Argument35【0906G 文以载道三月四月小组】第一周第二次作业 on 忍者无敌

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Argument35【0906G 文以载道三月四月小组】第一周第二次作业 by curylnne

【题目】
Argument35
The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia."Salicylates（水杨酸脂） are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades food-processing companies have also been adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study.
Recently, food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives（食品香料） for foods. With this new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia."
水杨酸酯和用来治疗头痛的药物--阿司匹林是同一类化合物。尽管很多食品天然富含水杨酸酯，过去几十年中食品加工公司仍然在食品中加入它来作为防腐剂。这种水杨酸酯在商业上的使用被发现与我们为期20年研究的参加者所报告的头痛发病的平均数量下降是相关的。最近，食品加工公司发现水杨酸酯也可以被用作食品香料。根据这种水杨酸酯的新用途，我们可以预期Mentia居民患头痛症的数量将会持续稳步下降。
【提纲】
1.调查报告的有效性值得怀疑，抽取的被试样本偏颇，调查如何进行，多少含量的水杨酸酯对治疗头痛有效？
2.错误推理，添加食品香料与头痛人数减少没有直接因果关系。
3.水杨酸酯和阿司匹林虽然是同类化合物，但不代表有相同的药理性。
【正文】
The author considers that adding salicylate to foods can reduce the average number of people who had headaches in Mentia. The argument supplies a survey regarding the relationship with the
commercial use of salicylates and a stable descend（descent）in the group （number）of headaches. And the recent use
of the salicylates as flavor additives for foods supposed to be an evidence to support the conclusion. However, there exist some  matters in the paragraph that including the gratuitous assumption the biased sample and cause-effect fallacy.（这句话我有点没看懂，不敢乱改。 如果可以的话，请给我解释下。谢谢）

To begin with, the validity of the survey is doubtful. The participants of the twenty-year study are selected by the administer who can not represent the whole city.（感觉有些不顺，whether the participants of the twenty-year study can represent the overall people in the society is open to doubt) What is more, the disadvantage of the long-term tracing study is the number of the participants would decline year by year in all sorts of accidents( 新颖，学习了）. How does this study carry into execution? As commonsense as we know, to testify
the salicylates to headaches， people should set up two groups of participants which one is suffered with（from） headache and the other is not.However, there is nothing to get this information from the argument. As well as the author must show that how much quantity of salicyates are antalgic to headache patients in order to establish the correlation between the preservatives which are comprised of salicylates and the decrease average number of headaches suffered.

Furthermore,（the assumption that） using salicylates as the flavor additives for foods will reduce the number of headache patients that assumption（去掉） is supposed by the author without any strong evidence.  It is not the necessary cause （to）make the average number of people suffer（suffering） from the headache cutting（cut） down（you can say directly“cause to reduce the average number of people ） that （through）putting the salicylates into the foods as flavor additives. Yet it is possibility（possible） that other factors affect the patients refreshing,（recovery） such as the patient receive a better medicine cure and find out the cause of pain. The author does not supply sufficient evidences to make us sure of the conclusion.

The last （but）not the least, the author mentions that salicylates are chemical family members of aspirin which confused the reads mistake（没太看懂） the salicylate has the same quality of pharmacology of Aspirin. It is well-known that the same kind of compounds also could have different effect. The author leads us （to）a false direction to feel the salicylates are complete same good（completely good）for headache. Meanwhile, some preservatives are not available to eat at all that even would no influence on the headaches suffered（话说的好像有些不顺）. In the chemical field, it is widely accepted that the identical substance also has distinguish function in diverse situations which like the Hydrogen peroxide has both oxidative and reductive. So the argument lacks many（去掉） more evidence to establish the conculison steadily.

To sum up, the author points out that the salicylates are good for headaches with the invalidity survey and false analogy. To strong （strengthen）the argument, the author should show some more particular details of the study. Moreover, the author should give（provide supply  offer ）the evidence of the salicylate , which has the ability to cure the headache. In a word, to strength（strengthen） the argument is （去掉）needs much more useful proof.（facts  imformation  grounds）

文章观点鲜明，写的条理清楚。但是还是有些句子写的不顺，词语使用不太恰当。感觉你好像故意想写长句子的。其实我觉得长句子固然好，但是容易写错， 先试着将短句子写的简洁清楚 再去练习写长句子应该更好吧。还有我感觉你是卡着时间做的吧，有些小错要是慢慢写是会发现的。总之，写的还是挺好的，继续努力~~~加油~~~
p.s 我是第一次写作文，第一次改作文，如果有不对的地方请指出 大家共同探讨进步嘛 呵呵:handshake :handshake