COMEON作文小组------tclrj 8月26日作业

tclrjtclrjUID：2517750

一限时质量就下降了好多啊……一着急好多词都想不出来了

It always appeared to be ridiculous to see many labor workers or old men gather together and talk about national events, since they would never get the chance to contribute to any one of those. But does none-contribute could possibly lead to the neglecting of the immense changes around the globe? There are many reasons required us to observe the world.

Some global gathering might straightly arouse national enthusiasm and patriotism. Olympic Games once quite far away from the people in our developing country now turned out to be a huge celebration of Chinese people. Though the gold medals, the world record breaking had nothing to do with our living environment and social statues, what seems obvious is that the people around us are becoming more self-confidence and gained booming working efficiency.

It's equally important for individuals to form a comprehensive picture of the scientific level and social achievement of our contemporary world through the exploration of the immense events taken place everyday. Not a single artisan attained a better salary after our spaceship launched on the moon, but everyone has this idea in mind: human working together could be invincible and would finally achieve the dream of our ancestor, so can the working at hand contributes. The social

What can be quite ironic as mentioned above, adults may not be easily changed by the impression of the events around, but children do. The scientific development might stimulate some geniuses' interest, and a magnate of science may born due to this. Knowing about the important events could also widen the horizon of one child, making him aware of diligence, generosity and the alike attributes that could attain success. Lincoln would never be a reverenced president if he failed to capture the public willingness for ending the black slavery.

The things happen around us might not directly change our lifestyle and condition, but what taken place as inner change could be hard to estimate. Hence it's our right as well as duty to be aware of the events around; through this we form a more complete and rational character, as well as educating children to become more provident.

qawsedUID：2359935

It always appeared--appears to be ridiculous to see many labor workers or old men gather together and talk about national events, since they would never get the chance to contribute to any one of those. But does none-contribute could possibly lead to the neglecting---neglect就可以~ of the immense changes around the globe? There are many reasons required us要去掉 to observe the world.

Some global gathering might straightly arouse national enthusiasm and patriotism. Olympic Games  +which were once quite far away from the people in our developing country now turned out to be a huge celebration of Chinese people. Though the gold medals, the world record breaking had nothing to do with our living environment and social statues, what seems obvious is that the people around us are becoming more self-confident and  gained和前面动词不一致哦 booming working efficiency.

It's equally important for individuals to form a comprehensive picture of the scientific level and social achievement of our contemporary world through the exploration of the immense events taken place everyday. Not a single artisan attained a better salary after our spaceship launched on the moon, but everyone has this idea in mind: human working together could be invincible and would finally achieve the dream of our ancestor, so can the working at hand contributes. so 后面不能倒装吧，直接陈述就好了吧. The social 没写完???~ 这段你从scientific level and social achievement两个方面结合来写想法很好，只是不太好说，可能没论证完，建议主题句简单一点，你现在这个主题句完全可以变成简短主题句后面的一句话，这样还起到了解释的作用。

What can be quite ironic as mentioned above,没太看明白这句，lz解释一下 adults may not be easily changed by the impression of the events around, but children do. The scientific development might stimulate some geniuses' interest, and a magnate of science may born due to this. Knowing about the important events could also widen the horizon of one child, making him aware of diligence, generosity and the alike attributes that could attain success. Lincoln would never be a reverenced president if he failed to capture the public willingness for ending the black slavery. 这个例子未免有点突然，和小孩联系不紧密啊！

The things happen---Things happened around us might not directly change our lifestyle and condition, but what taken place as inner change could be hard to estimate. Hence it's our right as well as duty to be aware of the events around; through this we +can form a more complete and rational character, as well as educating children to become more provident.

qawsedUID：2359935

lz是第一个交的，那就劳烦修改下午2点前最后一个交的了！辛苦辛苦:cool:

tclrjtclrjUID：2517750

嗯嗯，我把昨天最后的，和我后面的第一个都改鸟~~我的第二段的确没有写完……一限时就慌了，唉唉……人生因为限时而无比灰暗呀~~

qawsedUID：2359935

呵呵， 继续努力发挥！！最后一个作业的链接 辛苦辛苦了https://bbs.gter.net/thread-873139-1-1.html

devilkinelevenUID：2442869

这篇的思路很开阔，时不时地就冒一两个亮眼的句子。It's equally important for individuals to form a comprehensive picture of the scientific level and social achievement of our contemporary world through the exploration of the immense events taken place everyday.这第二个分论点很漂亮，我也想到了，最终写的时候却没能表达出来。

namejoeUID：2373013

语法方面不用多说，殁儿的功底很强。
对于文章风格的的建议：你的文章写的很洒脱，读起来很赏心悦目，不过ETS更注重那种逻辑性很强，结构严谨的文章。当然我不是否定你文章的严谨，但提醒你在10月考GRE时注意这种风格，因为我一个同学的风格跟你很像，而且用词以及表达上无可挑剔，可是最后的成绩不是很理想，不知道是不是因为文章风格的原因。

laureljiaUID：2440618

问个题外话,殁儿是明年6G么?

tclrjtclrjUID：2517750

俺今年的10G，刚考完作文滴……