【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】01.22号作业 by lsr91

lsr91UID: 2540702

In general, I rather watch the movies which designed primarily to amuse and entertain than watch the movies which are serious. We now live in a world which is full of hard working, full of challenge. We are so busy due to work for our better lives, but at the same time we also have no time to relax ourselves even though enjoy our lives. I think we need immediately fun through our lives. For example, in cinemas, we can have fun with comedy movies.

Regularly relax ourselves by watching a funny movies is necessary. On a gorgeous weekend night, when you have finished works of this week, you can sit before your computer, download a comedy movie, have fun in the movie with beer or popcorn. Or you can go to cinema with your family. Under the movie's humorous, your brain gain a perfect rest, and after a good sleep, you can make your plan of next week clearly, it also give you a good mood for next week.

On the other hand, watching some entertained movies can wake up our ambitions to succeed. As we all know, there are lots of people who have mental illness, most of the reason why they are sick because of enormous pressure among their lives. But in my opinion, they can build up their confidence after acknowledging the roles' aspiring notions for life in movies as well as having fun with these comedy movies. So they can change their pessimistic belief of lives.

There would certainly be negative effects as well. If we are so concentrate on these funny movies, it will sway our works. We can not stop thinking about the interesting scenes in movies instead of keep our minds closed to our works. And I have reason to believe that we will simulate some action or talking from movies via our action and our talking.

However, because of the rapid raise speed of social competition and advanced network, I believe the potential benefits of advising people watching a comedy movie would outweigh a serious movie. If we take the right attitude to enjoy our lives, our lives will be better.

ddcmj519UID: 176326

希望不要交裸稿，至少先拖去word改正拼写，和一些基本的语法错误！！

In general, I rather watch the movies which designed primarily to amuse and entertain than watch两个一样的动词可以删一个 the movies which两个which。。一句话里面重复用词太多显得很累赘 are serious. We now live in a world which is full of hard working这是形容词吧。你要表达什么意思？, full of challenge. We are so busy due to work for our better life, but at the same time we also have no time to relax ourselves even though enjoy our lives什么意思。。不通。。. I think we need immediately fun through our life. For example, in cinemas, we can have fun with comedy movies.
建议先去看看范文，首段写成这样貌似不太好，首段一般是整篇文章的概要。建议把其中关于理由陈述的内容分离出来单独为一段

Regularly relaxing ourselves by watching a funny movies矛盾 is necessary. On a gorgeous weekend night, when you have finished work of this week, you can sit before your computer, download a comedy这个是名词 movie, have fun in the movie with beer or popcorn. Or you can go to cinema with your family. Under the movie's humorous这是形容词, your brain gain a perfect rest, and after a good sleep, you can make your plan of next week clearly, it also give you a good mood for next week.
这段问题很多诶，首先人称问题注意审题，题目要求是“you prefer”。然后此段内容基本是第一段的重复和扩充。另外我个人觉得此段后面的分述表没有紧扣第一句的necessary。

On the other hand, watching some entertaining movies can wake up our ambition to succeed. As we all know, there are lots of people who have mental illness, most of the reason why they are sick isbecause of enormous pressure in their life. But in my opinion, they can build up their confidence after acknowledging the roles' aspiring notions for life in movies as well as having fun with these comedy movies不懂你要表达的意思。。. So they can change their pessimistic belief of life.
还是偏题的问题。。

There would certainly be negative effects as well. If we are so concentrate on these funny movies, it will sway our works. We can not stop thinking about the interesting scenes in movies instead of keeping our minds closed删了 to our works. And I have reason to believe that we will simulate some action or talking from movies via our action and our talking你的意思没表达清楚看不懂.

However, because of the rapid raising speed of social competition and advanced network, I believe the potential benefits of advising people watching a comedy movie would outweigh a serious movie. If we take the right attitude to enjoy our lives, our life will be better.

模板痕迹严重，查字典痕迹严重。审题不仔细。文章整体看似有些结构，但从内容上看并不明晰。而且倒数第二段，我个人不是很理解放在那里的目的何在，毕竟整篇文章是要和serious movie对比，而你在末段也对比了，但是末段的对比就显得毫无根据了。

拍的有点狠，不好意思。个人建议同学先多看看范文，不要八股的去看模板，模板是在理解了整篇文章的构架下才有的东西，必须结合内容才行的通。what's more，语法错误太多，下次写完建议拉去word检查。最后，建议重写。。。

woaichixiguaUID: 2450470

% v" O0 C3 B9 U+ R7 {% D/ x8 c In general, I'd rather watch the movies which are designed primarily to amuse and entertain than watch the movies//这里用个代词those serious ones就可以了 which are serious. We now live in a world which is full of hard working, full of//and challenge. We are so busy due to work for our better lives, but at the same time we also have no time to relax ourselves even though enjoy our lives//这句话我觉得有点乱, even though以后看不懂,不知道你想要表达一个什么意思. I think we need immediately fun through our lives//这句话可以考虑用被动语态的,多一点句式上的变化会比较好. For example, in cinemas, we can have fun with comedy movies. Regularly relax ourselves by watching a funny movies is necessary. On a gorgeous weekend night, when you have finished works of this week, you can sit before your computer, download a comedy/comic movie, have fun in the movie with beer or popcorn. Or you can go to cinema with your family. Under the movie's humorous, your brain gain a perfect rest//The funny of the moive can provide your gain a good rest, and after a good sleep, you can make your plan of next week clearly, it also give you a good mood for next week. On the other hand, watching some entertained/entertaining movies can wake up our ambitions to succeed. As we all know, there are lots of people who have mental illness, most of the reason why they are sick because of//are enormous pressure among their lives. But in my opinion, they can build up their confidence after acknowledging the roles' aspiring notions for life in movies as well as having fun with these comedy movies. So they can change their pessimistic belief of lives.//这个观点不错,可以举个例子来支持一下嘛,比如说哪个喜剧人物的什么性格就在你心情低落的时候鼓励了你 . [& C) }' J% F2 u9 U+ F There would certainly be negative effects as well. If we are so concentrate on these funny movies, it will sway our works//后面半句不明白. We can not stop thinking about the interesting scenes in movies instead of/while keeping our minds closed/close to our works. And I have reasons to believe that we will simulate some action or talking from movies via/through our action and our talking. e& R9 s However, because of the rapid raise speed of social competition/fiercing competition and advanced network, I believe the potential benefits of advising people watching a comedy movie would outweigh a serious movie. If we take the right attitude to enjoy our lives, our lives will be better.

1# lsr91

nirvanahmjUID: 2534352

()删去 {}添加 []替换
In general, I rather watch the movies which designed primarily to amuse and entertain than watch the movies which are serious. We now live in a world which is full of hard work（ing）, full of challenge{s}. We are so busy due to work for our better lives, but[and] at the same time we （also） have no time to relax ourselves even though[let alone] enjoy our lives. I think we need immediately fun through our lives. For example, in cinemas, we can have fun with comedy movies.
最后一句感觉不是很适合，和前面不是很搭 " b7 c0 p8 Z! q; t+ Q7 x
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Regularly relax ourselves by watching a funny movie is necessary. On a gorgeous weekend night, when you have finished works of this week, you can sit before your computer, download a comedy (movie), have fun in the movie with beer or popcorn{s}. Or you can go to cinema with your family. Under the movie's humorous, your brain gain a perfect rest, and after a good sleep, you can make your plan of next week clearly, it also give you a good mood for next week.
没有说明amusing movies的特点，这一段说的serious movies也可以做到啊！应该强调一下两种电影在这方面的作用的区别。
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On the other hand, watching some entertained[entertaining] movies can wake up our ambitions to succeed[success]. As we all know, there are lots of people who have mental illness, most of the reason why they are sick {is} because of {the} enormous pressure among their lives. But in my opinion, they can build up their confidence after acknowledging the roles' aspiring notions for life in movies as well as having fun with these comedy movies. So they can change their pessimistic belief of lives.
观点很好，比较特别，不过表达不是很清楚，让观点上的亮点不能很好突出。可以举例子来说明，这样抽象的说明对语言要求比较高。倒数第二句有点小纠结。
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There would certainly be negative effects as well. If we are so concentrate[d] on these funny movies, it will sway our works. We can not stop thinking about the interesting scenes in movies instead of keep{ing} our minds closed to our works. And I have reason{s} to believe that we will simulate some action or talking from movies via our action and our talking. / |; P* [2 d& @) s& m/ i
不是很理解这段想表达什么，以上理由不能说明为什么prefer amusing movies，只是对movies的总体评价。

However, because of the rapid raise[rising] speed of social competition and advanced network, I believe the potential benefits of advising people watching a comedy (movie) would outweigh a serious movie. If we take the right attitude to enjoy our lives, our lives will be better.
总体来说这篇文章没有很好的说明你的preferance，感觉上以上的三条理由对两种movies都适用，其实这也不是不可以，但是要从你所选的角度强调说明阐述。
有些句子看来有点奇怪但是又不知道要怎么改，于是有些句型方面的问题我没有改出。仅供参考。