Argument48【六人作文小组】第1周第1次作业

空即是色UID: 2496914

Argument 48
"Twenty years ago, one half of all citizens in Corpora met the standards for adequate physical fitness as then defined by the national advisory board on physical fitness. Today, the board says that only one quarter of all citizens are adequately fit and suggests that spending too much time using computers may be the reason. But since overall fitness levels are highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest, it is clear that using computers has not made citizens less physically fit. Instead, as shown by this year's unusually low expenditures on fitness-related products and services, the recent decline in the economy is most likely the cause, and fitness levels will improve when the economy does."

提纲：
1、            过去与现在错误类比
2、            因果关系---高拥有量不等于高使用量---证据不足
3、            未考虑其他原因
The argument is well-presented, but some facts are still questionable. By comparing the health levels of Corpora, the author indicates the physical fitness does not link to using computer, also, as the decreasing cost on fitness-related products and service, the depressed economy leads to unhealthy condition. It seems un-logical.

The author fails to consider the possible alternatives to inadequate fitness now from past condition. Such alternatives may include that the standard for fitness may change during the past 20 years, or the past standard does not suit for the time. It is possible that as the past standard which might be less high, the proportion of adequate fitness is not declining compared with itself. Perhaps after 20 years the aging of population emerges and because of the increasing population only points out the proportion is unconvinced. The argument is based on an incomplete comparison and is widely unpersuasive. Therefore, the citizens of Corpora may be not stand in an insufficient health condition.

Even if the citizens are unreached to the standard, there is no evidence to support for the conclusion that the computers make no effect. It is mentioned in the argument that these regions which have the highest levels of computer also hold the highest fitness levels. This may be a coincidence that most of people who live in these areas are rich and to the, computer just as a furnishing. High levels of computer ownership do not mean that citizens of these regions will spend more time on using computers. Without such evidence, it is equally possible that a causal relationship exists between using computer and less physically fit.

The low expenditures on fitness-related products and services may not directly result in low levels of fitness. It is possible that the products and services in this year cost more so that some citizens would like to choose other factor such as running, swimming, play balls and so forth. Or perhaps the products on the market now are new which might be out of the customers’ condition and not eligible. In addition, the low expenditures on fitness products do not necessarily result from the decline in the economy. It is a sufficiency conclusion of once economy improves, people will spend time and money on fitness-related products, and services.

Overall, the argument for physical fitness depends on an unconvinced standard and provides less evidence to support the relationship of computer. The author also fails to link depressed economy with low expenditures. Much more work is needed before conclusion.

[ 本帖最后由 空即是色 于 2009-1-6 23:58 编辑 ]

sneakerliuUID: 2481691

The argument is well-presented, but some facts are still questionable. By comparing the health levels of Corpora, the author indicates the physical fitness does not link to using computer, also, as the decreasing cost on fitness-related products and service, the depressed economy leads to unhealthy condition. It seems un-logical.

The author fails to consider the possible alternatives to inadequate fitness now from past condition. Such alternatives may include that the standard for fitness may change during the past 20 years, or the past standard does not suit for the time. It is possible that as the past standard which might be less high（lower）, the (actural)proportion of adequate fitness is not declining compared with itself. Perhaps after 20 years the aging of(去掉) population emerges and because of（去掉） the increasing population only points（point） out the（study of ） proportion is unconvinced. The argument is based on an incomplete comparison and is widely unpersuasive. Therefore, the citizens of Corpora may be not(not be) stand in an insufficient health condition.

Even if the citizens are unreached to the standard, there is no evidence to support for(the) the conclusion that the computers make no effect. It is mentioned in the argument that these regions which have the highest levels of computer also hold the highest fitness levels. This may be a coincidence that most of people who live in these areas are rich and to the, computer just(been regarded) as a furnishing. High levels of computer ownership do not mean that citizens of these regions will spend more time on using computers. Without such evidence, it is equally possible that a causal relationship exists between using computer and less physically fit.

The low expenditures on fitness-related products and services may not directly result in low levels of fitness. It is possible that the products and services in this year cost more so that some citizens would like to choose other factor such as running, swimming, play balls and so forth. （再说说其实人们的运动量没有少）Or perhaps the products on the market now are new which might be out of the customers’ condition and not eligible（所以今年是个例，不具有代表性）. In addition, the low expenditures on fitness products do not necessarily result from the decline in the economy. It is a sufficiency conclusion of once economy improves, people will spend time and money on fitness-related products, and services.

Overall, the argument for physical fitness depends on an unconvinced standard and provides less evidence to support the relationship of computer. The author also fails to link depressed economy with low expenditures. Much more work is needed before conclusion.
还是不错的，逻辑没问题，关键是要表达清楚，再加油！

[ 本帖最后由 sneakerliu 于 2009-1-5 20:40 编辑 ]

liuguaguaUID: 2569375

Argument 48
提纲：
1、            过去与现在错误类比
2、            因果关系---高拥有量不等于高使用量---证据不足
3、            未考虑其他原因
The argument is well-presented, but some facts are still questionable. By comparing the health levels of Corpora, the author indicates the physical fitness does not link to using computer, also, as the decreasing cost on fitness-related products and service, the depressed economy leads to unhealthy condition. It seems un-logical.

The author fails to consider the possible alternatives to inadequate fitness now from past condition. Such alternatives may include that the standard for fitness may change during the past 20 years, or the past standard does not suit for the time. It is possible that as the past standard which might be less high, the proportion of adequate fitness is not declining compared with itself. Perhaps after 20 years the aging of population emerges and because of the increasing population only points out the proportion is unconvinced. The argument is based on an incomplete comparison and is widely unpersuasive. Therefore, the citizens of Corpora may be not stand in an insufficient health condition.

Even if the citizens are unreached to the standard, there is no evidence to support for the conclusion that the computers make no effect. It is mentioned in the argument that these regions which have the highest levels of computer also hold the highest fitness levels. This may be a coincidence that most of people who live in these areas are rich and to the, computer just as a furnishing. High levels of computer ownership do not mean that citizens of these regions will spend more time on using computers. Without such evidence, it is equally possible that a causal relationship exists between using computer and less physically fit.

The low expenditures on fitness-related products and services may not directly result in low levels of fitness. It is possible that the products and services in this year cost more so that some citizens would like to choose other factor such as running, swimming, play balls and so forth. Or perhaps the products on the market now are new which might be out of the customers’ condition and not eligible. In addition, the low expenditures on fitness products do not necessarily result from the decline in the economy. It is a sufficiency conclusion of once economy improves, people will spend time and money on fitness-related products, and services.(前面不是讲健身器材花费低，不能导致经济衰退，你最后反过来讲：有可能经济一旦好转，人们就会花更多钱的去健身。我觉得这2句逻辑上有点问题呀？)最后是不是应该总结：所有不能认为经济衰退是健身器材低的原因）

Overall, the argument for physical fitness depends on an unconvinced standard and provides less evidence to support the relationship of computer. The author also fails to link depressed economy with low expenditures. Much more work is needed before conclusion.

写的很好！例子也很充分，给我不少启发！很赞的文章！

susannerUID: 2209224

下一次把原题贴出来，这样方便组外同学改你的文章哈:)