserliUID: 2283848

语法错误好像还挺多的
用词感觉逻辑不是很清楚
这篇作文应该到不了6的，
建议好好研究雅思作文的结构，

SHENSHI316UID: 2464966

整体评分5分

通篇文章回答了考试的问题，虽然结构不够规范和紧凑，但能基本读懂文章的主要思想；

文章能够使用不少表达逻辑关系的词汇，如first of all, last bu not the least等，但是内部论证并没有形成令人信服的逻辑链。

文章用词存在大量错误和不当用法，不过整体而言并未影响大意的表达。复杂句结构有所体现，但是缺乏变化和精确的表述。

呵呵，老师素蛮负责的
谢谢版主关心。。。。。(*^__^*) 嘻嘻……

SHENSHI316UID: 2464966

恩，继续努力。。。。
嘻嘻，谢谢顶贴~