20天托福110分复习计划，由于另一个帖子楼数太高，现在本帖也开始为各位改作文

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

回复：liurui8802: 我不知道英文题目是什么，但是这是你写给我的中文题目：“应不应该占用动物土地而为人所用？” 这和“土地使用该保护动物还是为人所用”根本是两个概念……郁闷。然而就算你写第二个题目，你的文章依然证明不是很充分，没有特别提到土地和动物的联系，而只是泛泛而谈的讲了保护动物的重要性。
关于两面性的问题：你可能理解错我的意思了，我没有让你从两方面证明，而只是希望你在写一方面的同时能够稍微提一下另一方面，让考官看到你的思考全面性。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

upload your essay, i can help u check it.:lol

卧室我UID: 2615536

楼主 也不知道你现在上不上论坛了 有些问题还是一头雾水 超级菜鸟中  MSN:cranberry865@hotmail.com   希望佛光乍现 能联系上你o(∩_∩)o...

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

回复:卧室我: 我现在仍然每天都上, 有什么问题回帖给我就好了. 这段时间睡颠倒了.....所以可能晚上才能给你回贴.见谅.

阿泰UID: 209473

:lol看片子看多了？

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

有女朋友的男人.....基本上不看片子了.............
大家有作文发上来,我帮大家改改,  前'短时间给老婆死党免费上课,没时间. 现在好了,她终于考完了.....

walalaUID: 2603375

111# 腾格里旅狼
呵呵~真不好意思,来迟了,恩,LZ大人说的很对啊~
不过那除了ACTIVE LEARNING以外~关于newspaper还有什么points 呢
谢谢指点~

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

比如你可以写,便携性: 电视必须在特定地点观看, 而报纸就不用. 我很喜欢在厕所看报纸....... 你还可以写报纸可以反复阅读, 电视报一遍就过去了.呵呵,这样够了么:loveliness:

walalaUID: 2603375

恩恩~够了哈，真是感谢LZ大人哈~:D

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

不谢不谢:loveliness:

阿秦UID: 2619567

今天没分了

violetressUID: 2611683

我3月底就考了…… 发一个题目两篇作文吧，topic5，练手的第一回。请楼主帮忙看一看，谢谢！

5. A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.

First draft:（软件写的，写到最后5秒，没时间检查，有很多拼写错误……）

　　The advent of a new factory near my community would not be welcome. Although it may bring aobut economic progresses, I think it actually has little, if any, benifit for me. I would rather keep myself far away from the giant body of modern industry and live my tranquil life.
　　The factory will impair my living strand. What is the most important thing in our lives? In my view it is health. The emergence of a factory may ruin my valuable health. There will be constant waste air emmitted into the atmosphere, smog drifting in the sky. Imagine that you live in such bad enviroment , and breathe the dirty air into your lungs, will you feel like it? The factory may also pollute the river, reducing the clean water, and causing virous diseases. The noise will be always interrupting you as well. When you finally finish the whole day work and get back home, what would you think about the roaring from the factory nearby? After taking a shower and ready to bed, the disgusting noise still huants
you , can you keep yoursel happy and have a sound sleep?
　　What's more, residents living in the neibourhood would have to sacrifice thier gardens and playground for the factory site. We will not be able to possess the trees and grasses in the community. Children will lose theie
paradise where they could play around and have fun with their peers.
　　In addition to this, the factory needs more workers when it comes into operation. More people will come to my community for work. Can you endure that more cars, buses and passersby flood into the peaceful community, after you already contributing the gardens for leisure? Will you be happy when you are held up in the congested road? I suppose not.
　　The building of a factory, indeed, may have some advantages. It can upgrade the economy in the community, and have more tax contribution the governmnet . It may also increase the job position for the community residents. These merits, however, are really limited compared to the importance of our health, happiness and the valuable friendly environment. I will not be so generous to sacrifice them all.

Word Count: 364


Revised draft: (写了40分钟才写完，超时了……)

　　Would you like to be accompanied by a roaring monster day and night? Would you like to live under the shadow of high chimneys? Would you like to burry your favorite flowers dying from toxic air? If not, you will never support the idea of building a large factory near your community.
From my perspective, the factory could bring little, if any, benefit to me. Although it may have some contribution to the economy, I would never sacrifice my health and happiness for that tiny rewarding.
　　What do you consider is the most important to your life? Health! The emergence of a factory will definitely impair my health. Waste air will be constantly emitted into the atmosphere, smog drifting in the sky. Suppose you live in such a bad environment, and breathe the dirty air into your lungs every minute, will you feel like it? The noise will be always interrupting you as well. Imagine that when you finally arrive home after a tiring day, what welcomes you is the roar from the factory nearby. Will you be able to have a pleasant dinner? After taking a shower and ready to bed, you are still haunted by the disgusting noises, will you be able to have a sound sleep?
　　Besides yourself, your neighbors would suffer from the factory as well. Residents living in the community would have to sacrifice their gardens and playground for the factory site. We will not be able to appreciate the trees and grasses in the community, nor can we enjoy the fragrance from our beloved flowers. Children will lose the paradise where they could play around and have fun with their peers. What the residents lose is not only the land, but also the happiness they could possess.
　　To make matters worse, the factory needs more workers when it comes into operation. More people will come to my community for work. Can you endure that more cars, buses and people flood into the used-to-be peaceful community? Will you be happy when you are held up in the congested road? I suppose not.
　　Building a factory, indeed, might have some advantages. It can boom the community economy, and meantime make more tax contribution to the government. It may also increase the job positions for the residents. These merits, however, are really limited compared to the loss that we have to bare. For the sake of our health, happiness and friendly environment, I will strongly oppose building a large factory near my community.

Word Count: 416

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

回复网友violetress: 改之前声明一下, 我不该语法. :p
你正好发了两篇, 考虑到你快要考试了, 就给你说一下能帮你迅速提高的方法吧.
1. 你第一篇写的严重不靠谱, 第二篇写的就好很多了. 文章最大的缺点是反问句. 放眼望去满篇文章都是反问句. TOEFL考官希望看到你的见解,就是你的观点. 大篇幅的反问句不能说明你句法丰富. 反而会令考官认为你没有自己观点.
2. 举例问题,你的文章中例子内容并不少. 但都是一些范例.就是放在哪里都能用的万能例子. 给人的感觉就是没有自己的观点, 一直在泛泛而谈.解决方法就是在文章中写一些关于自己的例子.
3. 没有中心句, 以你的Revised draft第二段第一句为例: Health should be considered the most important for our lives. 这样简单明了,给考官更直观的印象.

阿泰UID: 209473

小狼，你看116楼和119楼有区别吗？

violetressUID: 2611683

谢谢！我的连篇问号果然很惊悚。谢谢建议！我再发一篇写人的吧，也请帮忙看看。正在熟悉不同题型……

Topic 91

If you could ask a famous person one question, what would you ask?
Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

"Anything is possible," goes the motto of a Chinese sportswear brand, Li Ning. The president with the homonymic name, who used to a famed gymnast, is practicing his company's slogan into his own deeds. If I were lucky enough to meet Li Ning, I hope he will tell me, how on earth did he succeed in all his careers: gymnastics, business and now charity?

Li live up to the title of "prince of gymnastics" with no doubts, for the glorious record he set in the competition has been a legend for decades. Li gained six out of seven gold medals in the World cup of Gymnastic in 1982, adding to another bronze medal. The record is never surpassed in the following years. He got more than 100 medals in his ten plus years competitions at different levels, breaking ten plus world records. Who else can achieve such fruitful awards?

Another big surprise Li created is that he led his company, which shares the same name with him, to a world giant within 20 years. Before the brand Li Ning came into being, foreign brand like Adidas, Nike and Puma occupied the market, but now Li Ning is known to every household. I like the brand because its design fit my shoes and it wears comfortable. Chinese athletes are also proud of being able to wear the clothes made my Chinese people when stand in the ceremony platform. Li's succeeded in not only brings the company wealth, but also brings the Chinese
people pride.

While making great progress in business, Li Ning has devoted himself in charity. His popularity is upgraded as his franchise shops expand, and his sponsorship extends. He sponsored many professional and public sports events for many years. Lately, Li acted as the image ambassador of World Food Programme, and has been to Africa to distribute food to the poor and the children. "Do what you want to do and is good for the society," Said Li Ning.

Li Ning, an excellent gymnast, a successful businessman, and a merciful charity performer, is turning everything he hopes to realize into real facts. What makes him so great? Persistence? Luck? I hope he can tell me his secret to success.

370 words