【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】第五次作业.2.1号作业 by y61_smile

y61_smileUID: 2595244

【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】第五次作业.2.1号作业 by y61_smile

The lecturer discusses the point that the options some companies provided can’t increase profits.The reading , in contrast, held a different view .

Firstly,it may force companies spend more money on the staff in training.and more employees may take the company to offer more office places and computers which would directly cut into profits.That’s just the oppisite view in the reading passage.

Another important point showed in the listening material is that following the option would not make many jobs affordable ,but the reading presents a conflicting idea thatoffering the option would reduce unemployment rates. Companies may make employees work overtime and not to afford more jobs to the society. What’s more, the firm may increase expectations on those 4-day workers to work well as they do in 5 days.threfore，there’s seldom additional
opputunities for other peolpe but more unpleasant workers.

Finally, the professor stated that thre’re risks for individual emplyees which challenges the standpoint made by the writer who said that It may improve the quality of their lives. According to the lecture, 4-day workers may become the first to lose their jobs because companies prefer to promote those who do more continuial work in a week.

In general, the professor in the listenging discussed the problem of 4-day work can’t increase profits that the reading viewed in a opposing angle.


＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝不知道为什么word没有检查功能
才从老家赶回来
前几次作业以后再补交
我知道自己水平很糟 感谢批改的同学
抱歉。大家。以上

y61_smileUID: 2595244

占个楼准备自PIA

紫苜蓿UID: 2587531

恩 大致看了看 说错了请谅解啊~~

listening material 在文章中出现 个人觉得不太好

Firstly,it may force companies spend more money on the staff in training. （段首的it指代不清）

恩 类似的指代不清的问题有点多。。 楼主思维跳跃性有点大  导致句子间的承接关系不清 像我这样不知题目的 就看不懂了 呵呵

另外 长句太多 最长那段只有三句话 建议 多用短句写 每句话写清楚 加油啊

y61_smileUID: 2595244

3# 紫苜蓿


这是我第一次练习
很乱很糟糕

谢谢你来看我的作文

nirvanahmjUID: 2534352

The lecturer discusses the point that the options some companies provided can’t increase profits. The reading, in contrast, held a different view.
总结的有点片面了，profits只是其中的一点。
Firstly, it may force companies spend more money on the staff in training. And more employees may take the company to offer more office places and computers which would directly cut into profits. That’s just the opposite view in the reading passage.
那个take用的有点奇怪，用make好点吧。
Another important point showed in the listening material is that following the option would not make many jobs affordable [available], but [while] the reading presents a conflicting idea that offering the option would reduce unemployment rates. Companies may make employees work overtime and not (to) afford more jobs to the society. What’s more, the firm may increase expectations on those 4-day workers to work well as they do in 5 days. Therefore，there’s seldom additional opputunities [opportunity] for other people but more unpleasant workers.
文章和听力里面的证据交叉的给出，但没有明确说明哪个是哪个里面的，逻辑不是很清楚。就是说明白的人能理解你的意思但是不了解的就会混。
Finally, the professor stated that there’re risks for individual employees which challenges the standpoint made by the writer (who said) that It may improve the quality of their lives. According to the lecture, 4-day workers may become the first to lose their jobs because companies prefer to promote those who do more continual work in a week.
最好再加上文章里说会improve the quality of life的原因，一句就够了。
In general, the professor in the listening discussed the problem of 4-day work can’t increase profits that the reading viewed in an opposing angle.
和开头一样，不只profit的问题。这个结尾是不是要我也不是很清楚，不过看OG上的5分范文没有的说……
嗯，我较水，对综合写作也不是很清楚，您姑且听听。