【12月-1月IBT综合备考活动】之【TWE写作】jackallen 12月11日作业

jackallen0714UID: 2510951

12.11日作业：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should be paid as much as doctors, lawyers, and business leaders.（07.5.19）
Recently, newspapers are broadcasting a debate focusing on teacher's income. As a respected occupation in China, some people claim that the teacher deserve decent salary and should be included into the high income group, that is to say, they should be paid as much as doctors, lawyers and business leaders. Reasonable this statement might be, it is far from throughly consideration.

People always say that the more you give, the more you receive. Applying this theory to the relationship between the salary and the occupation can give us some insight concerning the giant income gap. Before getting a job, people are demanded to receive education in schools. The tuition fee for students major in doctors, lawyers and business are the highest in the education system. It is normal that a MBA course costs tens of thousands dollars in a ordinary university. If students attend top schools for this course, the charge will be even more greater. Therefore, a high salary is necessary for students who major in those realms since they need the money to pay the loan come from considerable tuition fee.

The fact that the teacher needs less proficiency and depth in their area also contribute to their relatively low income. As we all know, school teachers, especially elementary and high school teachers, are not required to have detailed knowledge in an certain subject. They aim at spread basic knowledge and skills to students, resulting in a large number of people eligible to teach. On the other hand, occupations such as doctors require high proficiency and system training which prevent many people from participating in this job. To some extent, the large population of teachers result in the low income.

Beside, people are willing to spend money on things that can have direct and certain result. While receiving education is a process that its quality can not be easily evaluated by a standard. For doctors, the treatment of the illness and the recovery of the patients are conspicuous matter that people can perceive. It is also the same with lawyers and business leaders. In a word, lacking of perceivable outcomes leads to less recognition of the society which associate with their comparatively low wages.

Therefore, I believe teachers should not be paid as much as doctors and other high salary occupations. Their relatively low income is in proportion to their expense and the large number of qualified people. If teachers want to increase their income, they should consider becoming a professor --- the high level of teachers who enjoy decent payment.

[ 本帖最后由 jackallen0714 于 2008-12-11 12:38 编辑 ]

nickey0809UID: 2349468

thoroughly
Besides
While receiving education is a process that its quality can not be easily evaluated by a standard.主句呢
你写得 真好啊，作文是 怎么练 的呢，是不是已经 考过G了啊
我没考过G就要直接考T，觉得水平比较低，还有很长一条路要走啊:(

nickey0809UID: 2349468

我的在你楼下 能帮我看看么 我第一次写 提提意见吧 万分感谢
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

jackallen0714UID: 2510951

我没考过G~作文其实也很一般~楼上过奖了~
能给的建议就是多看多模仿多写~
推荐经常查查牛津的搭配词典~电子版为金山词霸2009牛津版~个人觉得很好

闹闹喵UID: 2500331

Recently, newspapers are broadcasting a debate focusing on teacher's income. As a respected occupation in China, some people claim that the teacher deserve decent salary and should be included into the high income group, that is to say, they should be paid as much as doctors, lawyers and business leaders. Reasonable this statement might be, it is far from throughly consideration.
   
People always say that the more you give, the more you receive. Applying this theory to the relationship between the salary and the occupation can give us some insight concerning the giant income gap. Before getting a job, people are demanded to receive education in schools. The tuition fee for students major in doctors, lawyers and business are the highest in the education system. It is normal that a MBA course costs tens of thousands dollars in a ordinary university. If students attend top schools for this course, the charge will be even more greater. Therefore, a high salary is necessary for students who major in those realms since they need the money to pay the loan come from considerable tuition fee.(这一段有点，怎么说，诡辩。学费很高所以挣得就很多似乎说不通吧？那国内那些三本收费也很高呢，学油画的收费也很高但是出来挣的不一定多。应该说，他们学费收得高是因为需要很精英的中产阶级教育，这些深造都是为了他们出来以后服务上流社会的金领工作做准备。)留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA+s&w\3H"[[

The fact that the teacher needs less proficiency and depth in their area also contribute to their relatively low income. As we all know, school teachers, especially elementary and high school teachers, are not required to have detailed knowledge in an certain subject. They aim at spread basic knowledge and skills to students, resulting in a large number of people eligible to teach. On the other hand, occupations such as doctors require high proficiency and system training which prevent many people from participating in this job. To some extent, the large population of teachers result in the low income.留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USAku+Fa|!}B5?

Besides, people are willing to spend money on things that can have direct and certain result. While receiving education is a process that its quality can not be easily evaluated by a standard. For doctors, the treatment of the illness and the recovery of the patients are conspicuous matter that people can perceive. It is also the same with lawyers and business leaders. In a word, lacking of perceivable outcomes leads to less recognition of the society which associate with their comparatively low wages.留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA[
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Therefore, I believe teachers should not be paid as much as doctors and other high salary occupations. Their relatively low income is in proportion to their expense and the large number of qualified people. If teachers want to increase their income, they should consider becoming a professor --- the high level of teachers who enjoy decent payment.

其他的都没什么问题，除了第二段以外论证都很让人信服。语言比较书面但读起来还是让人很舒服。 加油！

d596086UID: 2522476

Recently, newspapers are broadcasting a debate focusing on teacher's income. As a respected occupation in China, some people claim that the teacher deserve decent salary and should be included into the high income group, that is to say, they should be paid as much as doctors, lawyers and business leaders. Reasonable this statement might be, it is far from throughly consideration.（超喜欢这句！）
第一段非常好，没得挑~~：引入，观点，启下 都很到位
   
People always say that the more you give, the more you receive. Applying this theory to the relationship between the salary and the occupation can give us some insight concerning the giant income gap. Before getting a job, people are demanded to receive education in school本句可以删掉. The tuition fee for students major in doctors, lawyers and business are the highest in the education system. It is normal that a MBA course costs tens of thousands dollars in a ordinary university. If students attend top schools for this course, the charge will be even more greater.(可结合成一个长句) Therefore, a high salary is necessary for students who major in those realms since they need the money to pay the loan come from considerable tuition fee.（这个结束句放在开头也许更好，最后结束句应该总结教师职业）
(这一段这段开头有点慢热，中间又有点多，不过最后总结句很好。这段主要说其他3个职业工资高的原因，有的偏题。我认为开头就可以直接点下：教师工资低于其他职业，因为其他职业投资高。接着一个长句扩展，后面应该和教师的加以比较，总结句立足于教师工资低是reasonalbe这个观点 )

Also, the fact that the teacher needs less proficiency and depth in their area also contribute to their relatively low income. As we all know, school teachers, especially elementary and high school teachers, are not required to have detailed knowledge in an certain subject. They aim at spread (spreading) basic knowledge and skills to students, resulting in a large number of people eligible to teach. On the other hand, occupations such a doctors require high proficiency and system training which prevent many people from participating in this job. To some extent, the large population of teachers result in the low income
(为什么从事的人多，工资就低？本段前面说因为教师职业技术含量低，这个理由很好。引申到人数多那就未必，人多未必工资就低。所以要么不这么写，要么在总结句前点一下,The larger the size of applicants is, the lower average payment one can gain)

Besides, people are willing to spend money on things that can have direct and certain result. While receiving education is a process that its quality can not be easily evaluated by a standard. For doctors, the treatment of the illness and the recovery of the patients are conspicuous matter that people can perceive. It is also the same with lawyers and business leaders. In a word, lacking of perceivable outcomes leads to less recognition of the society which associate with their（这里指代不明） comparatively low wages结论句模糊
这段本来意思是由于其他职业收入高，所以工资高。收入高原因是人民willing to pay。但是谁愿意去花钱看医生？谁喜欢去请律师？谁又去付钱给business leader? 人们花钱是被逼得，不是喜欢那么做。the same with也有问题。
本段强调由于医生，律师等职业价值大，成果明显，创造利益大而且直接，所以应该收入高。相反，教育的即得价值低.

Therefore, I believe teachers should not be paid as much as doctors and other high salary occupations. Their relatively low income is in proportion to their expense and the large number of qualified people. If teachers want to increase their income, they should consider becoming a professor --- the high level of teachers who enjoy decent payment.
(最后一句建议不好，文章没有说教授工资就比一般教师的高，即使高也没说教授工资就和医生他们一样高！！ ….这观点是需要展开的。
很多实事是大学教授工资超低，我高中老师一个月上上辅导班就能拿1w多呢，大学老师穷啊！美国教授也是如此)

[ 本帖最后由 d596086 于 2008-12-12 14:12 编辑 ]