零散版友作文互改大贴

hunter101020UID: 2591908

181# leslin
我是看小宝的书。。。。。
我觉得无论观点如何 应该是有主次的 毕竟题目不是平衡观点 无论大正小负 还是大负小正 论述上都应该有主次
你可以看看 论坛里面的范文 我水平也不行 说错了还会产生误导

leslinUID: 2571497

182# hunter101020
Thank you!

starain62UID: 2621240

178# hunter101020
221 The chief benefit of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history.

Superfacially, in this issue, the author seems to conclude one benefit of study history ----- telling the difference between people from different period .However ,in my view there is potential meaning which account for unchanged character of human beings within this assertion and I generally agree with this .（很简洁，不过总觉得有点片面~没提到后面研究历史还可以给我们带来其他好处）
First and foremost ,apparently, people from different period contains lots of differences with each other ,no matter in physical or mental level .For people are social animals and are well --- affected by their surroundings .With the time changes, circumstance definitely cause many effect on human beings. From physical level ,according to the history books ,the dressing and customs are well changed .Such as the trends of cloth at presents are quite different from those several decades ago ;and the language people speaks also changed ,the ancient English which used hundreds years ago are quite different .In China the ancient language even become a subjects which lots of historian research on it .From mental level ,the ethics and moral standards in past time are apparently not adopted in modern time no matter in any country .The traditional view that man are superior to woman are regarded as an important social rules hundreds years ago but becomes  a prejudice and insult in nowadays .So clearly the condition of modern people are quite different from any other history.
But when we come into profound level in history ,we can find that though there are so many differences mentioned above ,the deep nature and regularity of people are still quite firm and steadily unchanged. Especially with the ever increasing pace of social changes ,it becomes more and more difficult to break out this illusion. In one hand ,social value and tradition of one country are not built up in short time but rather than a long period .In order to fit for their surroundings and get their self （好像不应该这么用吧？）identification, those theories and morals wont changed a lot during the time past. Such as in China ,the most important day for every people  is spring festival .In that day ,every family member will get together to enjoy the happiness and love from their family  ;Christmas Day in Western countries also have the same meaning. From another aspects, the regularity of social developments are always unchanged which can be concluded as "dynamic unchange". Such as every evolution of social structure and enterprise ,from superfacial  level ,indeed the role of social people are quite changed .But by research history ,Karl Max clearly figure out the potential regularity which push the development of mankind ------- productivity of labors .Although social changes ,the relationship between people can only be concluded by two types ---- capital owner and labor .From this we can see that study history can make us observing our social trends and surroundings more profound and dialectic.（这一段是要写更深层次的相同，但是感觉例子不是特别恰当，中国的春节和国外的圣诞节仅仅是民俗，并不能完全体现”theory and moral”）
In addition ,general conclusion that the differences of  people in other period is an illusion is unwarranted .After all according to what we mentioned above, the surroundings changes are directly relevant to our ordinary living and really happen. Study the history of changes can not only tell us the direction of future but also do us favor in preventing the same type problems from occur again. Such as the artistic trends classicism was replace by modernism ,although the latter one was fully successful and much admiring ,it is not fit for the modern taste of people. History tell  us that any kind of art must face the new time. （总觉得这篇文章还可以用更多的笔墨来写这个不是研究历史的唯一好处，也不是研究历史的最大好处，研究历史还有更多其他的益处，觉得这样文章会更深刻~）
In sum ,study history indeed provide lot of inspiration in telling the potential same points of people in different time and offer us a more profound way in recognizing social changes .And at the same time we should not ignore the other benefits in study history .


我也不知道，就是说说自己的想法~


大家都什么时候考试啊？作文都准备拿多少分啊？？

hunter101020UID: 2591908

184# starain62
占位
能拿个3.5 4 分就满足了

i2000sUID: 2108019

180# starain62


70. "In any profession—business, politics, education, government—those in 
power should step down after five years. The surest path to success for 
any enterprise is revitalization through new leadership." 

Should in any profession in power step down after five years? The answer is definitely yes. In the meanwhile, five-year is a correctly（correct） circle. Exchange between the original leader and the new leader call for a balance in union steady. 
Both new leadership（leaders） and new employer（employees） are important. An operated well company would hire some new employer, which are most（mostly） the graduated people every year. "We need some fresh blood to keep the motivation of our company, in general, those fresh men would bring us some new idea（ideas）," a company leader said. In similar way, new leader（-s） would bring some new opinion（用复数形式opinions，下同） and some new manage institution（是不是管理理念之类的？） in order to operate his profession（the company吧） more smoothly（是不是用vigrously更好？）. 
In addition, a positive competition always brings a beneficial result. One step down, another step up. There is（are） competition and challenge which is（are） in the process of alternative（alternaty） of leader. People would select the best man which（whose） supported rates（rate） are （is the）highest to（will） be the leader. And the new leader always wants to do some significant motivation to bring about the respect and the notice of people, one that would bring a new atmosphere. George Washington, American military leader and the first President of the United States, though he governs the United States in a very successful way, quit after eight years（与你支持的5年不符，小心回避吧，结论中也不要再提了吧）. 
Just like people cannot be together too long, so does the ruler with the domination. Chief does not care about whether the profession goes well or not any more, but may be wants to bring the money back to his home, or develop a organize support him to defeat the other opponents. The power that ruler owned become to the tools that administration win the authority. The inherited nature of human determines that（改为被动句似乎更好些）. Thus, administration should not hold power all day（all the time）.
However, it will bring about disasters rather than benefits if leader changed too frequently, which would be led to the country or company chaos（这个反面想得比较好）. Company cannot operate well, people of nation（？in the nation） are（may get） worried, and all of students of school（怎么又到了school？前面的论据只提到了国家和公司吧） cannot concentrate on study. People are live with a bad mood at all time, which made the efficiency of work decrease.  
To sum up, I do believe that five-year（这是形容词形式咯） is a correct period, and from my opinion, that is the reason why George quit after he wields power eight years（这是咋了？严重的逻辑混乱）. People step down after five years, which is not only hold（to keep on） the revitalization of enterprise but also （加入to）do not made the politics too boring. And it benefits both the individual and the whole society.

starain非常具有大胆的从NP的角度进行论证，实属创新做法。但是关于为什么是5年的论证，不仅出现了矛盾，而且没有更充分的论证。

所以建议能适当妥协，太绝对的数字有很大风险啊！

i2000sUID: 2108019

70. "In any profession—business, politics, education, government—those in
power should step down after five years. The surest path to success for
any enterprise is revitalization through new lea ...
starain62 发表于 2009-4-5 19:04

楼下狂批吧，思路、结构、措辞等等

ISSUE 99
In any realm of life-whether academic, social, business, or political-the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superceded by simpler, more immediate options.

Words: 682



If you were a scientist, what should be your blueprint about the next experience? If you were a politician, how would you prepare your speech? And how would you, now a boss, start a business? Or what scene would you, if an artist, hold before drawing your first line on your canvas? Everyone wants to success, viewpoints before any action, tending to be practical or theoretical, decide your position of starting line and speed in the ruthless race.  Success comes easier when you combine the merits of both types of views. Further, it comes faster when you order them appropriately.
 
Admittedly，Man lives on the feet of reality. Reality notices you how many and which kinds of the bricks you've own to pave your road leading to the success. When Edison, one of the greatest inventers in history, lightened his first bulb, he just used the usual materials at hand, not the rare earth materials now we found better but so hard to refine that take scientists worldwide more than a century to certificate them. Reality releases your aimless rashness and tells you how can you get to the target from the very condition at the stage. When Washington won the first President in America history, actually, he wasn't leave away from the folks' practical needs and the actual conditions at that time which attracted people to trust him and moved US standing up to win. Countless big potatoes in all kinds of careers win their honors with holding the practical viewpoints that root in reality solidly. Do pragmatical viewpoints save you all the time?

In fact, practical thoughts cost more time to consider more factors than ideal ones do. The more severely the views are idealized, the deeper people touched by them. When Martin Luther King, the hero of black American, gathered his supporters and won the revolution, he emphasized the common dream born in black people's hearts, rather than first on the setbacks they may subject to. More important, the simplified views accelerate the process of planning and operating much more effectively than trapped into some unnecessary worries about the actuality. Bill Gates, the richest man in the world nowadays, started his Microsoft corporate only driven by a simple ideal that every family should own a personal computer, and conceived the plan simply from the DOS operating system without supporting colored screen and even mouse which is extremely prevailing at present. Similarly, a painter may merely hold the outline of somebody who's about to be drawn in the canvas, rather much more details at first glance. 

Now we're arriving at the crux: What's the starting line of a competition before actions, to be it a complex plan that may take you wandering a long period to examine almost every factor of reality, or only to be it a simple skeleton that only contains some basic perspectives and leaving much room to be filled out after you set out? As we all know, a line between two points make the shortest distance. This is also steadfast when come to the topic of success. That is to say, first employ the ideal views to define your beginning and terminate points, and the best way linking them with your knowledge acquired. Then consider the key practical factors that may resist your processes and detail your plans. The rest work is to constantly deal with the bugs when moving on. So as the tenet people holding, "The complex world maybe run under some simplest principles", why not to simplify your viewpoints under reality?  

Success is a direct result of a series of actions ordered well enough after a series of considerations in a limited period. A good, or easy to be completed, beginning is a half of success, the other part should be done with weighting more complex and in numbers of actual details after that. The ideal plan with considering some basic practical factors make it easy to begin the race at a high velocity. Only organize both the idealistic and practical views seemly, will the success occur in our sights timely.

zadUID: 2507560

Issue 241 求改:)，如果有4月底考aw愿意互改的请联系我。
TOPIC: ISSUE241 - "An individual'sgreatness cannot be judged objectively by his or her contemporaries; the mostobjective evaluators of a person's greatness are people who belong to a latertime."
WORDS: 505

DATE: 2009-4-7

The speaker asserts that personal greatnesscannot be judged objectively by his or her contemporaries and the mostobjective evaluators of it are people who live in a later time. Admittedly,there were many great men cannot be judged objectively in their time, such asVon Gogh and Nicolaus Copernicus. However, there were also many giants judgedobjectively by their contemporaries, such as Bill Gates and Thomas Edison.

Admittedly, history tells us many giantscannot be judged objectively in their times. As is known to all, Von Gogh is aDutch post-impressionist painter noted for his use of color. Nowadays, peopleall over the world know his most famous painting Sunflower which embody a strongvitality and warm. However, in his time, he had to live on begging and no onerecogized the great value of his works. Nicolaus Copernicus is a Polishastronomer who produced a workable model of the solar system with the sun inthe center. Now all astronomers admit that he is the founder of modernastronomy. Yet in his time, the majority of people believed the Earth was thecenter of the universe and Copernicus had been burnt by the church.

However, at the same time, history alsorecords lots of great men in different times recognized and objectively judgedby their contemporaries. For example, in the realm of economy, greatness iseasy to measure by money. Bill Gates founded the famous IT company Microsoftand became the richest man all over the world. No one can deny his achievementin IT industry and research. In addition, the great inventor Thomas Edisoninvented thousands of equipments and patents which extremely improved our life.Also, no one can deny his contribution leading human to the electronic time.

Consequently, in my opinion, objective andunobjective judgments coexist in human's history, yet I agree with the speakerthat the most objective evaluators of a person’s greatness are people whobelong to a later time. Since great men are the leaders who usually beyondtheir time, some of them are inevitably negated by their contemporaries.However, time will prove everything. For example, many pop singers are verypopular in our time. However most of them will be forgotten by the mass alongwith the fleeting of time. But many great composers, such as Beethoven, arefamous until now even though when he was alive his charisma in his time was notmore than Britney, a famous singing star now. In the realm of polity, someleaders, especially in autarchies, obtained the love and esteem of their peoplewhen they were in power. However, after their demission, the public may findmany scandals of them and even some of them have to fact the punishment of thelaw.

In sum, even though giants in every time maybe negated by their contemporaries, yet history will give us an objectivejudgment. Actually, it is the re-judgment of the controversial giants fromgenerations to generations that make human continuous improvement and progress.As a result, time will always tell us the real value of the giants at the righttime.

xiao243410UID: 2550990

支持一下













阿胶 加密狗  韩国饰品 迅雷电影下载

leslinUID: 2571497

占位改#188 Issue241

leslinUID: 2571497

149.”The most practical and effective way to protect wilderness areas is to attract more tourists to these areas through environmentally sensitive projects.”

Words: 450
time: 45min

According to what the speaker suggests, countries should establish a system of environmentally tourism for more tourists in wilderness areas to protect them. It does sound reasonable. But it must be acknowledged that this plan can be perfect only if countries are able to exert in reality. In fact, this scheme is impractical and idealistic. So in my opinion, I cannot agree with the speaker’s view.

Indeed, protect environment through tourism is a brilliant idea, which can replace industries’ destruction to these land. However, just like every coin has two sides. It can be deduced that with more tourists, the wilderness areas may face more threats of pollution because there are no significant changes in people’s minds of the awareness to protect the environment. Without this essential part in protecting, the tourism districts will suffer the same amount, or even more than those done by industries, of pollution by tourists, like litters, smokes and the improper interference to wild life.

What’s more, defects not only exist in attracting tourists, but also appear in the introduction of “environmentally sensitive” projects. There are many respects that requires deeper consideration like the economy, specific methods, range of exertion and whether civilians will accept. In overall perspectives like economy, enhancing a project both benefit the environment and the tourism needs a caldron of efforts by government, especially a great amount of money. In the aspect of details, exertion of this kind of project is a complex mission. It calls for exacting arrangement of resources and comprehensive schedule. For instance, there are innumerous wilderness areas that must be under protection. But the resource of the government is limited. Then it is obvious that government needs to judge which ones to protect. And in addition, protect the environment will surely bereft some of people’s rights in tourism. Therefore, considering the attitudes of people and making a plan to meet people’s will are justly. From all above, we can see that this project is hard to come into reality with such a complexity for society.

Furthermore, we have got more useful, more effective and more easier measures to protect environment without much efforts. For example, with our advanced technology of supervising, we can monitor those who dare to do harm to environment. It is possible for government to stop there process of harming or give them a over-burden fine to reach a simple effect of warning and alarming those destroyers, which will act as a sign to protect the environment.

In summary, the speaker’s view is imprudent and unwise. And more than in the field of protecting the environment, in nearly all spheres in society, all problems can be solved just through both effective and practical ways.

leslinUID: 2571497

TOPIC: ISSUE241 - "An individual'sgreatness cannot be judged objectively by his or her contemporaries; the mostobjective evaluators of a person's greatness are people who belong to a latertime."
WORDS: 505

DATE: 2009-4-7

The speaker asserts that personal greatness cannot be judged objectively by his or her contemporaries and the most objective evaluators of it are people who live in a later time. Admittedly,there were many great men cannot be judged objectively in their time, such as Von Gogh and Nicolaus Copernicus. However, there were also many giants judged objectively by their contemporaries, such as Bill Gates and Thomas Edison.

Admittedly[不要连用两个admittedly喽], history tells us many giants cannot be judged objectively in their times. As is known to all, Von Gogh is a Dutch post-impressionist painter noted for his use of color. Nowadays, people all over the world know his most famous painting Sunflower which embody a strong vitality and warm. However, in his time, he had to live on begging and no one recogized the great value of his works. [这里两个例子间最好加个连词]Nicolaus Copernicus is a Polish astronomer who produced a workable model of the solar system with the sun in the center. Now all astronomers admit that he is the founder of modern astronomy. Yet in his time, the majority of people believed the Earth was the center of the universe and Copernicus had been burnt by the church.
例子是很贴切，只不过感觉例子有点老了，而且两个例子的叙述模式几乎都一样（in his time，yet），建议楼主用不同方式看看

However[however用得有点多，改一个：on the other hand], at the same time, history also records[用的不错，借鉴一下] lots of great men in different times recognized and objectively judged by their contemporaries. For example, in the realm of economy, greatness is easy to measure by money[经济成功不能只用钱来衡量吧，还有很多因素像对社会的影响，比如巴菲特收购泰铢的行为，的确赚了一大笔，但是及其不利于社会稳定]. Bill Gates founded the famous IT company Microsoft and became the richest man all over the world. No one can deny his achievement in IT industry and research. In addition, the great inventor Thomas Edison invented thousands of equipments and patents which extremely improved our life.Also[前后最好有个过渡], no one can deny his contribution leading human to the electronic time.

Consequently, in my opinion, objective and unobjective judgments coexist in human's history, yet I agree with the speaker that the most objective evaluators of a person’s greatness are people who belong to a later time. Since great men are the leaders who usually beyond their time, some of them are inevitably negated by their contemporaries.However, time will prove everything. For example, many pop singers are very popular in our time. However most of them will be forgotten by the mass along with the fleeting of time. But many great composers, such as Beethoven, are famous until now even though when he was alive his charisma in his time was not more than Britney, a famous singing star now. In the realm of polity[politics], some leaders, especially in autarchies[tyrannies], obtained the love and esteem of their people when they were in power. However, after their demission, the public may find many scandals of them and even some of them have to fact[face] the punishment of the law.
感觉这一段和上两段的关系不大，而且这一段的思想没有表现在首段中。好像有点脱节

In sum, even though giants in every time may be negated by their contemporaries, yet history will give us an objective judgment. Actually, it is the re-judgment of the controversial giants from generations to generations that make human continuous improvement and progress.As a result, time will always tell us the real value of the giants at the right time.
总结有点散，尤其是倒数第二段没有太多提及，感觉楼主的神髓在那里。

还有就是例子实在有点老。多在网上搜搜吧，货还是新鲜的好。
加油啊！

leslinUID: 2571497

不要沉了啊！:L

i2000sUID: 2108019

187 需要人改啊
还是不要破坏我们的传统跳贴
呵呵
不要沉了

hunter101020UID: 2591908

今明两天把argu扫完 你们先来

Neptune2010UID: 2626044

占位改187 i2000s(可不可以不当官)

楼下狂批吧，思路、结构、措辞等等

ISSUE 99
In any realm of life-whether academic, social, business, or political-the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superceded by simpler, more immediate options.

Words: 682



If you were a scientist, what should be your blueprint about the next experience? If you were a politician, how would you prepare your speech? And how would you, as a boss, start a business? Or what scene would you, if an artist, hold before drawing your first line on your canvas? Everyone wants to success, viewpoints before any action, tending to be practical or theoretical, decide your position of starting line and speed in the ruthless race.(这一句语法上有点小问题,知道那些从句和短语是在修饰哪个词)  Success comes easier when you combine the merits of both types of views. Further, it comes faster(用快了衡量成功是不是有点……？) when you order them appropriately.

Admittedly，Man lives on the feet of reality. Reality notices you how many and which kinds of the bricks you've owned to pave your road leading to the success. When Edison, one of the greatest inventors in history, lightened his first bulb, he just used the usual materials at hand, not the rare earth materials that now we found better but so hard to refine(精炼出来？用produce直接些吧) that take scientists worldwide more than a century to certificate them（them是指materials? 这个that从句有点看不明白）. Reality releases your aimless rashness and tells you how you can get to the target from the very condition at the stage. When Washington won the first President in America history, actually, his concerns didn’t deviate from the folks' practical needs and the actual conditions at that time which earned the public confidence and moved US standing up to win. Countless big potatoes in all kinds of careers win their honors with holding the practical viewpoints that root in reality solidly. Do pragmatic viewpoints save you all the time?(实用主意观点引导伟人们成功。Edison和Washington的例子都比较有道理，如果能加上一点点小分析就更好了)

In fact, practical thoughts cost more time to consider more factors（一般习惯上不用两个more） than ideal ones do. The more severely the views are idealized, the deeper people touched by them. When Martin Luther King, the hero of black American, gathered his supporters and won the revolution, he emphasized the common dream born in black people's hearts, rather than first on the setbacks they may subject to(挫败，退缩？感觉这里用的不太合适，如果说改革面临的困难和行动时，可以用the how-to-do and necessarily concomitant compromises. More importantly, the simplified views accelerate the process of planning and operating much more effectively than those of trapping oneself into some unnecessary worries about the actuality. Bill Gates, the richest man in the world nowadays, started his Microsoft corporate, only driven by a simple ideal that every family should own a personal computer, and he conceived the plan simply from the DOS operating system without a colorful screen and even a mouse, which is extremely prevailing at present. Similarly, a painter may merely hold the outline of somebody whom is about to be drawn on the canvas, in comparison to (这里没有比较级，所以不用rather,) much more details at first glance. （反：idealistic views简化目标的方向，给予我们更清晰直观的思维，反而太关注practical concerns有可能迷失在细节上）

Now we're arriving at the crux: What's the starting line of a competition before actions, to be it a complex plan that may take you wandering a long period to examine almost every factor of reality, or only to be it a simple skeleton that only contains some basic perspectives and leaving much room to be filled out after you set out? As we all know, a line between two points makes the shortest distance. This is also steadfast when come to the topic of success. That is to say, first employ the ideal views to define your beginning and terminate points, and the best way linking them with your knowledge acquired. Then consider the key practical factors that may impede your processes and then detail your plans. The rest work is to constantly deal with the bugs when moving on. So as the tenet people hold, "The complex world maybe run under some simplest principles", why not to simplify your viewpoints under reality?  (首先确定理想主义的目标的指引，然后根据实际现实寻找方案。如果有事例支持的话会很有说服力，因为是独创的方法，呵呵)

Success is a direct result of a series of actions ordered well enough after a series of considerations in a limited period. A good, or easily attainable, beginning is a half of success; the other part should be done with weighting significant amounts of more complex details after that. The ideal plan with considering some basic practical factors make it easy to begin the task at a high speed. Only by organizing both the idealistic and practical views seemly, will the success occur in our sights timely.

感觉观点总体来说是不错的。作者似乎从“快速”成功和节省资源和思考的角度入手，成功的定义也可以是“其意义”上的，这个层面也有很多可以写，比如短期实用不等于长期利益，理想主义实现等于永远等待…………
然后就是作者的语法要加强。事例有点老套，但可以说明问题。
结构很大胆，不过如果是我的话还是会比较保守的用模板式，呵呵==；