【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】02.01号作业 by sunnyling，

sunnylingUID: 2499568

The passage brings up the benefits of a new policy of shorter employment time in the United States. However, the lecture is taking the opposite side of the reading.

Firstly, it is pointed out that more money will be needed for the new working policy. The less the employee works, in order to accomplish the same amount of job, the more people should be employed. Thus, the expense of training the newcomers and the new office place should be a large outgoing of the company, not helping at all to the profits like the passage states.

Moreover, another point the professor cast doubt on the reading is that the changes of the employee and the worktime may have a bad influence of the working efficiency. From people to people, they have different ways to deal with thing, so time is needed to make up the differences of it. Besides, from four-day to five-day employment, shorten of time may also request people to revise their way of working.

Finally,  unlike the passage saying, the short-time employment is not good for the employees, when affecting their quality of life and enhancement of career. It is known to all that working less time means being paid less money. Besides, five-day employment is still existed, said in the lecture, while it transfor to the manage position.

先贴了一次，一不小心全选删除了。。。于是又写了一次。。。555.。。。

真坎坷。。。。

Amber0926UID: 2555355

The passage brings up the benefits of a new policy of shorter employment time in the United States. However, the lecture is taking the opposite side of the reading.

lFirstly, it is pointed out that more money will be needed for the new working （work就好吧）policy. The less the employee works, in order to accomplish the same amount of job, the more people should be employed. （这种插入有点别扭，in order to放前面吧）Thus, the expense of training the newcomers and the new office place should be a large outgoing of the company, not helping at all to the profits like the passage states.

Moreover, another point the professor cast doubt on the reading is that the changes of the employee and the worktime may have a bad influence of the working efficiency. From people to people, they have different ways to deal with thing, so time is needed to make up the differences of it. Besides, from four-day to five-day employment, shorten of time may also request people to revise their way of working.（这段我听的不好，就不多说了）

Finally,  unlike the passage saying, the short-time employment is not good for the employees, when affecting their quality of life （lives）and enhancement of career（动+名and 名词，这种并列不一致）. It is known to all that working less time means being paid less money. Besides, five-day employment is still existed, said in the lecture, while it transfor to the manage position.
我对语法结构实在不太会改，感觉综合写作重点就在听力，老师说吧听力表达的充分，3点都写到就会有4分了

acai1118UID: 2338482

The passage brings up the benefits of a new policy of shorter employment time in the United States. However, the lecture is taking the opposite side of the reading.' ]' k( A: j. M3 f" F
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Firstly, it is pointed out that more money will be needed for the new working policy. The less the employee works没看懂, in order to accomplish the same amount of jobs, the more people should be employed. Thus, the expense of training the newcomers and the new office place should be a large outgoing of the company/companies   , not helping at all to the profits like the passage states.0 l0 @! g3 K1 }2 I. N: ?
3 u' f/ U& j; B* E1 P& `2 Y- XMoreover, another point the professor cast doubt on the reading is that the changes of the employee and the worktime may have a bad influence of the working efficiency. From people to people, they have different ways to deal with thing, so time is needed to make up the differences of it. Besides, from four-day to five-day employment, shorten of time may also request people to revise their way of working.(第二个观点建议再多听几次 没有抓住)5 F# ()]1 E+ u# I
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Finally,  unlike the passage saying, the short-time  用 shorter 你是和前面的passage比较 employment is not good for the employees, when affecting their quality of life and enhancement of career. It is known to all that working less time means being paid less money. Besides, five-day employment is still existed, said in the lecture, while it transfor to the manage position.第三个观点再去听

（英文一般表达中人物和事物多用复数形式 这样你比较好写 用单数处理起来麻烦得很）- n（（）

acai1118UID: 2338482

对了 建议你去看ibt6.21写的 观点改写得很好 而且details都很全～～～

sunnylingUID: 2499568

谢谢各位楼上的指正！同时可以建议把ibt 6.21的文章的链接贴出来吗？谢谢了，祈祷托福三战成功。

sunnylingUID: 2499568

我晕，是ibt9.12啊。居然没有一个数字相同，要战T还是需要细心啊~

sunnylingUID: 2499568

我晕，是ibt9.12啊。居然没有一个数字相同，要战T还是需要细心啊~