作文求拍

sai84UID: 2378637

快要考试了，请大家都忙拍下:loveliness:

It has recently been announced that a new restaurant may be built in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer


Some people agree that builting a new restaurant in our community is a good idea, beacause it can bring more convenience for us and it also can offer some job chance for us. But I oppose this plan. There are many reasons why I do not agree it, I will only give several most important ones here.

It's true that a restaurant in our comunity will bring us a lot covenience, for example when we are too tired to cook we can eat in the restaurant. But please don't forget that there is a good restaurant in our neighborhood comunity. It only cost us 10 minutes to go there by bicycle and we even can call for food sending service. So I think builting a new restaurant in our neighborhood is not necessery and it is a waste of resources.

Furthermore, if in our community there is a new restaurant, it will increas the traffic loads around our community. The traffic is so bad in our district that when it is busy some time we have to spend half an hour to wait for crossing a crossroad. A new restaurant will make it worse, because many people will come here for dinner, and if the cars they driving are stopped in our park for there isn't enough space to build another one or on the streets, it will make things even worse.

Finaly, a new restaurant also brings other prombles. First, cars driven by the people who have dinner in the restaurant will make air pullution for the gas they give out. Second, our peaceful lives will be disrupted because people, their cars and the machine used in the restuarant will make so many noise for dawn to midnight. Third, a new restuarant will bring a lot of population, and it will cause a large numble of problems.

The benefits brought by building a new restaurant in our community are less that the harm it brings, so I oppose the plan.

Jas2008UID: 2509577

Some people agree that builting a new restaurant in our community is a good idea, beacause it can brings more convenience for us and it also can offer some job chances for us. But I oppose this plan. There are many reasons why I do not agree (with) it,but I will only give several most important ones here.

It's true that a restaurant in our comunity will bring us a lot covenience, for example, when we are too tired to cook, we can eat in the restaurant. But please don't forget that there is a good restaurant in our neighborhood comunity. It only cost us 10 minutes to go there by bicycle and we can even call for food sending(delivery) service. So I think builting a new restaurant in our neighborhood(community) is not necessery and it is a waste of resources.

Furthermore, if there is a new restaurant in our community , it will increase the traffic loads around our community. The traffic is so bad(heavy) in our district that when it is busy some time(建议使用rush hour,个人感觉地道些) ,we have to spend half an hour to wait(waiting) for crossing a crossroad(感觉有点重复,用road就行了吧). ( A new restaurant will make it worse, because many people will come here for dinner, and if the cars they driving(drive) are(去掉) stopped in our park for there isn't enough space to build another one or on the streets, it will make things even worse.)
最后这个句子感觉表义不清,而且语法上也怪怪的,好像在一位追求长.不知道你觉得这样改下如何:
The conditions might be even deteriorated when the consumers of the restaurant park their cars in our community park due to the lack of parking spaces.

Finaly(finally), a new restaurant also brings other prombles. First, cars driven by the people who have dinner in the restaurant will make air pullution for the gas they give out. Second, our peaceful lives will be disrupted because people, their cars and the machine used in the restuarant will make so many noise for dawn to midnight. Third, a new restuarant will bring a lot of population, and it will cause a large numble of problems.
这一段继续来123就感觉和文章总体的一二三有些不搭了,而且谈的都是很大的点,像pullution,peace,population.
虽然都说了,但是细节不够,话题发展的不多.而且很有点语病.
建议这一段专门就一点详细地说清楚了,不要贪多,着重注意topic development.

(建议加个连接句,譬如:From what has discussed above,)The benefits brought by building a new restaurant in our community are less (than) the harm it brings, so I oppose the plan.

Jas2008UID: 2509577

在规定的时间里能写出这么多还是很强的啊,我就写不完~~
我刚刚开始练作文,菜鸟~~
如果有些觉得不妥的地方就无视我吧!:)

sai84UID: 2378637

谢谢帮我改了这么多:loveliness: ，我这篇写了一个多小时呢，也是第一次写:) 。真的太感谢了，我很喜欢这一句The conditions might be even deteriorated when the consumers of the restaurant park their cars in our community park due to the lack of parking spaces.