考完托福了，跟大家分享一下有帮助的网站（响应版主号召，本帖现在开始为大家改作文）

xbdd1125UID: 2295727

谢谢分享~

xlwxxyUID: 2568970

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1
谢谢

james011137UID: 2280989

原帖由 腾格里旅狼 于 2009-1-3 10:33 发表
重申不该语法……
1，你的句子长短很好，虽然也有一些长句子过多的嫌疑，但是还是可以原谅的，尤其是第二段，长短很和谐。
2，你的文章我不是很喜欢，唯一的亮点可能就是用了一些很少见的词，词语的重复不多， ...

谢谢LZ的点评

hippoieUID: 2571171

Due to the Industrialization, economy has seen its massive growth. This abrupt change also accompanies with several negative problems. Thus, this widely debated question has been raised as to should government focus more on the preserves to natural environment than economic development. Some indicate their supportive view for the economic development since it has an direct influence on people's living in interests. While in my perspective, the natural environment definitely should be more stressed concerning the following points.
To begin with, the condition of our natural environment is not optimistic. The natural surroundings have already been severely damaged as a subsequent impact of the over growth of economy. Farm lands are replace by broad range of estates. Natural forests are eliminated to supplement the lack of wood. Clear water resources are also contaminated by the pollutions poured out by industrial factories. It is evident that our natural environment is becoming increasingly harsh. Such consequences emerge as an absence of people's drinking water, less production of vegetable and animal flesh. If government don't reply to this worsen situation, it may lead to more serious problems like global warming or desertification threatening human being. Therefore, it is reasonable to emphasize on the natural preservation.
In addition, nature preservation contributes to the future economic growth. Government used to chase for the substantial growth of economy regardless of the limitation of natural resources. However, natural resources are the very key basis of the economy increase. Without massive resources to provide the raw materials of the industry produce, none can be achieved to reach the goal of economy increase. However a good conservation of the natural resources results in a continuous supply of producing materials. Thus, the national production will see a suitable trend of increase. The economy will reap benefit in a future perspective.
  Admittedly, government’s attention on the economy promotion is considered to be acceptable. However, the significance of natural preservation weighs more concerning the current situation and their influence on the future economy growth. Under this circumstance, government should stress more on the natural environmental preserve.

谢谢！！！！！！！1

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

我不改链接，又需要修改的作文发上来

阿泰UID: 209473

【12月-1月IBT综合备考大帖】之【TWE作文】Chineselady12.31号作业


Due to the development of automobile in recent two decades in China, transportation has been improved definitely. In last century of China, there were even not as many as buses in busy hours, thus people at that time had to wait for quite a long time in bus stations. However, things changed presently since different kinds of transportations have appeared besides more buses. But public transportation is one of facilities that service citizens, therefore, the view of paying it should be supported
First of all, those public transportations need finance to be utilized and also need fixing when they are not available to be used. All situations should be completed by financial aid. If no one paid for that facility, it will be hard to have that service in the city, thus government has to spend more money on it. But they may provide more benefits for the poor or foster orphanages through that money. People pay the public transportation is another method to gain development for society. For instance, the out of dated style and dirty buses will not give tourists active impression. Especially during the period of Beijing Olympic Game in 2008, there were lots of new buses with two televisions, information boards in both English and Chinese. The modern city construction represents the level of development of one area. Therefore, the citizens should pay it as it belongs to helping that city gain improvement.

Furthermore, financial support on public transportation could help to reduce the budget of government and some of money can be adopted in another field, such as having a public training school for middle-aged group. On the other hand, people will not treasure those public transportation if use for free. For the reason is that they may consider the transportation is managed by government, then will not have the sense of responsibility to public facilities as well as decrease their feelings to the city they live in.

In conclusion, citizens should pay for public transportation because it brings convenience for people’s trips through the city. Therefore, it is reasonable for those to be responsible for the transportation.

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

文章总体还好，我说的毛病你都避免了，虽然还有一些毛病，但都是一些小毛病了，比较明显的缺陷你已经都改正了。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

斑竹发题目上来

阿泰UID: 209473

我也不太记得了

你好好改

改多了我给你争取个勋章

我那时候改作文改了88篇呢:o

james011137UID: 2280989

狼您有空的话，再帮我看下:loveliness: :loveliness: :loveliness:

Topic: Teachers should be paid according to the performance of their students.

Educational field is always debating on the issue that how to paid for teachers. Although extreme, someone clamis that the students' performance determine the salary of teachers. In my opinion, I partly agree with this point meanwhile some other factors should not be ignored.

First of all, the performance of students should play a vital role in the evaluate system of teachers. The captain of my university once said: "Teachers is someone who can teach students with professional knowledge and induce them to a right direction in their road to pursue success.” Therefore, if one's students can not solve basic problems in his field or something else, hardly can we say that he or she is a competent teacher. Furthermore, take my own experience for example. In every period of my school years, these teachers whose students have very good performance are definitely high-qualified (qualified) teachers. They are more experienced and always have a lot of methods due to different type of students. Accordingly, it is not odd and strange that teachers be paid according to the performance of their students.

Nevertheless, the single criteria may cause some problems as well. For higher salaries, the teachers probably make every effort to improve students' performance, which can attribute to horrible results that those teachers ignore some cultivation of core abilities such as communication skills with other people and so forth. Although extreme, the students we cultivated might be someone who only can deal with exams and lack capacity to solve practical problems. Accordingly, some other factors would be considered to determine the teacher's salaries. One of the most important aspects is the academic (academic) ability of a teacher. A teacher who is top in his field always have amazing ability in critical thinking, which is conducive to his students further academic development.  Likewise, other factors such as communication skills, whether patient toward their student and so on should not be ignored.

To sum up, in my opinion, a comprehensive evaluate system which should give priority to the performance of their students is necessary and relatively objective. If not, our educational system would lose objection in its initial incentive--salaries to the teachers who make great contribution to our society.   

hippoieUID: 2571171

Universities serve as a critical component for cultivating professional. Under this circumstance, it raises the question that should university open up challenging courses for students. Some claim their favored view for the challenging course since it can develop students' ability. In my perspective, this is definitely not a wise decision concerning its actual impact on students' learning.
  To begin with, challenging courses are not the major content of college learning. University is responsible for opening basic courses of each major. It is reasonable that the challenging courses are supposed to develop students' integrating skills. However, Universities should give the first concern to the fundamental courses, acquiring the students' basic knowledge relating to their majors. Only if they perfectly accomplish their professional studies can they really grasp the nature information of their major knowledge, promote the genuine professional skills and build up a strong base of their future study.  Thus the origin goal of universities is really achieved.
  Put it in another view, too much challenging courses are the burden of students. Such courses, of course, call for students to focus more on what teachers impart in the class, spending more spare time doing research to get a project done and review more studying materials to absorb the challenging knowledge. In this case, part of the students' common leisure will be occupied. Additionally, the awareness of the difficulty to get a passing grade or ever high marks makes students more stressed and intensive before their exams.  This will result in a less prepared work of exams and less better performance in the exam. Therefore, it is evident that challenging courses will not receive a warm welcome from students.
Admittedly, universities' endeavor of challenging course to develop students’ ability is reasonable. The weakness of becoming the students' burden absolutely should be given more consideration. Under this condition, universities have better give up this plan and focus more on basic courses.

谢谢楼主！！！

[ 本帖最后由 hippoie 于 2009-1-4 23:01 编辑 ]

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

版主，我不改语法，你再不给我个题目……这作文没法改啊……:handshake

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

1，中国人写作文有个通病，就是不喜欢标明出处，如果你写你大学的校训我不反对，但要注明这个校训的出处，至少要写出来大学名称。比如： ”I have a dream"(Martin, Qinghua Univeristy) 当然，这只是一个例子。只是希望告诉你，不要忘记写出处。
2，第二段的例子举得很不错，个人的真实例子永远都是最好的例证。
3，第三段的例证写的有一些分散，虽然你阐明了道理。你要集中与一个方面重点说明，而不是罗列出来，第三段的前半部分如果能在扩展协议下最好，你却用了将近一般的段落列举另外需要考虑的方面。
总体来讲你的这一篇文章比你的前一篇文章有很大提高，别的不说，就是从论述方面就有不晓得进步，我不清楚的别的文章怎么样，如果你的大部分文章都和这一片相同，你上一篇就只能叫失误了，希望你能在考试中避免。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

不知道为什么，我看了你的文章后居然认为学校应该开设challenge course,而你的文章中却明确表示”In my perspective, this is definitely not a wise decision concerning its actual impact on students' learning."
1，你的文章依然没有避免我在第一次给你改作文中提出的缺点。长句子依然很多，你看看这一句”Such courses, of course, call for students to focus more on what teachers impart in the class, spending more spare time doing research to get a project done and review more studying materials to absorb the challenging knowledge. " 这句话都差不多能比的上你第一段话了，这到底是句子还是端子？
2，文章论述不明确。既然你不打算从两方面来写这个题目，那你索性就一点也不要扯。如果你想表示你思考的两面性，就稍微展开写一下。比如你第二段话中有一句：” It is reasonable that the challenging courses are supposed to develop students' integrating skills“ 如果你想写，就把这句话展开写一下，如果不想写另一面，所幸就不要在文章中提到。

我已经看过你三篇文章了，第一篇没谢点评。三篇文章应该能够反映你的综合能力。你现在可以停止练习了，仔细看一下你的文章和我的评论。认真的总结以下。大量的练习是针对那些已经能够很好把握托福写作的人。你现在首要目标是正确的理解托福作文，能够正确的围绕你的中心句来写。我花20-30分钟给你平一片作文，却发现你第二天发上来的根本就没有改变……伤心啊……

以上纯属个人建议，如果你发到这里我还是会给你认真修改的。

hippoieUID: 2571171

谢谢楼主！！！！
认真思考。。。。。