零散版友作文互改大贴

Neptune2010UID: 2626044

TOPIC: ISSUE136 - "The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare."
WORDS: 1          TIME: 00:00:03          DATE: 2009/4/8 20:41:24
也帮忙看看我的吧，欢迎严厉的鞭策 ==；（汗、、

I fundamentally agree with the speaker's assertion that the absence of choice is a rare situation, for the reason to do with the nature of ourselves, namely the independent minds, personalities and deeds. Nevertheless, it might to tempting to agree that sometimes individual pursuits yield to pragmatic concern of surviving, it is by no means an indication of no choice, but rather a sense of unwillingness to do so.

From childhood, we naturally learn to develop our own characters, personalities and interests largely through the process of choice. Kids at an early age tend to pick up individual hobbies, sports, dressings or even their famous admirers. At secondary and high school level, students are given options to select their interested subjects. In the meanwhile, they join in clubs, unions of various themes to make friends according to likes and dislikes. Nevertheless, none of these deeds can totally disregard the influence of other external confinements. For example, their early pursuits may be partly driven by faddish trends, or family education. Course selection might have to take into account of practical concern such as employment demands or economic condition in the later time. However, such factors do not render us a sense of no choice at all, for otherwise we would have essentially become more of the same with our peers. On the contrary, individual differs from each other sharply. Isn't it the choices born of our both our internal hearts and the opportunities from our social environments which brought about this result?

Upon we enter into society as responsible grown-ups, I concede that our favored pursuits sometimes inevitable give way to other ones which are more driven by social and family responsibility, confinements within a group or moral restraints. Indeed, one must acknowledge the obvious fact that leading a life is not easy thing to do. In our society, there are countless people who defer their dream to a comfortable life, asserting that they are forced to do so. But, in my observation, a deferred dream is perhaps not a dream at all. Had one willing to attain what he is craving for, he is necessarily well prepared for sacrifices of some sorts. One does not need to look further than life-devoted scientists ranging from Newton to Einstein, Kepler to Darwin, to see this point. According, choices that are not based on true devotion or spiritual commitments are meaningless entity itself.

Besides, in situations that one feels the absence of choice, steeping back and creating a choice is nevertheless a sound option to move forward, if one considers the long run agenda. Consider Bill Gates once quitted Harvard University for fulfilling his dream in the computer world. The ex-Chinese leader Deng Xiaoping three times suffered from political downfall during the Chinese Cultural revolution, he optimistically faced the reality and worked as a labor worker, pending opportunities for the later regain and attaining his political dream, namely to pull Chinese economy out of recession via institutional reformation. These heroes did not view temporary dilemma as boggling without choices, rather they choose to learn how to choose, or even how to create a choice.

At last, I believe that feeling of no choice is more or less the same as unwilling to choose, as long as one actively develops and applies an independent mind, one that not only allow us to pursuit what is presented, but also to create options.

小AJUID: 2603280

TOPIC: ISSUE136 - "The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare." WORDS: 1          TIME: 00:00:03          DATE: 2009/4/8 20:41:24 也帮忙看看我的吧，欢迎严厉的鞭策 ==；（汗、、 I fundamentally agree with the speaker's assertion that the absence of choice is a rare situation, for the reason （感觉应该加一个主语，反正这句话好像有点问题）to do with the nature of ourselves, namely the independent minds, personalities and deeds. Nevertheless, it might to tempting（temp） to agree that sometimes individual pursuits yield to pragmatic concern of surviving, it is by no means （少一个动词，后面直接跟短语好像不对）an indication of no choice, but rather a sense of unwillingness to do so. From childhood, we naturally learn to develop our own characters, personalities and interests largely through the process of choice. Kids at an early age tend to pick up individual hobbies, sports, dressings or even their famous admirers. At secondary and high school level, students are given options to select their interested subjects. In the（删掉the） meanwhile, they join in clubs, unions of various themes to make friends according to likes and dislikes. Nevertheless, none of these deeds can totally disregard the influence of other external confinements. For example, their early pursuits may be partly driven by faddish trends, or family education. Course selection might have to take into account of practical concern such as employment demands or economic condition in the later time. However, such factors do not render us a sense of no choice at all, for otherwise we would have essentially become more of the same with our peers. On the contrary, individual differs from each other sharply. Isn't it the choices born of our both our internal hearts and the opportunities from our social environments which brought about this result?（这句话不通顺啊，可以加一个副词indispensablely） 例子用的很好，建议在段首或是段尾加一句总结观点的句子，这样比较清楚一些。 Upon we enter into society as responsible grown-ups, I concede that our favored pursuits sometimes inevitable give way to other ones which are more driven by social and family responsibility, confinements within a group or moral restraints. Indeed, one must acknowledge the obvious fact that leading a life is not easy thing to do. In our society, there are countless people who defer their dream to a comfortable life, asserting that they are forced to do so. But, in my observation, a deferred dream is perhaps not a dream at all. Had one willing to attain what he is craving for, he is（倒装） necessarily well prepared for sacrifices of some sorts. One does not need to look further than life-devoted scientists ranging from Newton to Einstein, Kepler to Darwin, to see this point. According（）accordingly,  choices that are not based on true devotion or spiritual commitments are meaningless entity itself. 这段的中心是不是最后一句？我觉得应该再论证一下为什么不是base On true devotion 的choices 就会没有意义，因为前面根本么有详细说明或者是过渡。 Besides, in situations that one feels the absence of choice, steeping back and creating a choice is nevertheless a sound option to move forward, if one considers the long run agenda. Consider Bill Gates once quitted Harvard University for fulfilling his dream in the computer world. （个人认为这个例子好像和论点不符合，毕竟Bill Gates并不是被逼着退学的，他不是no choice，而是自己choose to quit）The ex-Chinese leader Deng Xiaoping three times suffered from political downfall during the Chinese Cultural revolution, he optimistically faced the reality and worked as a labor worker, pending opportunities for the later regain and attaining his political dream, namely to pull Chinese economy out of recession via institutional reformation. These heroes did not view temporary dilemma as boggling without choices, rather they choose to learn how to choose, or even how to create a choice.（这个结论下的好啊~） At last, I believe that feeling of no choice is more or less the same as unwilling to choose, as long as one actively develops and applies an independent mind, （这句话用完成时态比较好哦~）one that not only allow us（himself） to pursuit what is presented, but also to create options. 这篇文章的观点还是不错的，不过文章的脉络不是很清楚，建议每段前可以简单点点题，这样会比较一目了然~呵呵

小AJUID: 2603280

Issue195 "The goal of politics should not be the pursuit of an ideal, but rather the search for common ground and reasonable consensus.
words: 588   time:50:00   date:2009-4-8
By analyzing the assertion of the author ,it seems that there is a severe conflict between the pursuit of an ideal and searching for common ground and reasonable consensus in politics. Is that really the case ?I am afraid i can not admit it thoroughly. while i concede that sometimes the present situation is indeed quite far from the one idealistic ,but it is too extreme and unreasonable to simply give up the ideal, because ideal still plays an enormously important role in politics.
To begin with, i would like to introduce a famous argument of a celebrity, "Ideal is the beacon, without ideal there is no secure direction, and without direction there is no life."
For a politician ,it is necessary to have a ideal keep in mind, not withstanding some thing drift in the air. The ideal just act as a campus, setting the directions and make the whole system operating within the proper circumscribe. It is not to deny the reality that in some period the whole society would develop in an definitely alternative way even the opposite direction, because the history tells us ,the way of revolution is quite a suffering road encountering different trials and obstacles. And I consider it is pretty much the case why should a politician keep his ideal in mind, just only by stick to it can he regain the right direction and not be confusing by the present stuff.
Moreover, it is through the democratic procedure that eventually a politician take the leader place of a government, so it is undoubtedly that he or she will certainly represent the attitude of majority since he or she won the election .It is admitted that the faith of a politician should be nothing else but to organize the whole country efficiently ,improve the social facilities, make the economy flourish and finally enable his people to take advantage of all the good things. Don't you think this ideal just matches the common ground and reasonable consensus of the ordinary citizens perfectly? Abraham Lincoln was keen on his ideal that all the black slaves should be treat just like the white people equally ,that is just the consensus of majority people in that period .Without the dream of Martin Luther King ,it is possible to have separate zone for black and white in a bus. These facts convince us that only when the ideal of a politician meet the consensus of the majority, can it be supported and realized ultimately.
However, when difference occurs between the ideal and common ground, there should be one side taking a compromise, and that could be either the politician or the common people. It is more obvious in economic business. Several years ago ,the real-estate business flourished very much ,most of the citizens invest their rest money
the into the real-estate market, bringing a severe crisis that the price soars without people actually live in..In order to slow down the up rising price ,the government took the control of the market and compressed the price ,which is called government interference ,certainly it was harmful to the common ground trend, but it did secure the stability of our society as well as the healthy developing of the economy.

All in all, the ideal and common ground are both indispensable to secure a society operating in a right direction. T he politician should not given up his faith ,and by solving the coming up problems in time can he or she eventually heat the target step by step.


第二次写issue，很希望大家能给我点意见~谢啦~

starain62UID: 2621240

186# i2000s
啊~非常感谢~呵~这几天一直没上网~就没看到~：P 谢啦~

i2000sUID: 2108019

196# Neptune2010
谢谢你的批语  很好
我在努力produce template  呵呵

lbsophiaUID: 2598915

TOPIC: ISSUE70 - "In any profession-business, politics, education, government-those in power should step down after five years. The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization through new leadership."
WORDS: 588          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2009-4-9 11:30:39

In many professions, like politics, government, and business, those in power should step down after five years, because these enterprises need revitalization through new leadership. However, this is not the surest path to success for any enterprise, since there might be requirement of a leadership who can lead the enterprise to make a plan and continuously constructing.

I agree that in many professions, like politics, government, and business, those in power should step down after five years, to make revitalization through new leadership possible for these enterprises. We know that the leaders who have taken power for a long time will probably be restricted to the conserved policies, and unwilling to make changes because of fearing for taking adventures. If the enterprise does not run well and there is no such a policy that those in power should step down after a term like five years, the situation would be at stake. The leaders may not realize what's wrong with the enterprise and insist on their policy, thus the enterprise would definetly go down. On the contrary, if there is a chance that other individuals can become a leader within a not so long time, the enterprise could possibly be saved and revitalized by the changes of new leaders. Such a principle can be suitable for many professions such as politics and business. Therefore, I think the policy should become a common sense for many professions that those in power should not hold the power for a long time.

Besides, such a policy can also benefit the enterprise since it can provide opportunities for new comers to take charge of the enterprise. Such opportunities can form a stimulus for the yong to work hard because they know that there is a chance for them to take power of the enterprise and realize their own blueprint of their career. Therefore, the enterprise would be promising because everyone wants to work better and achieve something. Such morale is the consequence of the democratic policy to give everyone a chance by setting the length of a leader's term.

However, we cannot say that the surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization through new leadership. Sometimes, it is even more important for the leader to have enough long time to fulfil their plans and constructions of the enterprise. For example, there is a survey once conducted on the average lenghth of terms of a president in Harvard University, and the result was 13.9 years. It is much longer than five years as the topic suggested. This is because in education, the president needs a long time to conduct an education reformation. Recruiting potential professors and discovering an efficient way of learning would take a long time. And such a complete plan on construction should always be conducted by the same leading group due to its requirement of integrity. It would cost too much and a long time to form a new one to take hand of such an uncompleted project. What's more, in a new term, the president may have his own thoughts and plans about how to improve the school, and what has not yet done will be casted away and thus becomes a great loss since no result comes out despite of the money already spended. Under this situation, the restriction of the lenghth of a leader's term would do harm to the enterprise.

In conclusion, I agree that in some professions such as politics and business, those in power should step down after five years or some. But the revitalization is not the surest way to make success since we should consider the cost and price for an enterprise to adopt new policies and plans in a new term of leadership.

zadUID: 2507560

192# leslin

谢谢修改，确实我的例子太老，请问有没有好的办法短时间能扩大自己的例子库。

zadUID: 2507560

202# lbsophia

占位改202

leslinUID: 2571497

203# zad

多去New York Times这样的地方转转，还有写作文之前可以在网上搜搜相关的内容（英文），会有不错的收获，还有#191需改啊，为什么冷了呢

RolinWuUID: 2625938

占位改195

RolinWuUID: 2625938

51# ”Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.”

Controversy concerned about how courses designed for each student arose at the birth of education. It’s widely believed that education should be rationed based on different needs and interests of each students while some educators argue that if so, effectiveness would be determined.  Design on education calls for a balance in which there are both concern about individual needs and about basic knowledge for adaption of everyday life, yet student-oriented courses needs further development.

Individual interests that generate curiosity, the main activation of study, weigh much in process of education. Students are absorbed more when the courses are designed based on their own need; which, at the same time, means that education is truly effective. Confucius, the great teacher and educator in ancient China, accentuated the importance of individual needs and interests that he once said (and I paraphrase):” One of the neediest qualities that a teacher should have is to know what the students are interested in and then how to guide them further in their favorite domain.” This illustrates the point that education, process of fostering talents to serve for society, is better effective when it considers what the students are interested in and then design based on it.

Unfortunately, traditional teacher-oriented courses often reflect the wrong need of students and eliminate the diversity which is essential in education that could possibly have. The base of teacher-oriented education is the process of imparting what the students should know, assuming by teachers, instead of offering what the students want and would be interested in. Thus, student-oriented courses can most effectively involve individual students in education process. To demonstrate the point obviously, here’s and example that is very convincing. Edison, who was proclaimed inept in study by his teacher in elementary school, later educated individually by his mother who, oppositely, believed that he was a genius. History proves that his mother was right and apparently, the reason why Edison was regarded as a slow student at school was that he was made to accept teacher-oriented courses that not interested him at all.

However, student-oriented courses should be based on the rational individual desire. Extremely reliance on student’s interest is unavailable. If the design of courses fails to evaluate the importance on some basic subjects, it can not be seen as a qualified education. Every student is asked to study math in elementary education process, for mathematic is important knowledge because it is relevant to daily life. Though individual interest is considered, it cannot be exaggerated too much since chaos in education may be caused if unreasonable students’ desire is winking.

Accordingly, education is a complicated process that calls for delicate design which concerns individual needs, ones that accelerate students to search further, while keeping orders of education by imparting basic subjects. Since everyone is different, focus on individual interest, one that was overlooked for a long period, is significant. Thus, better designed education equals to further development of students in which they are satisfied both happiness derived from the process of gaining knowledge but also greater potential in their future career. All in all, educators should pay more attention on individual interests when designing courses.

第一篇认真写的issue，希望大家多多指教

RolinWuUID: 2625938

"The goal of politics should not be the pursuit of an ideal, but rather the search for common ground and reasonable consensus.
words: 588   time:50:00   date:2009-4-8
By analyzing the assertion of the author ,it seems that there is a severe conflict between the pursuit of an ideal and searching for common ground and reasonable consensus in politics. Is that really the case ?I am afraid i can not admit it thoroughly. while i concede that sometimes the present situation（我觉得有了sometimes,再有present就有点怪异，去掉present可能会好一点） is indeed quite far from the one idealistic (建议用句酷搜索要表达的意群）,but it is too extreme （extreme已经是极限，应该不用加too了）and unreasonable to simply give up the ideal, because ideal still plays an enormously important (enormously似乎形容important不妥）role in politics.
To begin with, i would like to introduce a famous argument of a celebrity, "Ideal is the beacon, without ideal there is no secure direction, and without direction there is no life."（如果表述名人名言，不描述此人的背景，似乎引证无效~建议为保险起见，还是把主题句放在段首）
For a politician ,it is necessary to have a ideal keep in mind, not withstanding some thing drift in the air. The ideal just act as a campus（？？）, setting the directions and make the whole system operating within the proper circumscribe. It is not to deny the reality that in some period the whole society would develop in an definitely（a definitely) alternative way even the opposite direction(感觉缺少介词~这句有点奇怪~是不是应该改成IT's not to deny the reality that in some period, the whole society would develop in a definitely alternative way that even in the opposite direction）, because the history tells us ,the way of revolution is quite a suffering road (用road感觉有点chinglish，建议改为process或者用句酷查意群）encountering different trials and obstacles. And I consider it is pretty much the case （建议书面语化一点）why should a politician keep his ideal in mind, just only by stick to it can he regain the right direction and not be confusing by the present stuff.（感觉这一段论证的不是很充分，或者可以考虑再论证得不言自明一点~）
Moreover, it is through the democratic procedure that eventually a politician take the leader place of a government, so it is undoubtedly that he or she will certainly represent the attitude of majority since he or she won the election .It is admitted that the faith of a politician should be nothing else but to organize the whole country efficiently ,improve the social facilities, make the economy flourish and finally enable his people to take advantage of all the good things（还是chinglish了~）. Don't you think （课上老师讲过，尽量不要用you这样的人称代词，要不然考官感觉像被指着鼻子说话一样~可以考虑别的反问方式）this ideal just matches the common ground and reasonable consensus of the ordinary citizens perfectly? Abraham Lincoln was keen on his ideal that all the black slaves should be treated just like the white people equally(equally放到treated后） ,that is just the consensus of majority people in that period .Without the dream of Martin Luther King ,it is possible to have separate zone for black and white in a bus. These facts convince us that only when the ideal of a politician meet the consensus of the majority, （逗号可去掉）can it be supported and realized ultimately.
However, when difference occurs between the ideal and common ground, there should be one side taking a compromise, and that could be either the politician or the common people. It is more obvious in economic business. Several years ago ,the real-estate business flourished very much ,most of the citizens invest their rest money
the into the real-estate market（the是干什么用的~？）, bringing a severe crisis that the price soars without people actually live in..In order to slow down the up rising price ,the government took the control of the market and compressed the price ,which is called government interference ,certainly it was harmful to the common ground trend, but it did secure the stability of our society as well as the healthy developing of the economy.（这个例子似乎并不能证明compromise和ideal之间的关系~）

All in all, the ideal and common ground are both indispensable to secure a society operating in a right direction. T he politician should not given up his faith ,and by solving the coming up problems in time can he or she eventually heat the target step by step.

总体感觉论证还不是很清晰~~
改文有点毒舌，sorry啦~

zadUID: 2507560

202# lbsophia

TOPIC: ISSUE70 - "In any profession-business, politics, education,government-those in power should step down after five years. The surestpath to success for any enterprise is revitalization through newleadership."
WORDS: 588          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2009-4-9 11:30:39

In many professions, like politics, government, and business, those inpower should step down after five years, because these enterprises needrevitalization through new leadership. However, this is not the surestpath to success for any enterprise, since there might be requirement ofa leadership who can lead the enterprise to make a plan andcontinuously constructing（这里的constructing是什么意思，好像从语法上说也不太合适）.

（第一段感觉比较平淡，而且转折部分的理由没有说清楚）

I agree that in many professions, like politics, government, andbusiness, those in power should step down after five years, to makerevitalization through new leadership possible for these enterprises.We know that the leaders who have taken power (掌权是take into power/ be in power) for a long time willprobably be restricted to the conserved policies, and unwilling to makechanges because of fearing for taking adventures. If the enterprisedoes not run well and there is no such a policy that those in powershould step down after a term like five years, the situation would beat stake. The leaders may not realize what's wrong with the enterpriseand insist on their policy, thus the enterprise would definetly godown(be definetly worse).  On the contrary, if there is a chance that other individuals canbecome a leader within a not so long time, the enterprise couldpossibly be saved and revitalized by the changes of new leaders (换个人就能立马解决问题吗？). Such aprinciple can be suitable for many professions such as politics andbusiness. Therefore, I think the policy should become a common sensefor many professions that those in power should not hold the power fora long time.

（我明白作者的意思，但是在表达上作者没有把领导换届的好处，和不换届的坏处说透。另外如果有实际的例子就会好的多。比如说举例中国的皇帝，老了不中用了还在当皇帝，国家自然治理不好）

Besides, such a policy can also benefit the enterprise since it canprovide opportunities for new comers（newcomers） to take charge of the enterprise.Such opportunities can form a stimulus for the yong to work hardbecause they know that there is a chance for them to take power of theenterprise and realize their own blueprint of their career. Therefore,the enterprise would be promising because everyone wants to work betterand achieve something. Such morale is the consequence of the democraticpolicy to give everyone a chance by setting the length of a leader'sterm. （能换届并不能说就一定是民主政治）

（这里可以举例，比如有了换届，美国大选奥巴马和麦凯恩才会去努力竞争，民众才会看到希望等等。）

However, we cannot say that the surest path to success for anyenterprise is revitalization through new leadership. Sometimes, it iseven more important for the leader to have enough long time to fulfiltheir plans and constructions of the enterprise. For example, there isa survey once conducted on the average lenghth of terms of a presidentin Harvard University, and the result was 13.9 years. It is much longerthan five years as the topic suggested. This is because in education,the president in a college needs a long time to conduct(lead) an education reformation.Recruiting potential professors and discovering an efficient way oflearning would take a long time. And such a complete plan onconstruction should always be conducted by the same leading group dueto its requirement of integrity. It would cost too much and a long timeto form a new one to take hand of such an uncompleted project. What'smore, in a new term, the president may have his own thoughts and plansabout how to improve the quality of the education of the school, and what has not yet done will becasted away and thus becomes a great loss since no result comes outdespite of the money already spended. Under this situation, therestriction of the lenghth of a leader's term would do harm to theenterprise.

In conclusion, I agree that in some professions such as politics andbusiness, those in power should step down after five years or some. Butthe revitalization is not the surest way to make success since weshould consider the cost and price for an enterprise to adopt newpolicies and plans in a new term of leadership.

建议：能在开头和结尾再下点功夫，特别是开头能更吸引人些。另外，论证的思路再理一理。

zadUID: 2507560

191# leslin za

占位改191.

zadUID: 2507560

TOPIC: ISSUE173 - "Originality does not mean thinking something that was never thought before; it means putting old ideas together in new ways."
WORDS: 570                   DATE: 2009-4-9

What is originality? This is a basic and essential question in science, art and even every field of human society and there are always a host of different opinions held by different individuals in different fields. Admittedly, completely novel ideas exist indeed. However, Originality does not necessarily mean thinking or creating something that was never thought or created before, it also means putting old ideas together in new ways. Moreover, Originality is more created based on former foundation.

To begin with, it is undeniable that complete innovation exists in human history.  For example, the first time that human built a boat; the first time that human built a vehicle driven by a horse; the first time human used tools to sculpt a statue; the first time human used a pen to write; the first time that human used electricity to light the night. In all these first times, human embodied this kind of originality which is complete innovation and no former cases to learn.

However, along with the rapid progress of science and technology, millions of novel ideas flood out. It must be admitted that complete innovation is very difficult or sometimes impractical in many areas. Due to the development of human society from primitive society to modern world, it is difficult to find a bran-new area to improve. Even famous scientists cannot easily find it too. A famous computer scientist once said in an interview, "even if computer science and technology is a novel area among all research fields, a large number of research issues are proposed based on old ideas, not completely new." He also indicated that, "It is because that completely novel ideas are hard to be accepted by people and some of them is impractical, in other words, their founders haven't understand the reason of existence of old ideas." In my opinion, it can be generalized to other fields. Without close scrutiny of the reason of old ideas and learning the advantages of them, complete innovation usually dies at the beginning.

Consequently, in most of the time, Originality is based on old ideas and people usually improve the formers' ideas or create new approaches or theories based on the formers'. For example, Isaac Newton, the founder of classic physics and calculus, once said that the "knack to be a scientist" lay in the following: "When I saw further, that is because I stood on the shoulders of giants." Not just Newton, Albert Einstein, who first joins time, space, matter, and energy together to found the principle of relativity, avowed that without the Newton's classic physics and calculus, it is impossible for him to found the principle of relativity. As for me, originality also is based on formers' ideas. As a master student, I need to read a large amount of related work to find an improvable point. According to the reading of related work, I could not only learn excellent ideas and approaches, but also find some shortcomings to improve or unsolved problems to solve. In my view, it is a useful research method and it really helps me a lot.

In sum, originality means not only complete innovation, in most of the time, originality means putting old ideas together in new ways. As Confucius says, new thing originate in the past. As a result, originality is not the opposite of old ideas, on the contrary, originality means proposing novel ideas based on completed understanding and mastering old ideas.