今天这一篇SAT essay, 能得几个铜板？

topgoerUID: 2563731

Prompt:
“A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.”
Alexander Pope
; g4 n! V9 C+ R8 I' I
Assignment:
- V/ ]1 v" d6 I, N3 BDo we learn more from finding out that we have made mistakes or from our successful actions? Plan your response...
+ w. n1 O. N0 K, m
4 C/ E2 D' a) R  o5 ~! H
- P% g; q! p$ C% V/ C) q$ OTo err is human, so everyone makes mistakes. We err every now and then, while success only comes once in a blue moon. I admit that mistakes are easily committed while success is hard to attain. True success only comes after several attempts of failure and making mistakes and really learning from their way surpasses learning from little successful actions.

+ l4 ?9 m, A: I* x) m5 EThe hard part is, finding out our mistakes and truly realizing where we go wrong. As bulls cannot see their horns, being able to look back and renew our mistakes is a respectable feat. All mortals have self esteem and will be in denial of their mistakes. Although this is the innate nature of man, to self-reflect is a positive choice that we can make. Being able to turn destructive errors into a constructive lesson is what we should strive for. First we will be able to put off our ego and reflect upon our mistakes, learning the hard way is definitely a viable option. There are several examples from famous people that proves this point, where they are able to own up to mistakes, reflect and learn, and finally making a successful comeback.
) i7 r4 V6 Y) M
& s- T: Q$ U+ W: v; c: s- G# @/ UEven the greatest man, no matter in which field, commits mistakes. Those who learn quickly from mistake always surprise the world with great successes. In the scientific field, we have the greatest inventor Edison who is deemed to be mentally impaired when young. However, he is the one man who can harness so much learning experience from failed experiments and mistakes made, achieving success that few scientists can surpass. In business, there are lots of American businessmen that come back even greater by learning from mistakes. Examples would be the Rothschild and Morgan legacies. Even when America faced several panics in the 19th century, these legends continued generation after generation. As business got struck by economic recession, these legacies never fell, as they were sure to learn from failed experiences.

Success do not come as easily as we think, so letting go of our ego as the way to go, learning from mistakes is the fastest and most effective to gain valuable experience.

topgoerUID: 2563731

Prompt:
“Independence? That’s middle class blasphemy. We are all dependent on one another, every soul of us on earth.” Bernard Shaw expected to provoke controversy with these words, but I would agree with him that these days there is too much emphasis on independence. While it is certainly true that excessive dependence on others is not a sign of maturity, total independence of others is neither attainable nor desirable: we need to be mature, and unselfish enough to recognize our interdependence.
' T) m0 B; {; [0 y2 N4 G0 Q1 f
! [$ {# b* n2 Y  CAssignment:
Do we put too much emphasis on self-reliance and independence, and are we afraid of admitting that we need other people in our lives? Plan your response...


* e) m, N1 J! g# F/ f, kSelf-reliance is important and personal benefits are hard to neglect, but this age that we are living in requires much more interdependence and cooperation. It is simple fact that for bigger things to happen, we can rarely solo. Those who solo and reject cooperation will surely find their work tedious. Thus, I agree with the prompt and strongly feel that we do need constructive help from others.
5 M6 `1 b  C9 H4 w4 {- p
& ?8 I0 }7 M2 [: [( MAlthough it is human nature to seek self-independence and reliance. We can never neglect others who helped in one way or another. We will surely find the task more enjoyable if a strong bond exists between members and just with a little cooperation, big things get accomplished. This applies to both school and work life. The admission of others into our school life plays a vital part to our success. For example, allowing the help of teacher and friends in our school work and project work, definitely enable us to achieve more. Though I do see smart guys who claim to solo the project and even win overall champion in Grand Finals of Project Competition. I can bet with all my chips, that there are significant mentors working behind the scene, sharing his burden. Our school’s motto is win-win, which promotes effective cooperation and interdependence between students in their school life. This is a basic principle, as no man is on island, and even on island has trees for the man.

Even in the workplace, where man relies on their own power to earn their living, isolation can never work. For the basic structure of a company to exist, good cooperation between colleagues must exist. Imagine a place where everyone isolates themselves, anything will not happen. Achieving self-reliance, self-esteem and independence is just like the hardware, while other software such as friends, family and colleagues are required and need to be well linked to our basic infrastructure. For many of us teenagers who play games, we rarely look for games that only provide one man solo everything gaming experience. Those great online games that provide great content and admit other characters into our team to achieve objectives are the games that hit the market.
7 `, [  W* e$ L5 F3 R' F
* L! Q# i& T# R  G8 c5 c: WAlthough we should take care of ourselves all the time, this do not mean that we can ever forget about others, For things to happen, isolation is the path to failure, interdependence is the way to go.

gsylanceUID: 2422506

第一篇有点跑题，４分吧
: s9 L  P% c  p第二篇挺好，５－６分
最好再有些例子，少用/不用俚语。

topgoerUID: 2563731

谢谢，一下子给了我将近10个铜板
0 b: f8 F  O( i: K/ C鞠躬！

深海lavenderUID: 2350207

第一篇,最多4分,和上次那个问题差不多哦~跑题,例子用的不对,还有语言问题.另外说一点,写SAT作文,以例子为重心,全面解剖例子,用例子来阐述自己的观点,而不是先说一堆,再草草扔个例子出来.另外,别说教.这个很重要.还有,同意三楼的,这种正式文体,不要用俚语,并且如果觉得自己长句子讲不清楚,就分开用简单句,一味求长句,只会减分.
第二篇,跑题的问题解决了,不过其他问题照样存在.4-5分的样子吧...

topgoerUID: 2563731

Thanks for your comments and advice. I just started working on SAT this month, still getting used to the style and demands of the essay. In my high school, our essay format is different. First, we write our thesis statement, supported by evidence and elaboration. The main difference is that we always state our examples at the end of the paragraph, to support and sum up our viewpoint. I am usually slow at introduction, so 25 minutes is quite a tight timeframe; my school's essays are all 45-60min. Nevertheless, your advice is noted, still working towards improvement.