希望Romanus 狠拍

superzhuboUID：2512118

students should take teh history course no matter what field they study in.
希望Romanus 狠拍


There is no consensus about the issue that whether the college students should take the history course no matter what field they study in. Some people think history courses would help the college students broaden their horizon, improve their ability in writing and reading, and learn some lessons to avoid making the same mistakes later, while others strongly disapprove because the history course seems to be meaningless and just a waste of time for the students who do not specialize in this subject. From my point of view, the college students should take the history course due to numerous benefits it brings about.

First of all, reading lots of book and taking notes are mostly required to complete the history course, from which the students' ability in reading and writing would be greatly improved.  When I was in college, history was a compulsory course for all the students. What’s more, our teacher asked us to read at least one book concerning the textbook within a week and write down the outline. Furthermore, we had to make a monthly presentation to report what we had learned during this period, not to mention the assignment after class. It was a period of critical challenge for me in the college time; however, I definitely made a tremendous progress in the writing and reading.  Thanks to the history course, I would be more qualified for the jobs demanding in writing and reading.

Moreover, history would guide us to be on the right track in most of the time. As an old saying goes in China, "History works as a mirror to help us behave ourselves." Numerous personal and social tragedies happened before surely enable us to avoid making the same mistakes again. For example, "Cultural Revolution" took place in 1960s in China led to catastrophic and widespread destructions. Millions of people died in the famine, and more people were subject to homelessness, coldness and political oppression. It could not occur again in China because we truly understand and could not stand once more the disastrous consequences of this meaningless revolution. Thus, history course does tell us a variety of stories in the past time, from which we indeed benefit much and learn our lessons.

In conclusion, history would be advantageous for us, both students specialized or not specialized in history, in that it advances our ability in reading and writing which is crucial for our career development, and deepens our understanding of historical events which work as lesson to warn us not to commit the same mistakes again.


[ 本帖最后由 superzhubo 于 2008-11-14 14:42 编辑 ]

mpromanusUID：2565872

There is no consensus about the issue that whether the college students should take the a history course no matter what field they study in. Some people think history courses would help the college students broaden their horizons, improve their abilities in writing and reading, and learn some lessons to avoid making the same mistakes later, while others strongly disapprove because the a history course seems to be meaningless and just a waste of time for the students who do not specialize in this subject. From my point of view, the college students should take the a history course due to the numerous benefits it brings about.

First of all, reading lots of books and taking notes are mostly (不是很确定你用mostly想表达什么，是likely吧) required to complete the a history course, from which the students' abilities in reading and writing would be greatly improved.  When I was in college, history was a compulsory course for all the students (Wow. Which college is that?). What’s more, our teacher asked us to read at least one book concerning related to the textbook within a week (of what? Finishing a chapter of the textbook? Finishing the whole textbook?) and write down the outline (of the extra book?). Furthermore, we had to make a monthly presentation to report what we had learned during this period, not to mention the assignments after class. It was a period of critical challenge for me in the college time; however, I definitely made a tremendous progress in the writing and reading.  Thanks to the history course, I would be more qualified for the jobs which are demanding in writing and reading (所以如果你不找读写要求高的工作，历史课就没用了是吗..这就是典型的越描越黑..).

Moreover, history would guide us to be on the right track in most of the time (又是疑似越描越黑..). As an old saying goes in China, "History works as a mirror to help us behave ourselves." (俺记得原话是 以史为镜 可以知兴替 是吧..)Numerous personal and social tragedies that happened before surely enable us to avoid making the same mistakes again. For example, "The Cultural Revolution" which took place in 1960s in China led to catastrophic and widespread destructions. Millions of people died in the famine, and more people were subject to homelessness, coldness (This is not the word to describe 冷酷. You may want to use something like 'merrcilessness' or 'apathy' or simply 'cruelty') and political oppression (首先，谈论政治性话题通常不讨好. 再则，请不要把文化大革命和大跃进/三年困难时期混为一谈..I mean no offence but please please if you are going to talk about your own country's history, get your facts right - especially such sensitive facts.). It could not occur again in China because we truly understand and could not stand once more the disastrous consequences of this meaningless revolution. Thus, history course does tell us a variety of stories in from the past time (past time和past是有不同意思的，不能混用), from which we indeed benefit much and learn our lessons.

In conclusion, history would be advantageous for us, both students specialized or not specialized in history, in that it advances our abilities in reading and writing which is crucial for our career development (这一点只在那一段的结尾出现了一次，并没有得到充分的论证，不是很让人信服) , and deepens our understanding of historical events which work as lessons to warn us not to commit the same mistakes again.

总结：

语法、词汇、逻辑方面基本问题不多，主要的是论证不够坚决有力能让人信服。相信一半是由于习惯不把话说死，一半是由于有些提出的新论点没能得到展开。请小心处理你的论点，所有在最后一段里要出现的关键字都应该在行文中得到充分的论述。如果有哪个方面没有展开，会让读者有很突兀的感觉。

superzhuboUID：2512118

首先谢谢 mpromanus 的批改。
我有几个问题，
1.First of all, reading lots of books and taking notes are mostly (不是很确定你用mostly想表达什么，是likely吧) required to complete the a history course,这里的mostly 我想表达的是“通常情况下，大多数情况下”,我觉得用“mostly, usually, often, commonly" 都可以的，但是likely的语气似乎更弱。
2. When I was in college, history was a compulsory course for all the students (Wow. Which college is that?). 我觉得ETS出这个题目的用意就是说 历史作为一门课程，对于非专业的学生也有学习的价值（在一定程度上），我虚构一下，有没有什么问题啊？
3.our teacher asked us to read at least one book concerning related to the textbook within a week (of what? Finishing a chapter of the textbook? Finishing the whole textbook?) and write down the outline (of the extra book?). 我想表达老师要求每周至少要读一本和课本任何章节有关的课外书，然后做笔记列纲要。（我们高中就是这么学语文的）
  concerning 和related to 这里不可以换用？
4. I would be more qualified for the jobs which are demanding in writing and reading (所以如果你不找读写要求高的工作，历史课就没用了是吗..这就是典型的越描越黑..)。
我觉得人在读写方面的提高一定会对未来的发展有用，可能我应该换种说法，这样还可以和文尾照应。
I would be more competent for work which is demanding in writing and reading, and therefore promotes my career development in the future.
5.Millions of people died in the famine, and more people were subject to homelessness, coldness (This is not the word to describe 冷酷. You may want to use something like 'merrcilessness' or 'apathy' or simply 'cruelty') and political oppression. 这里的coldness 指的是严寒，寒冷 chilliness.
6. in the past time 和in the past 是一样的意思吧，past 在前者中作adj，在后者中作noun，不知你的观点？

最后再次谢谢mpromanus对广大t友的贡献！salute you！

[ 本帖最后由 superzhubo 于 2008-11-16 10:07 编辑 ]

mpromanusUID：2565872

1. 'usually' or 'commonly' is a better word here. Mostly是一个描述possibility的词而不是一个描述普遍现象的词，用的时候通常带着否义的潜台词，比如This is mostly good, 潜台词是but it has small deficiencies.

2. 虚构没有什么问题，但是明显能让人看出来是虚构的虚构就有问题啦~美国似乎也没有要求全部学生修历史课的大学吧，更别说如果真正实行的话是不是还要分本国史世界史中古史近代史，还有安排师资教室时间的问题，一个generic的所有人可以读的内容一样的历史课绝对不会有大学程度的深度，所以虽然一所综合性大学全校修历史听起来很不错，但实际上on the second thought就让人觉得基本不可能了 - 除非你的college人口超级少。。

3. 这句话的主要问题是话没说清楚，参见俺补完的那些. 你要的那句话应该是用every week而不是within a week，within需要一个specific的时间点。

一本书concerning something的意思是这本书的内容是关于那个something的，e.g. a novel concerning dragons. 你的课外阅读应该不是关于 课本 的吧（虽然中文这么说能让人理解，但其实是个病句），应该是关于 课本上的内容 的，所以你要用concern也得用concerning the contents of the textbook.

4. 这里的问题是你一再特别指出那些 需要很好的读写能力 的工作，所以很容易有潜台词 我将来如果碰不到这种工作，我就不会more competent. 实际上你的论点是 读写能力提高对工作 - generic的工作 - 都有用，所以你描述工作的时候也要be generic，你需要描述的是 你的读写能力会让你更好地应付工作中需要读写能力的部分所以总体对工作的应付能力就会提高。

5. 如果是说天气，直接用the cold即可。coldness的context一般是描述感情方面的 冷。chill的用法类似，一般不会用chilliness作名词，因为chill本身已经是描述 冻 的名词。

6. 这里是因为past-time是一个词，意思是 闲暇的爱好，所以一般不用容易混淆的the past time来表示 过去。你可以用，但是会感觉很拗口。如果描述 过去，除了直接the past，可以用the past times (复数) 或者 the time past.

devilwingUID：2505617

是不是只要将作文贴出来mpromanus 就会帮着改改？我觉得我现在逻辑性相当差 经常找不出合理的论点 能不能请mpromanus 改一下？:)