考完托福了，跟大家分享一下有帮助的网站（响应版主号召，本帖现在开始为大家改作文）

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

……怎么又扯回去了，前面写的还挺好的，结果后面有成“和我最好的小朋友玩”，又重新由大人变回小孩……无语啊……
但是总体来讲还是写得很不错的，尤其是最后写的和祖父钓鱼的例子，堪称“例子中的战斗机”。
虽然我不该语法，但是有句话还是想提一下“ I become easier to be angry and a little tired of current life.”这个最好不要用比较级，比较级在这里是强调你本来就很容易生气，现在更容易生气，但是看过你文章以后发现，你显然不是这个意思。所以在这里你可以写成，It is easy for being angry.这样就表达出你的意思了。否则容易被误认为有暴力倾向。
By the way,昨天才看个电影“怪物杀手”，那个男主角就有暴力倾向，十分可怕啊……

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

综合写作啊，你至少要把你的听力文章大意和阅读材料发上来，要不然实在没办法改啊……:handshake
BTW：你真打算写那个例子……？;)

阿泰UID: 209473

给你加精华了，加油加油:victory:

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

看了你的文章，对你的写作风格有印象，于是翻了前面改过的作文，果然有你的，但是是版主代发的。这篇文章和上一篇的水平不是在一个档次的，比上篇文章的一二段差好多，但是又比剩下的段子强了一点……莫非你在故意追求平衡？
1，上来第一段第一句话就是一个超过20字的超级无敌长句子，看的我直晕。以后尽量在文章中间写长句子，第一句话尽量简单明了的标明中心立意。
2，一直都是从一个方面来写的文章，没有体现你的思考全面性，虽然你可以这样写，但是前提是要能够把道理论述清楚。如你上一篇文章的第二段一样。但是你看一下你这篇文章的第二段。作文的题目是问“学校应不应该开展挑战课程。你却在第二段毫无头绪的写了一句”在开设课程前应该做调查“。我是不是可以理解为你认为开设挑战课程是可以的，但是需要做调查？这样有些偏题啊。
3，第二段中你给了英语口语的离子，相当离谱。为什么学了英语口语就要做口头报告？你希望用这句话强调什么“Also, they may not be interested in oral presentation even in Chinese.”？第二段看完以后我只能说：这个段子完全失败……
4，第三段我不想讲了，基本和第二段的情况一样。但是有一点需要提出来，应该会对你写文章有用”尽量不要在文章中提出新的概念。“英语一门很缜密的语言，每个概念都要求很完善的阐述。以你现在的水平显然没办法做到，比如”practical curriculum“。你根本就没有给这个词组一个很详细的解释。比如，你凭什么说挑战性课程不是practical curriculum？你凭什么说挑战课程不能够对未来工作学习产生有益影响？
总体：这篇文章写的非常不好，虽然比上一篇文章的最后几段略有提高，但是文章逻辑混乱，和第一篇文章的1，2相去太远。希望再发文章能够吸取第一篇文章1，2短的精华，摒弃后几段的糟粕……

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

阿泰啊，版主哈，不过你说这是为什么？难道要威胁我！:rolleyes: :eek: :cool: ;d:

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

看到了。老大昨天哪里去了？坛子里面没见你啊:handshake

阿泰UID: 209473

昨天忙学校的事情，给本科生考研辅导，忙了一天，累坏了:rolleyes:

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

开始就想发个帖子汇报一下寄托，结果现在居然给弄成精华了，呵呵。

阿泰UID: 209473

:rolleyes: 不就是你天天哭着喊着给加精吗

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

呵呵，开始是说笑的，我知道精华没那么好弄。

阿泰UID: 209473

好好改吧


改作文可是提高英语水平很重要的途径

chineseladyUID: 2403976

Extended family is not as important as it was in the past.

Since the social structures have been changing due to development of industry and economy, humans’ life and careers become different from decades ago. Especially in China, the living condition has been improved a lot after reformation policy, which brings another family pattern, the nuclear families. Therefore, I tend to assume that extended family is not as important as before because that structure of family almost disappeared in modern society.

First of all, under the working competition and rapid developing society, young generation is easier to move out to pursue their dreams. It is easy for young generation to move out to pursue their dreams. The new structure model of去掉 working system provides both opportunities and stress for diligent people. Lifetime work position is not available does not exist any more except being a professor. So it is unreasonable for those to keep a group of family members following them even if except their they have spouses, which But it belongs to nuclear family. For instance, when young people just graduated from university, he/she has to face to a new working environment and cooperation with co-workers. Being a green hand anywhere, changing job positions may become the primary issue need completing. That is an unstable situation for many young people in modern society. Their parents’ generation who prefer working in the same place with whole life will criticize them on job jumping. The different views between two generations will not bring agreement on this point, thus lead to frustration in to the family.

Currently, young people have desire to show their independence and distinctive personalities. Living with parents and grandparents will limit them in many ways. Also, some advanced people have their activities, such as doing exercise and developing new hobbies. Like my grandparents, they live by themselves and have their living styles. They choose to live separating from descendent because it will be pretty inconvenient to live with other family members and will bring other troubles due to older people getting up in earlier time of the day. Distinct living habitats cannot reach harmony for a family.

Finally, both young and old generation’s mind has changed due to the different structure between modern living styles and the one many decades ago. That makes people have their life based on personal characters instead of living together as a big family.

chineseladyUID: 2403976

狼啊：蓝色的我自己改了点都是不要的。你辛苦了，一定吸取教训:eek: :)  我提阿泰因为他推荐了你好几次，找你挺不容易:cool:

偷闲透气UID: 2148172

谢谢～你的意见很有帮助。我现在的状态就是在收集例子，经常看到一个题目，脑袋就down 掉。。
另外，ACTUALLY, I AM A GIRL AND HAS NO VIOLENCE TENDENCY.:loveliness:

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

真是，我天天都在线，居然说找我挺不容易的……我这叫一个汗啊