第一篇独立作文，求拍

denghuiUID: 2134580

战战兢兢地写完第一篇独立作文，发上来求大家帮忙改改。
这是第一次写作文，刚动笔的时候简直就是茫然！~~~~写了很久很久才写完，自己改了一下拼写。大家尽情拍吧~~~
:) :handshake
btw，求作文修改的帖子是不是应该这样发啊，不清楚啊~~:confused:

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school. Use reasons and examples to support your position.



Worrying about the heater and heater competition, in modern society, parents make their big and detailed education plans for the children even as early as in their early school stage. Though there are views pointing out that a child should have an ease early school stage, I am one of the stead exponents of the opinion, "children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school".

First of all, beginning learning a foreign language as soon as they start school is comparatively easy for children. Admittedly, children can learn new things more quickly then adults, and the research shows that a child can remember 150 words in one minute. In fact, many children have the interest in new things and they like to imitate what the adults do, and they are less influenced by their mother tongue in contract with adults. All of these make it comparatively easy for children to absorb new knowledge of a new language. In addition, in the beginning stage of school, they have only a few subjects and little homework, so learning a foreign language is not too heavy a burden for children to bear.

What is more important, a foreign language opens a window to the outside world for the children and broadens their horizons. For instance, with the understanding a foreign language, they can have a better appreciation of what the stories mean when watching foreign cartons. What is more, learning a foreign language provides the children with more opportunities to make friends with foreign friends. All of these are bound to be an efficient way for them to learn more about the outside world and may give them the direct inspiration to explore the foreign culture in their future study.

A subtler but perhaps just as serious aspect is, learning a foreign language in their beginning stage of school makes children more competitive in their future study. Needless to mention, the talent shown in the command of new things, the knowledge of a language different from the native language and the self-disciplinary spirit developed in the learning are treasures for the children in their further study.

Therefore, I strongly suppose the opinion that children should learn a foreign language as soon as they start school. To put it in a direct way, learning a foreign language at their beginning stage of school not only is comparatively easy of children, but also broadens their horizons and makes them more competitive in their future study.

DHHDUID: 2307664

文章写得很好，词句法都很好，美中不足的是缺少一个让步段，把话说的有点绝对了，建议加上一段让步的话，使文章逻辑性更强，更有说服力。我会写一篇同样题目的文章，希望你可以给我一拍，谢谢！
DHHD
Worrying about the heater and heater competition, in modern society, parents make their big and detailed education plans for the children even as early as in their early school stage. Though there are views pointing out that a child should have an （ease）（这里是不是应该是easy？） early school stage, I am one of the stead exponents of the opinion, "children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school".（是否一进学校就学习外语与是否拥有一个轻松的早期教育环境并不构成必然的矛盾，所以这里建议不要这样写让步从句。）
First of all, beginning learning a foreign language as soon as they start school is comparatively easy for children（这里出现了一个了理解的偏差，你前面说的是they，后面用了children，只看句意会觉得前面的they和这里的children不是一个东西，建议把前面的they用更详细的方法写出来。）. Admittedly, children can learn new things more quickly （then）（than） adults, and （the）（research在这里第一次出现，所以不可以用特指。） research （shows）（这方面的研究应该不止一个，建议用复数） that a child can remember 150 words in one minute. In fact, many children have the interest in new things and they like to imitate what the adults do, and they are less influenced by their mother tongue in contract with adults. All of these make it comparatively easy for children to absorb new knowledge of a new language. In addition, in the beginning stage of school, they have only a few subjects and little homework, so learning a foreign language is not too heavy a burden for children to bear.
虽然我不同意你的说理，但我确实觉得你的句法很流畅。
What is more important, a foreign language opens a window to the outside world for the children and broadens their horizons. For instance, with the understanding （少了一个of吧） a foreign language, they can have a better appreciation of what the stories mean when watching foreign cartons. What is more, learning a foreign language provides the children with more opportunities to make friends with foreign friends. All of these are bound to be an efficient way for them to learn more about the outside world and may give them the direct inspiration to explore the foreign culture in their future study.
A subtler but perhaps just as serious aspect is, learning a foreign language in their beginning stage of school makes children more competitive in their future study. Needless to mention, the talent shown in the command of new things, the knowledge of a language different from the native language and the self-disciplinary spirit developed in the learning are treasures for the children in their further study.
Therefore, I strongly suppose the opinion that children should learn a foreign language as soon as they start school. To put it in a direct way, learning a foreign language at their beginning stage of school （not only）（和后面的is互换一个位置，不然句子不对） is comparatively easy of children, but also broadens their horizons and makes them more competitive in their future study.

denghuiUID: 2134580

谢谢楼上的这么热心地帮我修改:handshake
确实你指出的地方都是我写的时候不是很顺手的，尤其是开头，简直不知道该怎么引出话题。憋了很久才写这么一段。不过你帮我指出修改的建议之后，我就很清楚地错误在哪里了:loveliness: :handshake

但是下面这个地方我不是很明白：
To put it in a direct way, learning a foreign language at their beginning stage of school （not only）（和后面的is互换一个位置，不然句子不对） is comparatively easy of children, but also broadens their horizons and makes them more competitive in their future study.
这个句子里面 is 和 后面的but also之后的broadens是并列的，所以is 是不是应该放在not only的后面？

另外也期待看到你的作文，互相学习，呵呵~~~

yangtreeUID: 197483

文章用词很丰富，楼主的第一篇很赞。
Worrying about the heater and heater competition, in modern society, parents make their big and detailed education plans for the children even as early as in their early school stage. Though there are views pointing out that a child should have an ease early school stage, I am one of the stead exponents of the opinion, "children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school"（主题句表明了让步结构，文章是否就应该按这种结构写呢？）

First of all, beginning learning a foreign language as soon as they start school is comparatively easy for children（头重脚轻，it is easy for children...）. Admittedly（表让步的词，用这儿不合适吧）, children can learn new things more quickly then adults, and the research shows that a child can remember 150 words in one minute. In fact, many children have the interest in new things and they like to imitate what the adults do, and they are less influenced by their mother tongue in contract with adults. All of these make it comparatively easy for children to absorb new knowledge of a new language. In addition, in the beginning stage of school, they have only a few subjects and little homework, so learning a foreign language is not too heavy a burden for children to bear.
What is more important, a foreign language opens a window to the outside world for the children and broadens their horizons. For instance, with the understanding a foreign language, they can have a better appreciation of what the stories mean when watching foreign cartons. What is more（和前面的what is more important结构相似，有重复的感觉）, learning a foreign language provides the children with more opportunities to make friends with foreign friends（foreigners?). All of these are bound to be an efficient way for them to learn more about the outside world and may give them the direct inspiration to explore the foreign culture in their future study.
A subtler but perhaps just as serious aspect is, learning a foreign language in their beginning stage of school makes children more competitive in their future study. Needless to mention, the talent shown in the command of new things, the knowledge of a language different from the native language and the self-disciplinary spirit developed in the learning are treasures for the children in their further study.
Therefore, I strongly suppose the opinion that children should learn a foreign language as soon as they start school. To put it in a direct way, learning a foreign language at their beginning stage of school not only is comparatively easy of children, but also broadens their horizons and makes them more competitive in their future study.
题目的论断是尽早的学外语，如果反对这个观点的话，是不是加上和学得晚的直接比较说服力会强一些？就到这里，希望对楼主有帮助^_^

DHHDUID: 2307664

我的文章已经发上去了，现在帖子有沉的趋势，你找一下，谢谢哈～

denghuiUID: 2134580

我不是很清楚agree or disagree 的模板，是否大家写这种题目的时候都一定会谈到另外一个方面的好处，如果是的话，那不是要写多一大段？怕不够时间写主要的那一部分阿？~~~


大家这么热心地鼓励和帮助，我也有动力写得勤快一些~~;)


欢迎大家继续拍阿拍~~~~

denghuiUID: 2134580

另外，你那篇外语学习的文章已拍，希望有所帮助:loveliness: :handshake

DHHDUID: 2307664

看到你拍的了，多谢LZ～
一般我会写一个让步段，不然感觉文章说服力不够强，也许是考AW落下的习惯吧，我感觉30分钟写T作文应该是够的，话说当年45分钟写600+词的文章都还能剩个几分钟呢～