FF组第二次作业Argument 65----by lunwenxuMM

lunwenxuMMUID: 2234422

ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."


In the memo, the president advocates that all of their stores should discontinue stocking imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. To substantiate the conclusion, the arguer points out that at their newest store, the best-selling cheeses were all domestic cheddar cheeses. Meanwhile, the arguer also cites the recent survey by Cheeses of the world magazine which indicated that more and more subscribers prefer the domestic cheeses to imported ones. A careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.

In the first place, the fact that at their newest store the five best-selling cheeses last year were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin can not prove that the customers prefer domestic cheeses to imported ones. On one hand, as a chain store with branches spread all over the US, the situation of newest store can not represent the stores all. It is entirely possible that in the other stores, the imported cheeses have a better selling than the domestic ones. It is equally possible that the newest stores’  five best selling domestic cheddar cheeses were all on sale last year, which will not last long. On the other hand, granted that the newest store can represent the selling of all the stores in US, we can not ensure that the domestic cheeses are preferred to imported ones. It is possible that the selling of last year is just an aberration, and in the coming years and before the imported cheeses have a better selling. The trend may be that the imported cheeses will be selling better in the next year according to the trend of past several years even though domestic cheeses have a better performance in the last year.  

In the second place, for lack of validity, the result of the survey could not lend strong support to the arguer’s claim. First of all, in the absence of the data concerning the total amount of the subscribers of the magazine, the reliability of the results of the survey is open to doubt. It is entire possible that the subscribers of the magazine are extremely rich or poor, or merely represent a few people but not all. In addition, granted the groups of people are represented, perhaps the participants of the survey are not the consumers going to buy their cheese. Their preference does not directly influence the sell performance. Last but not least, the arguer fails to convince us whether the survey is justified. We could not exclude the subscribers who prefer imported cheeses forget to send the report back, or the people who indeed love the imported ones do not subscribe the magazine at all.

Finally, the advantage of domestic cheeses over imported ones in selling can not pledge an increasing profit in all stores by stopping stocking many of varieties of imported cheeses. The arguer fails to take into account other possible facts can promote the profits of the product which do not solely rely on the amount of selling, as the costs, the prices and the preference. Therefore, it is entire possible that the costs of domestic cheese are much bigger than imported ones because of more expense on advertisement, or it is equally possible that the prices of the domestic cheeses are low because of fierce competition. This may lead to domestic cheeses a much smaller profit margin than imported cheeses. If so, the profits of imported cheese will reduce to zero, if the company decides to stop stock it. Then the overall profits of stores may be reduced even the domestic cheeses experience a sharp increasing in the coming year.

To sum up, the arguer advocates a hasty conclusion, which neither to anatomize the valid of the survey, nor consider the representation of the newest stores’ experiences. A hasty decision will lead to lots of flaws which is harmful to a company’s developing.

polly681119UID: 2543070

In the memo, the president advocates that all of their stores should discontinue stocking imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. To substantiate the conclusion, the arguer points out that at their newest store, the best-selling cheeses were all domestic cheddar cheeses. Meanwhile, the arguer also cites the recent survey by Cheeses of the world magazine which indicated that more and more subscribers prefer the domestic cheeses to imported ones. A careful examination of this argument would reveal (个人觉着用reveals好点)how groundless the conclusion is.

In the first place, the fact that at their newest store the five best-selling cheeses last year were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin can not prove that the customers prefer domestic cheeses to imported ones. On one hand, as a chain store with branches spread all over the US, the situation of newest store can not represent the stores all（改为the overall stores 如何？）. It is entirely possible that in the other stores, the imported cheeses have a better selling than the domestic ones. It is equally possible that the newest stores’  five best selling domestic cheddar cheeses were all on sale last year,（这两句“it is possible that ……”句式重复，建议改用perhaps……perhaps……） which will not last long. On the other hand, granted that the newest store can represent the selling of all the stores in US, we can not ensure that the domestic cheeses are preferred to imported ones. It is possible that the selling of last year is just an aberration, and in the coming years and before the imported cheeses have a better selling.（这一句语法有点错误，可以改成while in the other years the imported cheeses kept a better-selling than domestic ones.） The trend may be that the imported cheeses will be selling better in the next year according to the trend of past several years even though domestic cheeses have a better performance in the last year.  

In the second place, for lack of validity, the result of the survey could not lend strong support to the arguer’s claim. First of all, in the absence of the data concerning the total amount of the subscribers of the magazine, the reliability of the results of the survey is open to doubt. It is entire possible that the subscribers of the magazine are extremely rich or poor, or merely represent a few people but not all. In addition, granted the groups of people are represented(representive), perhaps the participants of the survey are not the consumers going to buy their cheese. Their preference does not directly influence the sell performance. Last but not least, the arguer fails to convince us whether the survey is justified. We could not exclude the subscribers who prefer imported cheeses forget to send the report back, or the people who indeed love the imported ones do not subscribe the magazine at all.

Finally, the advantage of domestic cheeses over imported ones in selling can not pledge an increasing profit in all stores by stopping stocking many of varieties of imported cheeses. The arguer fails to take into account(加个that好点) other possible facts can promote the profits of the product which do not(but not) solely rely on the amount of selling, as the costs, the prices and the preference. Therefore, it is entire(entirely) possible that the costs of domestic cheese are much bigger (higher)than imported ones because of more expense on advertisement, or it is equally possible that the prices of the domestic cheeses are low because of fierce competition. This may lead to domestic cheeses a much smaller profit margin than imported cheeses. If so, the profits of imported cheese will reduce(be reduced) to zero, if the company decides to stop stock (stocking)it. Then the overall profits of stores may be reduced even the domestic cheeses experience a sharp increasing in the coming year.（这一段作业作者想表达的意思是不是说domestic cheeses尽管销量好但是不一定会有很大利润，因为arguer可能忽视了一点：domestic cheeses可能会因为广告而成本高，并且因为竞争导致价格低，我认为这样说的话会有问题，因为作者没说imported cheeses可能也存在这样的问题呢，所以我感觉可以直接说imported cheeses尽管销量低，但或许它的利润并不比domestic cheeses低，而不用再说为什么它的利润会高了）

To sum up, the arguer advocates a hasty conclusion, which neither to anatomize the valid of the survey, nor consider the representation of the newest stores’ experiences. （这一句感觉语法有点问题，但是我还不确定改怎么改好一点，建议作者换一种说法来表达这个意思。）A hasty decision will lead to lots of flaws which is harmful to a company’s developing.（结尾段可以再充实一下，具体写法可以参照北美的模式，想to bolster his conclusion, he should provide…… to better access is , the author should ……）

非常抱歉，因为马上就考试了，这两天比较忙，一直没来给你改作文……
感觉你的argument写的很充实，找的批判点很多，语言发面有待提高，建议作者总结下北美里的一些套话，不仅能使文章句式多样，而且还能避免很多中式英语的现象。