HERETIC小组-12.2-niuniudragon

niuniu_dragonUID: 2134273

When my family decided to move to another city as my eldest brother started his career and get married in that city, we never thought we would on the front of an international trend. As a graduate student staying remotely, I could hardly figure out the change in my life unless I went back to the brand new and totally strange city, where there's no connection to my old life. The disadvantages of this move is ambiguous but I do envy these friends who can live in a extended family with his or her grandparents and all of the aunts and uncles, not to mention the cousins, who will make the holiday easier to pass. In the past, traveling around or moving to another city was to some extend impossible because the family had already put down roots in the community and the whole ready-made social connections make it difficult to leave. The family with several generations may has such a powerful influence over the city's policy and economy that destiny of new generation would be set down the moment they born. Although the nuclear family maybe more flexible to the social revolution and can make a decision more quickly, I still hold the opinion that extended family will benefit both the inner structure and the outer social.
When a new-wedded couple starts their career and social life in the neighborhood, their background will play a huge part in the procedure. It can not be annoyed that an extended family will provide more information and supports practically.
The family has provided an individual environment to grow his or her world outlook and value perspective; furthermore, it is the emotional shelter for its every member. The relationship between parents and their children is the most basically human mental connection which exits from ancient times and will continuously impact the entire world. However, the emotion concentration from the grand generation has another significant function in the family. They are more experienced, more rational, and more wise and they care about grandchildren in a way utter differ from the way their parents do. The teenagers grow from such an extended family benefiting both from their parents and grandparents will end up with more healthy characters and will learn how to get along with others in tolerant way.
Conclusively, an extended family will benefit the individual's career future and character and this kind of family template will hold its thrilling victory in the future.

jimibtUID: 2560923

When my family decided to move to another city as my eldest brother started his career and get married in that city, we never thought we would on the front of an international trend（？什么international trend）. As a graduate student staying remotely, I could hardly figure out the change in my life unless I went back to the brand new and totally strange city, where there's no connection to my old life. The disadvantages of this move is ambiguous but I do envy these friends who can live in a extended family with his or her grandparents and all of the aunts and uncles, not to mention the cousins, who will make the holiday easier to pass.(觉得表达，用词极佳，向楼主学习！)(觉得一个不足之处在于全文的中心句在哪？即要提出的核心观点在哪)，而上一句envy ..这句话太具体了，以致于我认为不能成为中心句)

In the past, traveling（觉得这个travel放在这不太妥，改为move around or settle to ） around or moving to another city was to some extend impossible because the family had already put down roots in the community and the whole ready-made social connections make it difficult to leave. The family with several generations may has such a powerful influence over the city's policy and economy that destiny of new generation would be set down (at)the moment （when）they born. Although the nuclear family maybe(may be) more flexible to the social revolution and can make a decision more quickly, I still hold the opinion that extended family will benefit both the inner structure and the outer social.When a new-wedded couple starts their career and social life in the neighborhood, their background will play a huge part （将part改为role）in the procedure. It can not be annoyed that an extended family will provide more information and supports practically.（细节不够）

The family has provided an individual environment to grow his or her world outlook and value perspective; furthermore, it is the emotional shelter for its every member. The relationship between parents and their children is the most basically human mental connection which exits from ancient times and will continuously impact the entire world. However, the emotion concentration from the grand generation has another significant function in the family. They are more experienced, more rational, and more wise and they care about grandchildren in a way utter differ from the way their parents do. The teenagers grow from such an extended family benefiting both from their parents and grandparents will end up with more healthy characters and will learn how to get along with others in tolerant way.（表达的很好，但觉得虽然觉得讲了一些细节，但是还是不够细，时间？地点？具体的事？）

Conclusively, an extended family will benefit the individual's career future and character and this kind of family template will hold its thrilling（觉得改为great似乎比较好） victory in the future.

总得来说，觉得用词很perfect，表达很到位，但是觉得从develop的角度来看，多是理论，少例子，少细节。另外希望注意一下分段，否则看起来比较累。。。。