argument132 请狠拍！

roinyouUID: 2447501

谢谢各位G友的鼓励和支持，这是argument132的作业，请狠拍！


In this editorial, the editor recommends that the work hours should be reduced from 40 to 25 or even 20 hours. Several facts are cited to support this claim. 1) One store in Workville where hire employee for part-time job reports fewer days of sick leave while a factory in Workville too only hires full-time jobs have more number of sick leave days last year. 2) a recent survey shows that workers in the store is stated satisfaction while the employee in factory with full-time jobs mostly dissatisfy with the jobs. It has several logical flaws to draw that conclusion.

In the first place, the editor assumes that these two enterprises for the comparison is representative respectively for the high and light  workload jobs. It is highly possible that even the part-time jobs in the store has more responsibility to take and is much harder than the job in the factory. Perhaps, what the factory jobs need to do is monitor the machine, while the store jobs needs them to move the heavy goods, and record one by one.

Further more, the editor does not consider many other possibilities that render these two companies this results. Maybe the worker in the store incline to more healthy and strong which results that  they have less sick leave than the employee who may be weak themselves or short of excises. It is also possible that the policy for the sick leave is harsh in the store, and who apply for one leave may have to cut a lot of salary, and they are scared to be lower their payment.

For another thing, we also doubts the creditability of the survey. Maybe it only conducts a part of emplyees and asks few of them for their opinions, which in the consequence, maybe many who interviewed in the store are the managors who are of course satisfy their jobs, and meanwhile the subjects of the survey  in the factory are commonly the physical labors who have more complains than consent. Also it is entirely possible that the workers dissatisfy the jobs because of the salary, the way hoe boss treat them, or the other explaintions.

Besides, we are still confused about the reason why the editor claim that the work hour should cut in half. We can not find any statistics to support this number. Why can not be reduced to 30 hours?

To strenthen the claim, the editor have to provide more research or statistics to bolster that the factory's employee are heathy and  really have heavy workload, and the survey is creditable and the employee in the facatory dissatisfy the jobs merely because of that.

tianshi02UID: 2362794

In this editorial, the editor recommends that the work hours should be reduced from 40 to 25 or even 20 hours. Several facts are cited to support this claim. 1) One store in Workville where hire employee for part-time job reports fewer days of sick leave while a factory in Workville too only hires full-time jobs have more number of sick leave days last year. 2) a recent survey shows that workers in the store is stated satisfaction while the employee in factory with full-time jobs mostly dissatisfy with the jobs. It has several logical flaws to draw that conclusion -> those conclusions.   开头有些啰嗦，个人觉得不需要在开头列出题目全部信息，不会给阅卷人很好的第一印象，虽然也不会有什么坏印象吧

In the first place, the editor assumes that these two enterprises for the comparison is representative respectively for the high and light  workload jobs. It is highly possible that even the part-time jobs in the store has more responsibility to take and is much harder than the job in the factory. Perhaps, what the factory jobs need to do is monitor the machine, while the store jobs needs them to move the heavy goods, and record one by one.  没有明确指出assumption是错的，要让读者去猜，不太妥

Further more, the editor does not consider many other possibilities that render these two companies this results. Maybe the worker in the store incline to -> are inclined to be more healthy and strong which results that  they have less sick leave than the employee who may be weak themselves or short of excises. It is also possible that the policy for the sick leave is harsh in the store, and who apply for one leave may have to cut a lot of salary -> suffer from salary cut, and they are scared to be lower their payment.

For another thing, we also doubts the creditability of the survey. Maybe it only conducts a part of emplyees and asks few of them for their opinions, which in the consequence, ->as a consequence ( maybe many who interviewed in the store are the managors who are of course satisfy their jobs, and meanwhile the subjects of the survey  in the factory are commonly the physical labors who have more complains than consent. Also it is entirely possible that the workers dissatisfy the jobs because of the salary, the way hoe boss treats them, or the other explaintions.

Besides, we are still confused about the reason why the editor claim that the work hour should be cut to half. We can not find any statistics to support this number. Why can it not be reduced to 30 hours?

To strenthen the claim, the editor have to provide more research or statistics to bolster that the factory's employee are heathy and  really have heavy workload, and the survey is creditable and the employee in the facatory dissatisfy the jobs merely because of that.

satisfy ->be satisfied with, dissatisfy -> be dissatisfied with

总的来说，条理清晰，结构合理，但是遣词造句和语法上过于随意。