12.13作文求批

coalaxixiUID：2353397

363 words/1h

Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? Face-to-face communication is better than other types ofcommunication, such as letters, email, or telephone calls. Use specific reasonsand details to support your answer.

I absolutely agree with the statement thatface-to-face communication is better than other types of communication. Infact, it is the most original and spontaneous way of communication since humanbeing was created. It was the dominated way of communication before moderncivilization.
Even in today's modern world, it still demonstratesits advantages on conveying people's emotion. Face-to-face communication is amore effective way to express your love to your lover. Your lover wouldunderstand your feeling more deeply when you are right in front of her, lookingat your face. Your sincere expression on the face already tells her everythingand gives her deep impression. In such atmosphere, she is easier to accept yourconcern. More fortunately, she might respond you with a tender glance. Then youwould enjoy the wonderful moment the face-to-face communication brings. On thecontrary, other types of communication, such as letters, email, or telephonecalls have no way to pride your lover your direct and true feeling. What iseven worse is that your lover might misunderstand you because she cannot seeyour face.

Also, face-to-face communication is a moreeffective way when you try to persuade people. In this situation, yourpersuasive is more affecting that you may have some body language while you aretalking. Meanwhile, your expression could also increase the impression. Also,compared to the mere characters, you have more ways to conduct persuasion. Youcan not only appeal to line of reasoning, but also appeal to pity. My uncle isan insurance agent. Out of his success deals, the deals made by face-to-facecommunication account for around 90 percent. That is why he always walks a longway to the homes or offices of the customers. Although it seems to take moretime and be less effective, it does bring a lot more success rate on dealingand associated benefit.

Admittedly, in some circumstances whenface-to-face communication is not available due to far distance or inconsistenttiming, other types of communication are obvious choices. But from my point ofview, they can just be the substituted solutions. Still, I agree thatface-to-face communication is a better way and my top one choice.  

mpromanusUID：2565872

I absolutely agree with the statement that face-to-face communication is better than other types of communication. In fact, it is the most original and spontaneous way of communication since human being was created (I actually thought this 'since' was a 'because' until I hit the full stop. Using '...since the creation of human beings' might help to avoid this kind of ambiguity.) . It was the dominating way of communication before modern civilizations come into existence? (You have to be more specific here. 在中文里像‘在现代文明之前xx是xx的主要方式’也是病句。。另外，面对面的交流并不是modern civilization出现的时候就减少的，也不是说古时候就都是面对面交流。。).

Even in today's modern world, it (What?) still demonstrates its advantages on conveying people's emotions. Face-to-face communication is a more effective way to express your love to your lover (Be cautious. 'Lover' is not the equivalent of 爱人.). Your lover would understand your feelings more deeply when you are right in front of her, looking at your face ('You' are looking at your face? Or 'she' is looking at your face? 请注意你的主语已经转换了). Your sincere expression on the face (很典型的非地道表述. You normally only have one face so we don't normally use 'the' with 'face'. I suggest 'The sincere expression on your face' instead. ) already tells her everything and gives her a deep impression. In such an atmosphere, she is easier (Not the correct word. An opinion can be 'easy' to accept but a person cannot be 'easy to accept' something. Use 'more willing') to accept your concern (Again, not the correct word. I guess you meant to say something like 关心, but the 关心 in 'concern' is not the kind of 关心 you'll want to express..). More fortunately, she might respond to you with a tender glance (This is a rather negative word, and I believe it's not really the action you'd want to see when talking to your girlfriend..). Then you would enjoy the wonderful moment the face-to-face communication brings. On the contrary, other types of communication, such as letters, email, or telephonec alls have no ways to pride (?) your lover with your direct and true feelings. What iseven worse is that your lover might misunderstand you because she cannot see your face. (Now that brings an important question: if you think face-to-face communication is about seeing faces, does a video call on MSN messenger count as face-to-face communication? Is a video call as effective as a real, physical face-to-face communication? Something to think about - and to remind you that it's important to define and qualify your question very clearly from the start. This is especially important now because our ways of living are being radically changed by new technologies, and many 'old terms' like 'face-to-face communication' may come under new lights.)

Also, face-to-face communication is a more effective way when you try to persuade people. In this situation, your persuasion is more affecting that you may have some body language while you are talking. (Which part is the cause and which part is the effect? It seems that you had the two in the wrong order - persuasion becomes more affecting because of body language, not the other way round.) Meanwhile, your expression could also increase the impression ('Impression' is not something you can 'increase'. You can only 'emphasize' an impression.) . Also, compared to the mere characters (?), you have more ways to conduct persuasion. You can not only appeal to line of (? Do you mean '...appeal ALONG the line of reason'?) reasoning, but also appeal to pity. My uncle is an insurance agent. Out of his success deals, the deals made by face-to-face communication account for around 90 percent. That is why he always walks a long way to the homes or offices of the customers. Although it seems to take more time and be less effective, it does bring a lot more higher success rate (请注意形容词和需要修饰的名词的搭配。你在这里修饰的是success rate，而不是dealing and associated benefit.) on dealing and associated benefit.

Admittedly, in some circumstances when face-to-face communication is not available due to far distance (Brings back the question: does a video call on MSN count?) or inconsistent timing, other types of communication are more obvious choices. But from my point of view, they can just only (Another classic example of misued synonym.) be the substituted solutions (Why? You've already said the primary option is not available - so 'other types' are no longer 'substitutes' but they are now necessary.). Still, I agree that face-to-face communication is a better way and my top one choice.

总结：

语言方面有很多用词不当和指代不明，请注意词汇的使用 - 如果你不能确定自己能100%用对一个词，宁可不要用，换成你知道自己会用的词。论述方面，两个论点有重叠之处 - 因为你同时在两段中提到了 面对面交流的expression和impression，最后论点的不同变成只是impression的对象不同而已。另外就是在文中评语提出的，长距离视频算不算面对面交流？十年前这个问题都还根本算不上问题，但是随着技术的突飞猛进，这已经是你需要考虑的complexity，否则你的讨论容易流于表面。

coalaxixiUID：2353397

en用了几天才消化过来，真是获益匪浅哪！