Argument35 【0906G 文以载道三月四月小组】第一周第二次作业 on lilianli

sibslccUID: 2463158

Argument35
The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia.
"Salicylates（水杨酸脂） are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades food-processing companies have also been adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study. Recently, food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives（食品香料） for foods. With this new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia."
水杨酸酯和用来治疗头痛的药物--阿司匹林是同一类化合物。尽管很多食品天然富含水杨酸酯，过去几十年中食品加工公司仍然在食品中加入它来作为防腐剂。这种水杨酸酯在商业上的使用被发现与我们为期20年研究的参加者所报告的头痛发病的平均数量下降是相关的。最近，食品加工公司发现水杨酸酯也可以被用作食品香料。根据这种水杨酸酯的新用途，我们可以预期Mentia居民患头痛症的数量将会持续稳步下降。


【提纲】
1.the reason why addingsalicylates which many food are rich in is ambiguous .whether it has bad effect.目的还是明确的，防腐或者风味添加剂
2.the correlation between the salicylates and a decline in the average number of headaches isn't clear. The accuracy of the research?
3.how to expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches according to the new use for salicylates.


【正文】
In this argument, the author introduces salicylates—a kind of medicine to treat headaches. According to the research and the new function as additives recently the author jumps to the conclusion that with new use for salicylates, a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia.（that 后面从句不完整） Close scrutiny of this argument would reveal how groundless it is.

First of all, the author argues that many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, but the past several decades food-processing companies have also been adding it to foods as preservatives. This incompatible saying make people confused. The reason why adding salicylates which many food are rich in is ambiguous. Also, whether the addition will make an negative effect on people's health is need to搭配错了be explored. If the food is abundant of salicylates, with extra addition, this compound might develop the opposite direction when it become extreme in human's bodies, not to mention curing the headache.

Secondly, the author cites a twenty-year study and assumes the salicylates bears some relation to a decline in the average number of headaches . But he doesn't provide sufficient evidences to prove it. The detail of the study is unknown. So we can't make sure that whether there is any other factor to（其他的，而不是其他任何一个）affect the people with headache as well as the twenty-year long study is enough. Also, the applicants' healthy conditions should be considered. If they don't have the same condition or their health situations changed in the past twenty years, the research's result may be inaccurate. Lacking evidence of the detailed study, it is presumptuous语气过强 to suggest that there is correlation between salicylates and the decline in the average number of headaches.

Last but not least, the author brings out a bright future, but how to expect this continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizens of Mentia according to the new use as flavor additives for salicylates? The quantity and the way of salicylates adding into food as flavor additives can impact on its function. And whether this new use aims at the people from Mentia is not mentioned. So it's not comprehensive to compare the use as preservatives with flavor additives and concludes the future effect of salicylates on Mentia's citizens.

All in all, to make this argument more convincing, the author would have to provide more evidence concerning with the reason adding extra salicylates as well as the rationality of twenty-year study and the two uses' comparison.表达太硬。


[ 本帖最后由 sibslcc 于 2009-1-13 14:03 编辑 ]

lilianliUID: 2437378

非常感谢你的批改!

1.the reason why addingsalicylates which many food are rich in is ambiguous .whether it has bad effect.目的还是明确的，防腐或者风味添加剂.
我是想表达食物富集salicylates,为什么自身不能做防腐或风味添加剂,为什么还要添加,这样是否会有害处.

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... e%3D1#pid1772214822

祝好!