Argument14 【challenge yourself小组】 第六次作业 by 抹茶抹茶

抹茶抹茶UID: 2522146

之前的帖子题目多了个空格，所以被关闭了。
现在重发:)

14The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small business serving a suburban town.

"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."

有证据表明消费者对于自己种植蔬菜越来越感兴趣。上个月举行的一项国家调查显示很多消费者对于超市上供应的新鲜蔬菜的质量不满意。在本地，园艺杂志《大花园》在"Village News"报亭连续三个月售磬。因此，我们Green Thumb Gardening Center可以通过大量增加今春为园艺爱好者准备的蔬菜种子的种类而增加盈利。

Before anticipating the increasing profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetables seeds, we should examine the evidence given by the author from several other angles. The author holds the idea that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables supported by a national survey and the fact of a gardening magazine Great Gardens without considering some other factors which may affect the possibility of such kind of ideas and lead to a distinctive result.

First of all, a national survey conducted last month shows the result that many consumers are dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables sold in supermarkets without further consideration from other angles. We don’t get any information about people’s career, age, sex, and the number of those people. Also, the author does not tell us anything about the definition of “many”. Perhaps “many” people just take up a very small part of people who participate in the survey. Further, can a national survey represent the ideas of residents in this suburban town? People from different places may hold distinctive ideas on the same thing. Perhaps the people participating in the pool are most of the residents in cities and they are getting tired of the same quality of vegetables sold in supermarkets, while most people from the suburban town are growing their own vegetables, getting tired of this work and want to buy vegetables in supermarkets for convenience. So lacking such further reasoning, the author fails to show us the reasonableness and effectiveness of this pool and cannot tell whether this national survey can represent ideas of people from different places.

Another evidence we should examine is this: the local gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. The argument does not say anything about the location of the Village News stand, the number of Great Gardens had been sold there, the sales volume of other stands and other promotion methods of Great Gardens. Perhaps the Village News stand is mostly located in a super golden area and just stock two or three Great Gardens each stand so that it is easy for them to be sold out. Or perhaps other stands cannot even sell one Great Gardens. The author does not provide more data about the entire sales volume of this magazine. Even if the value of sales is perfect everywhere, we cannot get rid of the possibility that Great Gardens provided attractive complimentary gifts in order to promote its sales volume. People aim to get the gifts by buying their magazine. Also, we cannot sure if there is a new wonderful column of special things which may affect the sales value of Great Gardens. If the author wants to persuade us, he or she should provide more information and data about the Village News stand and the deep reason of the “flying” sales volume of Great Gardens.

Additionally, even if people are getting more and more interested in growing their own vegetables and people buy Great Gardens just for the vegetable growing, we cannot ensure that the kinds of vegetables provided by Green Thumb Gardening Center will not dissatisfy the consumers and the consumers will surely buy the seeds from there. Perhaps people do not like the seeds there. And other gardening centers also provide large quantities of vegetable seeds so that the average price of the seeds decreases and it is more difficult for Green Thumb Gardening Center to increase their profits.

In conclusion, there are still more possibilities about this argument. More evidence and further reasoning are needed to support the author’s idea. However, the author fails to provide them.

superjiang001UID: 2300426

Before anticipating the increasing profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetables seeds, we should examine the evidence given by the author from several other angles. The author holds the idea that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables supported by a national survey and the fact of a gardening magazine Great Gardens (are sold out)without considering some other factors which may affect the possibility of such kind of ideas and lead to a distinctive(destructive) result.(呵呵，开头写法和一篇6分的官方范文很像，建议改进)

First of all, a national survey conducted last month shows the result that many consumers are dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables sold in supermarkets without further consideration from other angles. We don’t get any information about people’s career, age, sex, and the number of those people.（把career什么的都换成复数） Also, the author does not tell us anything about the definition of “many”. Perhaps “many” people just take up a very small part of people who participate in the survey. Further, can a national survey represent the ideas of residents in this suburban town? People from different places may hold distinctive ideas on the same thing. Perhaps the people participating in the pool are most of the residents in cities and they are getting tired of the same quality of vegetables sold in supermarkets, while most people from the suburban town are growing their own vegetables, getting tired of this work and want to buy vegetables in supermarkets for convenience. So lacking such further reasoning, the author fails to show us the reasonableness and effectiveness of this pool and cannot tell whether this national survey can represent ideas of people from different places.

Another evidence we should examine is this: the local gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. The argument does not say anything about the location of the Village News stand, the number of Great Gardens had been sold there, the sales volume of other stands and other promotion methods of Great Gardens. Perhaps the Village News stand is mostly located in a super golden area and just stock two or three Great Gardens each stand so that it is easy for them to be sold out. Or perhaps other stands cannot even sell one Great Gardens. The author does not provide more data about the entire sales volume of this magazine. Even if the value of sales is perfect everywhere, we cannot get rid of the possibility that Great Gardens provided attractive complimentary gifts in order to promote its sales volume. People aim to get the gifts by buying their magazine. Also, we cannot sure if there is a new wonderful column of special things which may affect the sales value of Great Gardens. If the author wants to persuade us, he or she should provide more information and data about the Village News stand and the deep reason of the “flying” sales volume of Great Gardens.

Additionally, even if people are getting more and more interested in growing their own vegetables and people buy Great Gardens just for the vegetable growing, we cannot ensure that the kinds of vegetables provided by Green Thumb Gardening Center will not dissatisfy the consumers and the consumers will surely buy the seeds from there. Perhaps people do not like the seeds there. And other gardening centers also provide large quantities of vegetable seeds so that the average price of the seeds decreases and it is more difficult for Green Thumb Gardening Center to increase their profits.

In conclusion, there are still more possibilities about this argument. More evidence and further reasoning are needed to support the author’s idea. However, the author fails to provide them.
论证和语言什么的都很好，也知道列举一些具体的其它的可能性，估计楼主看了《再论Argument的展开和组织》这篇文章，论证方法什么的都和里面的一样，这没有问题，但开头和各段的句式和词汇觉得需要改一下，要不也是有雷同的可能性的。